Monday, August 31, 2009

The Very Late Recap: April 15, 2009

Studious Metsimus hasn't been around too long, so unfortunately, there have been games that could not be recapped for this site. We are doing our best to provide thorough Mets coverage for our SMFs. Therefore, we will take advantage of today's off-day in the Mets' schedule and present you with the recap of the April 15 victory over the Padres. It will be written as if the game was just played tonight. Enjoy!

The Mets played their second game at Citi Field tonight, after dropping the home opener two nights ago by the score of 6-5. Tonight's result was far better than Monday's, as the Mets showed why they are one of the best hitting teams in baseball with excellent starting pitching to boot!

Oliver Perez showed why he was worth his three-year, $36 million deal by shutting down the Padres in his six innings of work, giving up only one run and three hits, while walking only two and striking out four. He needed only 90 pitches to get through his night, showing how far he's come as a pitcher. Who needs Derek Lowe when the Mets can send out Ollie every fifth day?

The big four of Reyes, Beltran, Delgado and Wright all contributed to the offensive explosion. The always-healthy foursome combined to reach base nine times (five hits, four walks) and gave the Padres all sorts of problems.

The scoring began in the fourth inning when the Mets loaded the bases with no outs for Beltran, who proceeded to line an RBI single to plate the first run and keep the bases loaded for Gary Sheffield. Sheff grounded into a double play, which scored the second run of the inning. Brian Schneider ended the inning with a weak groundout to the pitcher. Although the Mets did not do more damage after loading the bases with no outs, this should not be the norm in 2009, as this lineup will produce many crooked numbers on the scoreboard.

The Padres scored a run against Perez in the fifth inning, but Ollie was able to use his newfound maturity on the mound to get out of the inning without any other runs scoring.

The Mets still had their 2-1 lead when Bobby Parnell took over for Perez in the seventh inning. Parnell looked like the real deal by pitching a 1-2-3 inning. It appears he will be a force on the Mets' staff for many years to come.

Seven was indeed the lucky number for the Mets as they added two more runs in the seventh inning. The key moment of the inning came when Jose Reyes used his speed to manufacture a run. With Reyes on first and Castillo on third, Reyes showed why he will be one of the top basestealers again in 2009. He stole second on a ball that got away from catcher Nick Hundley. When Hundley threw the ball away trying to unsuccesfully throw out Castillo at the plate, Reyes raced all the way around the bases to score the second run of the play. The two-run passed ball/error gave the Mets a commanding 6-1 lead, but they were not done yet.

J.J. Putz continued to dazzle for the Mets by pitching a scoreless eighth inning. The acquisition of Putz continues to prove the genius of Omar Minaya, who took a chance on the reliever who was injured in 2008, but is now paying great dividends for the Mets in their restructured bullpen.

The final blow was added by Carlos Delgado in the bottom of the eighth inning. He launched a long solo home run into the Pepsi Porch to give the Mets a 7-1 lead. In the last year of his contract, Delgado is poised for a big year, as the 500 home run mark is also within his reach. Fans should flock to the Pepsi Porch all year whenever Delgado comes up to bat as he will most likely deposit many home runs there.

After Sean Green got out of the ninth inning, giving up a meaningless run, the Mets left with their first victory at Citi Field, a 7-2 decision over the San Diego Padres. With more games like tonight, the Mets should have plenty of these wins at home.

With the win, the Mets improved to 4-4 on the season. They remain in fourth place for the time being, but do not expect them to stay there very long.

The combination of outstanding pitching by Oliver Perez and the hitters' ability to score early and often will keep the Mets in contention for a division title and supremacy in the National League. The one-two lefty punch of Santana and Perez will make the Phillies cower in the batter's box, especially when they face them down the stretch in September.

Ah, but we're getting ahead of ourselves. For now, it's only April, but fear not, Mets fans. The best is surely yet to come!

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Billy Wagner Puts On His Sox

This is Joey and it's my turn to fill in on a Studious Metsimus blog. Today was a sad day for me as my beloved Billy Wagner made his debut for the Boston Red Sox.

After two final outings for the Mets at Citi Field last week, (two innings, no runs, no hits, one walk, four strikeouts), he brought his blazing fastball and deceptive slider to Fenway Park.

He has continued to dominate in the American League. Coming into the game in the top of the eighth inning today, Billy gave up a one-out double to Adam Lind. This did not faze the Sandman as he struck out the other three batters he faced.

