The Real Reason Why The Yankees Want Scott Hairston

Everyone is leaving the Yankees these days.  Whether it's a free agent departure (Eric Chavez), a convenient injury that explains a Jason Bay-like slump in the postseason (Alex Rodriguez) or because douches have to replaced every once in a while (Nick Swisher), the once-mighty Yankee offense is a little less mighty these days.

The team with 27 rings and no soul has been looking for a bat or three this offseason, and one player they've been considering is Mets outfielder Scott Hairston.

Hairston, who prior to this season was known to baseball fans only as the guy who has a hot chick's ass on his Wikipedia page, finished the 2012 campaign with 20 HR and 57 RBI for the Mets.  Hairston was an extra-base hit machine for the Mets, collecting 25 doubles and three triples in addition to his 20 homers, doing all this in only 377 at-bats.  He became the first player in Mets history to reach 20 doubles and 20 homers in so few at-bats.

And Hairston also did one more thing, which was so eloquently tweeted by yours truly back in October:

Scott Hairston (20 HR) had more homers this year than A-Rod (18) in 86 fewer at-bats. But A-Rod made $27.9 million more than Hairston. #Mets
— Ed Leyro (@Studi_Metsimus) October 11, 2012

Despite that revealing tweet, that's not the real reason why the Yankees have been coveting Scott Hairston.  The real reason is because they miss a certain someone.  That someone was responsible for leading the team to four championships, including one that we won't mention because it was clinched at Shea Stadium against the Mets.

Since that someone left town after the 2007 season, the Yankees have won one championship in five years, but that one was okay because it was over the hated Phillies in 2009.  In the other four seasons, they failed to make the playoffs (2008), were bounced in the ALCS by a team that had never advanced to a World Series (Texas - 2010), were dealt with quickly in the ALDS (Detroit - 2011) and left their bats at home in an ALCS sweep (Detroit - 2012).

Am I saying that the Yankees miss their old manager, Joe Torre?  Well, if they can't get Torre to come back, then why are they looking for someone who looks eerily like him?

The Yankees are not the same team they used to be, with hitters leaving the team via free agency rather than coming to New York in similar fashion.  Clearly, they need up an offensive upgrade and a less expensive one at that.  That's why they say they're targeting Scott Hairston.  But we know the real reason why they want the power-hitting outfielder.

If the Yankees can't get Joe Torre to come back to manage the team, then they'll just have to settle for his less hirsute doppelganger as a consolation prize.  After all, they did it before when they tried to sign a douche and settled for Nick Swisher, right?