Song Parody: Turner Pie

On Tuesday night at Citi Field, the Mets scored two runs off Mariano Rivera in the bottom of the ninth to walk off with an unexpected victory.  The winning run was driven in by Lucas Duda, who sacrficed his bat for the decisive RBI single.

As has become custom for the Mets following a walk-off victory at Citi Field, Duda became Soupy Sales after the win, taking not one, but two pies to the face courtesy of Ruben Tejada and the pie-father himself, Justin Turner.

Justin Turner has made it clear to his teammates that if they are responsible for a thrilling walk-off victory, a congratulatory pie in the face is warranted.  On that note, I think a parody based on a song by late '80/early '90s hair band, Warrant, is in order. (See what I did there?)

In 1990, Warrant used several baseball references in their top ten smash, "Cherry Pie".  Now it's Justin Turner who is smashing pies on the faces of his fellow baseball players.  Ladies and gentle-Mets, here is my own smash hit inspired by Justin Turner's literal smash hits.  This song parody is called "Turner Pie".

Here’s my Turner pie
Cool Whip for walk-offs
Right into your eyes
Tastes so good
Even Burkhardt would try
Sweet Turner pie

Swingin’ for the Pepsi Porch
Swingin’ till it’s gone
Swingin’ for a walk-off
Sendin’ everybody home
Swingin’ toward left field
Swingin’ toward right
If I see a good fastball
I’ll swing all night, yeah

Swingin’ till I make it boom
Swingin’ cause I’m itchin’
Most pitchers don’t
‘Cause they’re too busy pitchin’
Pitch it in there
‘Cause I want to see your heater
But you mixed in a hanger
That’s uglier than Jeter

I scream, you scream
We all scream harder
Don’t even run
From the Mets’ pie-father

Here’s my Turner pie
Cool Whip for walk-offs
Right into your eyes
Tastes so good
Even Burkhardt would try
Sweet Turner pie (oh yeah)
Here’s my Turner pie
Smothered on your face
In your eyes
Looks so good
When it’s on SNY
Sweet Turner pie

Swingin’ (not a bunt)
Swingin’ (it went far)
Swingin’ for a place
That is out of the yard
Ain’t got a strikeout
Ain’t got a free pass
But I’ll get that Cool Whip
If I drive ‘em in last

I scream, you scream
We all scream harder
Don’t even run
From the Mets’ pie-father

Here’s my Turner pie
Cool Whip for walk-offs
Right into your eyes
Tastes so good
Even Burkhardt would try
Sweet Turner pie (oh yeah)
Here’s a Turner pie
Smothered on your face
In your eyes
Looks so good
When it’s on SNY
Sweet Turner pie

Swing it!
Walk-off run!
Swing it!

Swingin’ for the Shea Bridge
Swingin’ so we score
Swingin’ so hard
We’re not takin’ ball four
In walks Duda
Standin’ six-foot-fo’
He said “I ain’t ‘fraid to swing
At that Yankee named Mo.”

Here’s my Turner pie
Cool Whip for walk-offs
Right into your eyes
Tastes so good
Even Burkhardt would try
Sweet Turner pie (oh yeah)
Here’s my Turner pie
Smothered on your face
In your eyes
Looks so good
When it’s on SNY
Sweet Turner pie
Sweet Turner pie!

Swing it!