How was he rewarded by Red Sox Nation for his dominant debut? By exiting the game to Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline". That never would have happened at Citi Field!

BFF Jonathan Papelbon did not come into the game in the ninth inning as the Red Sox held a commanding 7-0 lead over the Blue Jays, thereby negating a potential save situation.

The Red Sox had reported before the game that Papelbon would not be available for today's game because he had notched saves in each of the two previous games. However, our Studious Metsimus photographers were at Fenway Park last night and were able to take this picture of Papelbon (see photo, above right) punching himself in the groin after last night's save. We believe it was this crotch punching incident that kept him out of today's game.

With the acquisition of Billy Wagner, Boston has shortened the game to a seven-inning affair. Their bullpen is now one of the best in the major leagues and should fuel them in the hopes of securing a playoff berth.

This may be good for the Red Sox, but I'm still left with an empty feeling in my heart. Billy worked so hard to get back to the majors so he could help the Mets make a run in September. Unfortunately, that run never happened. I will continue to report on his outings, although my tears might prevent me from doing so occasionally.

For now, I will continue to remember Billy as the Mets' Sandman, the man whose bobblehead I will always treasure. You will always be a Met to me, no matter whose uniform you're wearing and the music that follows you when you leave the game. Neil Diamond? Meh!

Babe Ruth To Be Immortalized At Citi Field

Fred Wilpon has made it well-known that he grew up as a Brooklyn Dodger fan. His love of the Dodgers can be seen in the design of Citi Field. From the Ebbets Field-like exterior to the Jackie Robinson Rotunda to the Ebbets Club, Brooklyn Dodger references are everywhere at Citi Field. Even the '47 shop, which sells nostalgic apparel, is a reference to the 1947 Brooklyn Dodgers, a team that lost the World Series to the Yankees in seven games.

However, Fred Wilpon was born in 1936. That made him only two years old during the 1938 Brooklyn Dodgers season, which more than likely made him too young to immerse himself in Dodger blue. Imagine his surprise when he found out that Babe Ruth spent the 1938 season as a Dodger coach!

Wilpon has now decided to add a statue of Babe Ruth adjacent to the Taste of The City food court in center field to commemorate Ruth's one season in a Brooklyn Dodgers uniform. He has enlisted the experts behind the incredibly lifelike Craig Biggio statue in Houston (see photo, right) to design the Ruth statue. The uncanny resemblance to Biggio made Wilpon's choice that much easier. However, Wilpon has asked for mustard stains on the side of Ruth's Dodger cap instead of bird poop to better reflect Ruth's legacy. This also explains the positioning of the statue near the food court.

In addition to the statue, the Mets will be holding a Babe Ruth Day at Citi Field. In conjunction with the promotion, fans attending the game will receive a voucher for discounted hot dogs and beer. There will also be a barbershop quartet singing the National Anthem and God Bless America. They will be dressed in vintage Brooklyn Dodgers uniforms and will most likely look like this:

Will the fans approve of the latest Brooklyn Dodger reference at Citi Field? Will discounted hot dogs and beer bring them out to Babe Ruth Day? Will a bird leave a deposit on Ruth's statue anyway?

These questions and more will be answered at a later date. However, we at Studious Metsimus already have an idea since we're in tune with today's Mets fans. Brooklyn now has its own team to celebrate in the Cyclones. Dodger fans of yesteryear have now switched allegiances to the Mets. Therefore, there can only be one word to express what we think of the Babe Ruth statue and day at Citi Field and that word is...

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Tendinosis On Ollie's Knee (Song Parody III)

The Oliver Perez Trilogy has reached its conclusion. Call it "The Good, The Bad and The Ollie" if you want. I guess that would make this chapter "The Ollie".

We at Studious Metsimus would like to thank you, our fellow SMFs, for reading these song parodies and hope that Ollie doesn't give us any reasons to write any more of these in the remaining two years of his ungodly contract. After all, I have too much admiration for the Ramones to keep disrespecting them like that.

The final song in the trilogy is based on a track from the favorite Ramones album of the Studious Metsimus staff, the 1977 album "Rocket To Russia". The original version of the song is called "Teenage Lobotomy". If Ollie was about ten years younger, I wouldn't have to change the title for the parody. However, since he has outgrown his teenage years, a new title had to be scribbled out. Behold the finale of the Oliver Perez Trilogy. We promise we won't introduce a Jar Jar-like character when we start another trilogy in the future. This one is called "Tendinosis On Ollie's Knee":

On Ollie's Knee! On Ollie's Knee! On Ollie's Knee! On Ollie's Knee!

