Song Parody: Centerfield

So far this off-season, Mets outfielders are leaving New York faster than Vince Coleman can light a firecracker.  First, we saw the departure of Jason Bay, who recently signed a one-year deal with the Seattle Mariners.  Today we didn't see a Bay leave, but we did see an outfielder leave one Bay for another, as centerfielder Andres Torres was spotted leaving on a jet plane flying over Flushing Bay on his way to the west coast and his old haunts in the San Francisco Bay Area.

Torres signed a one-year deal worth $2 million to return to the Giants, the team that traded him to New York last off-season for Angel Pagan.  Torres will become Pagan's neighbor in the outfield, playing left field alongside the newest member of the "former Mets who won a World Series ring after leaving New York" club.

With two-thirds of the Mets' 2012 outfield now playing out west and part of the remaining third (Scott Hairston) considering his options, the outfield is beginning to resemble John Rocker's brain.  Basically, it's empty.  And there's less than four months to go until the curtain rises on the 2013 campaign.

Will the Mets go with their highly flawed current cast of backups and bench players in the outfield?  Will fans clamor for the days of Benny Agbayani, Jay Payton and Derek Bell?  Will Vince Coleman and John Rocker join Mensa?

Those questions will all be answered by April 1, 2013.  (Spoiler alert: Coleman and Rocker were just seen shopping for a "Mensa For Dummies" book.)  For now, please join me as I present to you the latest Studious Metsimus song parody, based on - you guessed it - the lack of outfielders at Citi Field.  I'd like to thank John Fogerty for singing the original version of "Centerfield".  Without him, I would never be able to butcher his lyrics the way Lucas Duda butchers routine pop-ups.  Enjoy!

The season’s done, Sandy’s on the phone to see who he can trade 
To war again with new guys on the field 
He gave the word, Bay’s got a new home - it’s a part of Sandy’s plan
Andres Torres is gone as well, so here’s the deal

Oh, put me in coach – no one else can play today 
Put me in coach – the outfield’s empty at New Shea 
Look at the
Tumbleweeds
In center field

Well, your fielders have to add up to nine – I’m countin’ 'em from the bench 
You got rid of some chumps when Torres and Bay skipped town 
So listen, Sandy, sign Hairston – oh, please don’t let him go 
Don’t save all the dough, it’s time to pay him now

Oh, put me in coach – no one else can play today 
Put me in coach – the outfield’s empty at New Shea 
Look at the
Tumbleweeds 
In center field

Hey!  Who’s got it?  Who’s got it?

Got Lucas Duda, a homegrown Bax, and Kirk Nieuwenhuis too 
You know it’s almost time for den Dekker to arrive 
Who will get the call to defend that wall – what’s our outfield become? 
(CRAP!) Pagan just won after he said goodbye!

Oh, put me in coach – no one else can play today 
Put me in coach – the outfield’s empty at New Shea 
Look at the
Tumbleweeds 
In center field

Oh, put me in coach – no one else can play today 
Put me in coach – the outfield’s empty at New Shea 
Look at the
Tumbleweeds 
In center field