Why Do The Mets Hit Into So Many Double Plays? They're Zombies!

Now we know why the Mets have been so putrid lately in the batters box. They've been replaced by zombies like the one in the picture to the left. How else can you explain the increasing number of double plays they've been hitting into recently? Zombies move around slowly. They have no chance at beating the relay throw to first moving at that speed!

If they had loaded up the farm system with the running zombies from the Dawn of The Dead remake or the rage-infected runners from 28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later, they could have called up some of those undead minor leaguers to replace the likes of Carlos Beltran, Jose Reyes and Carlos Delgado.

I'd like to see how many double plays they would hit into then. Imagine if the Mets were playing the Phillies and a fast zombie was up to bat with a runner on first. If he hit a routine ground ball to Jimmy Rollins, he could go from killing a rally to killing a Phillie. Not only would the Mets still be alive (well, sort of alive) but the Phillies would be left one player short.

Also can you imagine an opposing runner getting caught in a rundown? He wouldn't dare try to advance if one of the "runner" zombies was charging at him. Before being tagged out by the zombie, he'd be called out for running outside the baseline trying to get back into the dugout safely. Being called safe on the bases would mean nothing to him. He'd rather be safe in the dugout.

But no! The Mets had to be stingy and signed the cheaper zombies, the ones that walk at a snail's pace. With the way the Mets have been playing, don't you think it would have behooved Omar Minaya to send some scouts to better cemeteries to dig up faster talent?

Thanks again, Omar! You can't even get the right undead players when they're available! No wonder this season died long before the players did!