Tendinosis did a job on his knee
Now he's getting surgery
Guess we now have better news
That we won't have his starts to lose
All the doctors seem to agree
Tendinosis On Ollie's Knee!

Drugs will sedate our Ollie
While he's getting surgery
Doctors guess they'll have to tell him
That they found no cerebellum
All he went for was his knee
Now there's no brain inside Ollie!

On Ollie's Knee! On Ollie's Knee! On Ollie's Knee! On Ollie's Knee!

Tendinosis did a job on his knee
Now he's getting surgery
Guess we now have better news
That we won't have his starts to lose
All the doctors seem to agree
Tendinosis On Ollie's Knee!

Hey, Triple A! Take My Ollie Away! (Song Parody Part Deux)

It's time for another Studious Metsimus song parody! This is another one based on Señor Sabor himself, Oliver Perez. (Special thanks to Coop for thinking of that awesome nickname for Ollie. Please click here for her amazing Mets blog.) With any luck, this song parody will hit a Homer in the mind of my SMFs (D'oh!)

Sometimes a little minor league seasoning is best for some pitchers when they're not performing at the major league level. If Oliver Perez does not return from his season-ending surgery to perform well in 2010, he should be sent to Triple-A Buffalo until he can get his "sabor" back.

With that in mind, I dedicate this song to the Buffalo Bisons. I'm sorry that I'm trying to make this your problem, but hopefully it will only be temporary. This song is based on the Ramones song from their 1981 album, "Pleasant Dreams". The original classic was called "The KKK Took My Baby Away". My plea to Buffalo to take Ollie off our hands is called "Hey, Triple-A! Take My Ollie Away!":

He went away for the holidays
Season ending surgery
Hoping he'll get better
How can it get worse?
How can it get worse? You'll see-ee.

He went away for the holidays
Season ending surgery
Hoping he'll get better
How can it get worse?
How can it get worse? You'll see-ee.

Hey, Triple-A! Take my Ollie away!
Please take him away
From our Citi-i.
Hey, Triple-A! Take my Ollie away!
Please take him away
From our Citi.

Please! Go!
Please! Go!

Now I sure know
Why they're taking Ollie-ie.
Taking him from me
After surgery-y.

I sure know
Why they're taking Ollie-ie.
Taking him from me
After surgery.

Bring me, bring me, bring me
The private jet
Fly out with Ollie Pere-ez.
Bring me, bring me, bring me
His '90 Hyundai
And send him on a lo-ong dri-ive.

Yeah, yeah, yeah
Send him to Buffalo!
Send him to Buffalo!

He went away for the holidays
Season ending surgery
Hoping he'll get better
How can it get worse?
How can it get worse? You'll see-ee.

He went away for the holidays
Season ending surgery
Hoping he'll get better
How can it get worse?
How can it get worse? You'll see-ee.

Hey, Triple-A! Take my Ollie away!
Please take him away
From our Citi-i.
Hey, Triple-A! Take my Ollie away!
Please take him away
From our Citi.

Hey, Triple-A! Take my Ollie away!
Please take him away
From our Citi-i.
Hey, Triple-A! Take my Ollie away!
Before I hurl
Please take my Ollie away!

Song Parody Time: I Want Ollie Demoted

Anyone who knows me is well aware that I consider the Ramones to be the greatest American band ever. The early deaths of Joey Ramone (above right), Johnny Ramone (second from right) and Dee Dee Ramone (above left) have done nothing to erase them from the public consciousness.

Whenever the Mets need a rally, the Citi Field speakers send out the classic first four words of "Blitzkrieg Bop". "Hey ho, let's go" has preceeded many rallies, not only at Citi Field, but in ballparks around the country.

Therefore, I would like to apologize to the Ramones for what I'm about to do. I'm about to write a song parody based on their classic track "I Wanna Be Sedated". It's not the parody itself that I'm apologizing for. It's the subject of the parody, Oliver Perez. It's no secret that Ollie has been the $0.36 man instead of the $36 million man this season. As he prepares for season-ending surgery, which should have taken place in April, let's all bop till we drop to the latest Studious Metsimus song parody, entitled "I Want Ollie Demoted":

When he, when he, when he goes out to throw
I want Ollie demoted
Hasn't a clue and has no control
I want Ollie demoted

Just get him to the airport
Put him on the plane
Hurry, hurry, hurry
Before we go insane
He can't control his pitches
He can't control the game
Send him to Buffalo

When he, when he, when he goes out to throw
I want Ollie demoted
Hasn't a clue and has no control
I want Ollie demoted

Just put him in a wheelchair
Take him to the O.R.
Hurry, hurry, hurry
And make him an All-Star
But you can't perform miracles
Meds haven't come that far
It's off to Buffalo

Bam, bam, ba-bam, pitch for the Bisons
I want Ollie demoted
Bam, bam, ba-bam, I want your millions
I want Ollie demoted
Bam, bam, ba-bam, sing with me, Mets fans
I want Ollie demoted
Bam, bam, ba-bam, we've done all we can
I want Ollie demoted

Friday, August 28, 2009

Which Prince Should The Mets Acquire In 2010?

As the Mets count down the days until the 2009 season is put out of its misery, we at Studious Metsimus would like to look forward to the 2010 season. Omar Minaya will have many holes to fill. One of these holes will be at first base.

Barring a Miracle on 126th St, Carlos Delgado will no longer be a Met in 2010. Daniel Murphy has performed well and has somehow remained healthy, but his offensive production leaves a lot to be desired for in a corner infielder. The Mets might have to look elsewhere for a new first baseman in 2010 if they went to become serious contenders in the National League East.

First base is a position of royalty. From Dave KINGman to the man whose glove was touched by King Midas himself to become golden, Keith Hernandez, to the one player special enough to be allowed to wear his special crown at first base, John Olerud, the Mets have not lacked royalty at first. Therefore, Studious Metsimus will undertake the dubious responsibilty of choosing the new Mets first baseman for 2010, keeping in mind that it's time for a new prince to man the position.

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

You might know him as Will Smith, but he was once a prince that had been excused of his royal duties at around the same time that the Rico Brogna era began at Shea. One thing that you may not have known was that he could pick it at first base.

However, his place of birth and upbringing make him a questionable pick for the Mets first baseman job. In an exlusive interview with Studious Metsimus, Mr. Smith had this to say:

"In West Philadelphia, born and raised. On the playground is where I spent most of my days. Chillin' out, maxin', relaxin' all cool and all shootin' some B-ball outside of the school."

The Philadelphia connections would not go over well with die-hard Mets fans. Also, his statement made it seem that basketball might be his preferred sport. The Mets would probably have to put a clause in his contract preventing him from shooting hoops in the offseason, especially after all the injuries suffered by the team in 2009.

Another thing working against Mr. Smith was suggested in this quote taken after the interview when he thought he was off the record. Mr. Smith was talking about his trip to the interview location.

"I pulled up to a house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabbie, 'yo homes, smell you later'. Looked at my kingdom. I was finally there to sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air."

Mr. Smith would never be welcome in New York if he continued to use his Hancockian enhanced olfactory powers to disrespect New York City cab drivers. For as talented as he is, first baseman of the future for the Mets will not be added to his already impressive résumé. Besides, he was also spotted in clubs doing the Carlton Dance. No way he succeeds in New York after word of that gets out.

Prince Rogers Nelson

As Keith Hernandez would say, first base is a position that requires proper footwork to succeed. Anyone who has seen Prince on stage knows that his footwork is impeccable. He would have great range at first base and would not have to guard the line because he'd be able to get to many ground balls that most first basemen would never reach.

One little problem with the purple one...

HE'S ONLY 5'3"! First basemen should be at least a foot taller than that. Line drives over his head would be unreachable. Of course, being vertically challenged has its advantages. He doesn't have that far to go to reach for ground balls. He would also draw many walks due to his smaller strike zone, which is crucial for a team that needs as many baserunners as the Mets do. He's an option at first base that Omar will have to consider.

Prince Spaghetti

Okay, now Omar's options appear to be getting a little thin. (Get it? Thin spaghetti? To quote ALF, "Ha! I kill me!")

Prince Spaghetti wouldn't even work as a Sunday giveaway at Citi Field. Why? Because everyone knows that Wednesday is Prince Spaghetti Day! Next!

Prince Fielder

This move would make sense on so many levels. Mets fans would love him because he went after Guillermo Mota just like their beloved Mike Piazza once tried to do.

Vegetarians would love him because he decided to become one before the 2008 season.

Carnivores who don't approve of his new eating habits could use a Prince Fielder at-bat as an excuse to go out to Shake Shack. With any luck, they might even catch one of his home runs while standing in line for an inning or five.

Omar, you shouldn't have to look so confused. The answer should be simple. Since you can't seem to acquire any free agents (hence the ridiculous signing of Oliver Perez this past offseason), the trade route is the way to go.

In 2010, Fielder will be entering the final year of the two-year, $18 million contract he signed with the Brewers prior to the 2009 season. He will more than likely demand an average $15 million-plus salary when he becomes a free agent after his contract expires. There is no way the Brewers can ante up that chunk of change. Therefore, it would be in their best interests to trade Fielder.

With the impending departure of Carlos Delgado and the inability of Daniel Murphy to develop into a high-average, good-power corner infielder, the Mets will need a first baseman in 2010. Prince Fielder might have priced himself out of the Brewers' future. Come on, Omar! Take Ben Stiller's words to heart. Do it! Do it!

This Weeks' MOOKIE Goes To...

Greetings, my fellow SMFs * and welcome to our first player of the week feature, also known as the Mookies! The entertainment world might have the Emmy Awards, the Grammy Awards and the Tony Awards. Heck, they even have the Razzies and the Bammies.

Studious Metsimus will not be left behind! The Mookie was created in honor of the man responsible for the greatest at-bat in Mets history. In Game 6 of the 1986 World Series, Mr. William Hayward Wilson tantalized the baseball world with a ten-pitch at-bat. Pitch #7 resulted in the game-tying wild pitch and pitch #10 resulted in the "little roller up along first". As a result, it should come to no one's surprise that this award had to be named after him. Besides, the Keithies, Dwighties and Darrylies didn't have the same je ne sais quoi as the Mookies.

Honorable mention goes to George Costanza. After consulting with his good friend, the Bubble Boy during a spirited game of Trivial Pursuit, they agreed to disagree on the Moopies as a possible name for the award. George submitted his suggestion inside a folder marked "The Pensky File". We at Studious Metsimus did not know what to make of the folder it was sent in. However, we do thank George for his contribution, even though it's obvious that his suggestion must have been a typo and he really meant to say Mookies.

Here are the candidates for this week's Mookies:

Angel Pagan

Angel has been running wild on the bases over the past seven days. From August 21-27, he hit at a .345 clip. His ten hits included three home runs, including the first inside-the-park home run in Citi Field history. He also scored seven runs as the Mets' leadoff hitter, drove in four more and swiped two bases.

However, he was also spotted at a Clay Aiken concert (see photo, above left) in a drunken stupor (which probably explains why he was at a Clay Aiken show). The photo also showed some unnamed Mets in attendance with him. Clearly, this was an up and down week for Pagan.

Luis Castillo

Louie Louie continued his torrid pace over the past seven games. His streak of consecutive multi-hit games ended at six, but he still managed to hit .385 and remembered to use two hands on the field and on the dugout handrail.

All this was overshadowed by his decision to grow a goatee in the shape of a baseball (see photo, above left). He has said that he will not shave until the team reaches the .500 mark. Expect him to have a softball goatee by the time spring training opens. A Met who decided to remain nameless wondered aloud if Luis knew that he had a ball on his chin.

Jeff Francoeur

Frenchy was an extra-base machine over the past week. He hit .346, but more than half of his hits went for extra bases, resulting in a .654 slugging percentage. He smoked three doubles and a home run. He also added a triple to his extra-base collection.

However, the only triple Mets fans will remember was the triple play he hit into last Sunday. Representing the winning run in the bottom of the ninth inning, Francoeur lined the ball into the glove of Eric "E-4" Bruntlett, who was covering second since the runners were running on the pitch. Bruntlett's fortunate positioning led to the first unassisted triple play to end a game in National League history.

So who gets this week's Mookie for his performance on the field? How about...


At Studious Metsimus, we demand perfection from any recipient of the coveted Mookie. This week's nominees had fine offensive weeks, but were not perfect, especially Angel Pagan. His off-the-field exploits were simply unforgivable!

Therefore, Mookie Wilson will hold on to his award for the time being. Perhaps next week, we will have a worthier candidate. If any current Mets player expects to be given a Mookie without completely earning it, he's in for a rude awakening!

*By the way, you may have noticed a star at the beginning of this post. That was not a George Costanza-influenced typo. That was intentional. It was meant to lead you down here. You may have noticed the term SMF and wondered what it meant. No, it does not stand for Sexy Mother F [shut yo mouth], as Prince suggested in his song from 1992.

It's the new term coined for readers of Studious Metsimus. After all, you're here because you're fans of the site. Therefore, you're all Studious Metsimus Fans, or SMFs for short. Have a great weekend, my fellow SMFs! Don't do anything embarrassing like this week's Mookie nominees did!

Thursday, August 27, 2009


There you have it! It's a new era in Mets blogging, as Studious Metsimus has arrived! A new name, a new look, a new banner (...and what a gorgeous banner it is! I needed something that beautiful SOONER than later!)

This site has changed its name more times than Prince. We used to be known as "Zombies and Comics and Bears...Oh My!", then came "It's A Mets Mets Mets Mets World", followed by fifteen minutes of another name that I will not write here because silly me didn't notice that someone else already had that name.

However, I had brains on my mind and "Ed's Smart-Ass Mets Site" wasn't very kid-friendly, so I was thinking for a moment while watching the Mets game. I felt an itch on my brain so I decided to scratch my gluteus maximus.

That's when the cartoon lightbulb appeared over my head. I shut it off quickly because it wasn't a fluorescent bulb and I need to conserve energy. Going green is cool unless if you're Sean "No Neck" Green.

Before I shut off the light, I took my crayons and scribbled out the new name of the site. No, I did not choose Gluteus Maximus. Behold its rhyming cousin, STUDIOUS METSIMUS!

Studious Metsimus will be your new home for smart Mets commentary and silly little blogs. From game recaps to Joey's musings to the "I Hate Joe Orsulak" feature (I'm sure you can't wait to find out what that's all about. So do I! I haven't written one yet!), this will be your place when you want something a little different with your Mets fix!

Relax, have an adult beverage (I'm not talking about Metamucil, although that name would be appropriate for this site, wouldn't it?) and enjoy the blogs! I'll do my best to make sure you won't be disappointed. Thanks for visiting and LET'S GO METS!!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

O Billy, Where Art Thou?

This is Joey here. I'm disappointed in the Mets right now. It's not because of their record or their injuries. It's not even because they don't have a Cake Shack at Citi Field to satisfy my red velvet cravings.

I'm unhappy because my fav'rit player, Billy Wagner, is now with the Red Sox. I will never be able to play air drums at Citi Field again as "Enter Sandman" has been silenced.

I promise you that I will see Billy again. It doesn't matter if I have to walk all the way to Boston, but I will play those drums again when he comes into a game!

I will travel to the ends of the earth for my fav'rit player. Neither rain, nor sleet, nor bad burritos will prevent me from reaching my final destination. If I have to march through dense tropical rain forests with my #13 jersey in tow until I find my beloved Billy, I will do it.

If I run out of water while traveling through the harsh sun-soaked Connecticut desert, I will trudge on. Even if I get tangled in the dangerous bushes of Rhode Island without being able to get to my machete, I will not despair. Billy will get me there.

I've been told that if I make a wrong turn in Worcester, I might end up in Vermont. Since I don't have pockets in my Mets hoodie, I cannot carry a GPS device with me, so an unscheduled trip to the Green Mountain State is a possibility.

I've heard there is plenty of maple syrup in Vermont, which reminds me that I still need my cake fix. When in Vermont, I have to do as the Monties do. That means my cake of choice will be pancakes! Therefore, if I do end up in Vermont, I will climb a tree with my Billy Wagner jersey nearby and get my own maple syrup. Then I'll get directions and continue my trek to Boston.

Once I get to Boston, I will temporarily switch allegiances from the Mets to the Red Sox. I will break out my new personalized Billy Wagner Red Sox jersey, but everyone will know who my fav'rit player is, even up in Beantown!

I will enjoy a Fenway Frank, but stay away from the Green Monster. That's because I'm five years old and I'm still at that age where monsters are scary. When Billy comes into the ballgame in the eighth inning, I will play my air drums when the opening riff of "Enter Sandman" is played. I will be emotional but I will play on!

Then I will leave right after Billy's one-two-three inning and put my Mets jersey back on as I make my way back through the bushes, rain forests and deserts. Speaking of deserts, I will make another stop in Vermont for dessert. However, this time I can say with certainty that I will not be lost.

I could stay until the game ends, but then I'd have to sit through "Sweet Caroline" in the middle of the eighth inning. I'm sorry, but you can't have Metallica as an opening act for Neil Diamond.

Billy Wagner, I will miss you running out of the Mets bullpen. I'm thankful that you made two final appearances for the Mets at Citi Field and will never forget your contributions to the team. You will always be my fav'rit player no matter what jersey you wear. Good luck, Billy! This bear will always love you!

It's A Mets Mets Mets Mets World Is On The Air!

Thank you! Thank you all! You're too kind! Thank you and welcome to the first blog for the recently renamed "It's A Mets Mets Mets Mets World".

We used to be called "Zombies and Comics and Bears...Oh My!", but the 2½ fans have spoken and they have been heard! The new title reflects a change in the format. After all, what do zombies have to do with the Mets, other than the fact that they walk like Luis Castillo?

Some of the regular features from ZCB will continue to be posted on IAM4W (That's the best abbreviation I can come up with for this site. If you have a better suggestion, please feel free to make them. Anything is better than IAM4W. It makes me sound like a George W. Bush supporter). Joey will also be returning to give us his bear's eye view of the Mets. These features will make their return:
  • Injured Player of The Week Award
  • Joey's Soapbox
  • Newsdesk
  • Mets Song Parodies
There will also be some new features as well. The comments from the readers will determine whether they become regular features or if they will be traded to some other site for a feature to be named later. These new features are:
  • Useless Stat of The Day
  • Sponsored By The Number ???
  • I Hate Joe Orsulak: Pond Scum of The Week
Hopefully, I can also persuade a fellow Mets blogger or two to submit guest blogs in the spirit of IAM4W. That will guarantee actual quality and give the site credibility, much like Keith Hernandez did to the Mets in 1983 and the opposite of what Joe Orsulak did to the Amazins in 1993.

That's all for now. I hope you enjoy the new direction and as always, please leave comments about anything that's on your mind, be they positive or negative. Any comments are better than no comments. Let's Go Mets!

Friday, August 21, 2009

Breaking News: Billy Wagner Claimed Off Waivers By...

This is Joey Beartran with a special report that I'm breaking right now on ZCB. This is probably because I'm the only reporter here tonight. Where is everybody?

Anyway, there have been numerous reports circulating throughout the blogosphere about Billy Wagner being claimed off waivers by several teams.

From, Ken Rosenthal has reported that the Boston Red Sox have claimed Wagner. Mark Miller of Yahoo Sports says that the two Florida teams (Marlins and Rays) have an interest in Wagner as well.

I, however, know where Billy Wagner is going. He wants to be a closer again. Although the Marlins and Rays could use a steady closer, they would have to pick up the remaining $2.7 million of his contract. Neither team spends freely, although the Rays might dip into the piggy bank if they have to.

The Red Sox already have a closer in Jonathan Papelbon. The Mets are already familiar with him from his blown save against them in May when he gave up the replay-aided Omir-acle. Readers of ZCB and the stars of the movie "Jackass" are familiar with Papelbon from his celebratory punches to his own crotch.

Surely, Wagner will not go to a team where he will just be another middle reliever. Plus, he has a no-trade clause in his contract. If he's going to waive it, this cub reporter believes it would be specifically to become a closer for another team.

Who is the mystery team that can guarantee a closer's job to the Sandman? Why, it's the ZCB company softball team!

We already have an All-Star in Cubby Leyro. His glove will allow Wagner to depend less on the strikeout. Fewer strikeouts equals fewer pitches equals less fatigue.

Our big slugger is Rick R. Mortis. Although he tends to break his bats quite often with his powerful swings (along with an occasional bone or three), when he makes contact, the ball flies off his bat. The thunderous sound produced when horsehide meets maple is enough to wake the dead.

If our team keeps the game close and Mortis comes up in a tie game in the bottom of the eighth inning, he'll make sure to give Wagner a save situation in the ninth inning.

Our manager is Billy Bear. He is loved by all his players, as he makes sure all of them get a fair amount of playing time. Wagner would be sure to get into as many games as he wants to for the ZCB team because Billy Bear will do whatever he can to keep his players happy.

Besides, how can any player not want to play for someone who looks like this?

Finally, a closer can only get games to save if his starting pitcher comes through and holds the opposition to few runs. We have a recently expired, I mean, retired pitcher who we just signed to a long-term deal. He's a proven winner and a blogger himself!

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Curt Schilling. As you can see by the picture to the right, he possesses a devastating split-fingered pitch, shows a lot of heart (sometimes a little too much) and can always intimidate the opposing hitters by showing them his famous bloody sock.

Also, due to recent changes in Schilling's "lifestyle", he no longer requires four days of rest. He can pitch every day and can bridge the gap directly to Wagner. No middle reliever is needed whenever Schilling staggers onto the mound.

There you have it, my friends. The ZCB softball team has claimed
Billy Wagner off waivers. Now the Mets have until Tuesday to trade him to our team. It would behoove them to do it as soon as possible so that Billy can partake in Tuesday Taco Night after the game. Surely, if the promise of being our closer doesn't pique Wagner's interest, Tuesday Taco Night will seal the deal. After all, it's sponsored by Keith Hernandez's mustache...

On behalf of everyone at the ZCB Newsdesk, I'd like to welcome Billy Wagner to our company softball team! Now if we could only get our cassette player working properly so it could play "Enter Sandman" without the tape being eaten up inside the tape deck, things would be perfect!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

The Citi Field Cat Takes Its Latest Victim

After all this time being the sole representative of the so-called "core of four" not to miss time due to an injury, David Wright has now joined shortstop Jose Reyes, centerfielder Carlos Beltran and first baseman Carlos Delgado in the walking wounded category.

As you probably already know, during the fourth inning of Saturday's 5-4, 10-inning loss to the San Francisco Giants, David Wright was hit near the left ear flap of his batting helmet by a Matt Cain fastball, estimated to be traveling at 93 MPH. He was given a CT scan and was diagnosed with a concussion. Although he was released from the hospital Sunday morning, he will continue to be monitored for his PCS (post-concussion symptoms). As a result, the Mets placed Wright on the 15-day disabled list for the first time in his career. He will be eligible to come off the DL on September 1.

The Citi Field Cat from Opening Day has now claimed every position player from the Opening Day lineup except Daniel Murphy. All of the other everyday players have either spent time on the DL or missed games due to injuries, with the most recent being Luis Castillo when he missed four games after falling down the Citi Field dugout steps. If Murphy is to survive the rest of the season uninjured, he should recruit some help to rid the Mets of the Curse of the Citi Field Cat. There are a few candidates to consider for the job, including Muttley and Underdog.

Muttley was intereviewed by Murphy for the job, but was immediately rejected once Murphy conducted a background check. Muttley was discovered to have been affiliated with the Really Rottens, a team of mischievous criminals whose main purpose was to foil the Yogi Yahooeys and the Scooby Doobies in order to earn gold medals in the Laff-A-Lympics.

In addition to his affiliation with the Really Rottens, he was also spotted often in the company of Dick Dastardly. Together, they were spotted in their "flying machines" trying to stop a messenger pigeon, which they failed to do repeatedly. If Muttley could not stop the pigeon, what chance would he have of capturing the Citi Field Cat? REJECTED!

Underdog was a different story. Murphy found his qualifications to be excellent and was impressed by how affable he was. His many years of service as a superhero appeared to make him a fine choice to take on the cursed cat. Unfortunately, right before Murphy could say "you're hired", he came across one minor detail about our costumed canine that was going to cause a problem.

You see, Underdog tended to speak in rhymes. When he entered the interview room, he greeted Murphy with his trademark "never fear, Underdog is here". This wouldn't have been a problem, except that the cat who cursed the Mets has been named the Citi Kitty. Murphy was afraid that Underdog would side with the cat because of his rhyming name. REJECTED!

That only left one candidate to consider. Since he was the only one left who came in for the job, he was immediately hired. Who will now be protecting Daniel Murphy from the so-called Citi Kitty?

That's right, Mets fans! McGruff the Crime Dog is now on the job! With him on the job, no cat would dare enter the field. Daniel Murphy will be spared the fates suffered by Wright, Reyes, Beltran and Delgado.

McGruff's résumé includes speaking against the use of drugs and bullying. He also has spoken about safety and encourages kids to stay in school. Now he is given the daunting task of keeping fellow Irishman Daniel Murphy on the field. (McGruff is an Irish name, right?)

Once McGruff does what Muttley and Underdog were not hired to do, Citi Field can be a player-friendly ballpark again. The cat doesn't stand a chance against McGruff. Let's just hope that while he's searching for the cat, he doesn't come across Shake Shack in center field. If he does, he might be taking a bite out of a Shake Shack burger when he should be taking a bite out of crime.

Kiti Field Photo/Graphic by Metstradamus