Ballapeño's Bullpen: Ike Davis Commits A Brain Peo

¡Hola, señoras y señores!  This is Ballapeño Pepe Sanchez Gomez del Chapulín Colorado, although you might know me by the one-word moniker Ballapeño.  I’m like Cher, Madonna, Prince and Cantinflas, only younger and more handsome (although Cantinflas did beat me in the sense of humor department).

In today’s edition of Ballapeño’s Bullpen, I will discuss Ike Davis.  This season, he has been throwing many peos at the plate and now his particularly pungent play has extended to his defense.  For those of you who don’t know what a peo is, let’s just say it’s something that stinks and makes people want to run for the exits, just like fanaticos de los Mets have been doing whenever Ike Davis has been guilty of throwing a peo or two during a game.  And he saved the greatest peo of all for Wednesday’s matinee against los Rojos de Cincinnati.

Wednesday was Cinco de Matt-o at Citi Field, meaning it was the fifth day since Señor Matt Harvey’s last appearance.  Señor Harvey did not have his best stuff on Wednesday against a team that was muy póderoso.  He was removed from the game with one out in the seventh inning and the game tied at dos.  However, reliever Scott Rice inherited two of Señor Harvey’s baserunners when he was brought into the game.  Needless to say, against a powerful lineup like Cincinnati’s, Señor Arroz turned into a real pollo.   By the time the seventh inning was over, los Mets were down, 4-2.  Nueva York did come back to tie the game in the bottom of the seventh.  (Of course, Ike Davis was not part of the rally.  If he was, the inning would have ended before the tying run got a chance to cross el plato.)  The game remained tied until the ninth inning, when Ike Davis threw a killer peo.

With one out and runners at the corners, Brandon Phillips hit a bouncing ball near the bag at first.  Señor Davis, who was standing near the foul line, assumed the ball was going to go foul and did not make an attempt to field it.  Clearly, Señor Davis must have graduated with honors from the Timo Pérez School of Assumptions (for all you muchachos out there who don’t know anything about this school, just Google “Timo Pérez 2000 World Series Game 1” and you will receive una educación you will never forget).  Naturally, the ball stayed fair while Señor Davis’ reputation as a legitimate major leaguer went foul.  The brain peo allowed the go-ahead run to score and set off a chain of events that would lead to a 7-4 defeat to los Rojos.

That's the look of a man who just committed a major brain peo.

(Photo by Howard Simmons/New York Daily News)

There are peos and then there are PEOS.  Ike Davis has thrown many PEOS at the plate this year, striking out with men everywhere almost as much as Elaine Benes did on Seinfeld.  But on Wednesday, Señor Davis threw the most pungent peo of them all.  He made an incorrect assumption at first base which led directly to a disheartening defeat.

When most players are on the field, they’re constantly using their brains to make wise decisions in the event a ball is hit in their general vicinity.  But nothing wise came out of Ike Davis’ brain on Wednesday in the ninth inning.  Something else came out instead.  And Mets fans in attendance were forced to endure the stink his brain peo left at Citi Field.

Ballapeño's Bullpen: A Quick Anniversary Note To My Colleagues

Hola, everyone!  This is your favorite stuffed pepper, Ballapeño Pepe Sanchez Gomez del Chapulín Colorado, but you may call me Ballapeño.

Today is Cinco de Mayo, a day that is celebrated by stuffed peppers all over the world.  It is also becoming quite popular among Mets fans because it gives them the opportunity to drink for a reason other than to forget the latest meltdown by the bullpen.

But the main reason for this note is not to talk about the failures of the Mets' relevistas this year.  As Dikembe Mutombo would say, "not today".  Today is about wishing my colleagues at this site a very felíz aniversario.  It was three years ago today that Señor Ed Leyro and Señora Taryn Cooper (she was just a señorita back then) decided to take the plunge and tie the knot.  Three years later, that knot has become more unbreakable than it has ever been.

On the day they said "si, si, si" to each other, the Mets lost their game to the Cincinnati Reds, 5-4, in ten innings.  They lost when relevista Pedro Feliciano allowed a home run to the first batter he faced in the tenth, Orlando Cabrera.  Señor y Señora then drank muchas margaritas to celebrate their marriage and to forget the Mets' latest walk-off loss (they had una dozena such losses that year).

Since then, the Mets have given them two wonderful anniversary presents, defeating the Giants, 5-2, in 2011 and taking out the Diamondbacks last year by the final score of 4-3.  I believe the adult beverages we consumed after those games were far more celebratory.  (I don't remember.  I was told that I passed out after two tequila shots.  I claim I went on siesta for the rest of the day.)

Today, the Mets play los Bravos de Atlanta at Turner Field.  It is the first time the Mets have been on the road on Cinco de Mayo since the day Señor y Señora got married.  The last two years, the Mets have made sure they had a happy anniversary.  This year, they might need stellar work from the bullpen to avoid another walk-off loss like the one they had in Cincinnati on May 5, 2010.

I will drink to a Mets victory should los Mets defeat los Bravos.  I will also gladly offer a toast to Señor y Señora on the date of their third anniversary.  I just hope I don't have mas bebidas with them to try to forget a difficult defeat.

¡Felícidades to all on Cinco de Mayo and a happy anniversary to Señor y Señora!

Ballapeño's Bullpen: Mets Ride Dickey To Victory

¡Buenos dias, señoras y señores!  Please allow me to introduce myself.  My name is Ballapeño Sanchez.  It's not my full name, but I thought Ballapeño Pepe Sanchez Gomez del Chapulín Colorado would be far too long for my writing debut.  In case I look familiar to you, it's because I'm the mascot of the San Antonio Missions, the Double-A affiliate of los Padres de San Diego.  Either that or because you've seen me on Twitter in photographs such as this one, taken at Citi Field.

Anyway, I'd like to wish you all a happy belated Cinco de Mayo.  As you can see from the photo to the left, I was having a fiesta with some Mets-themed bebidas last night, but I didn't have too many.  After all, I had to write my thoughts on the Mets' recently-completed series against Arizona.

As you should already know, the Mets defeated the Arizona Diamondbacks today by the score of 3-1.  With the victoria, the Mets were able to take the series from the D-Backs and improved their record to 15-13.

The star of the game was R.A. Dickey, who when not teaching my colleague how to throw a knuckleball, also found the time to take the Diamondbacks' hitters to school.  Dickey became the first starting pitcher to take the mound in the ninth inning for the Mets this year, before needing help from Señor Tim Byrdak and Señor Frank Francisco.

All in all, it was a very good series for the Mets.  If not for a bullpen meltdown in Friday night's loss, the Mets could very well have swept the series from Arizona.  But beggars can't be choosers, you can't win 'em all, and all those other cliches peloteros tend to say during post-game interviews.

Now it's time for the good part of Ballapeño's Bullpen!  This is where I dispense my three nuggets on the Mets, otherwise known as my Peos of Wisdom.  For those of you who don't know what peos are, just go to your nearest Del Taco (or any other taqueria will do), order a dozen tacos or burritos, enjoy, and then your neighbor will be able to tell you exactly what a peo is.

If I have enough of these, I bet I can come up more than three Peos of Wisdom!

Peos of Wisdom #1: R.A. Dickey

What more can be said about R.A. Dickey other than he's el hombre on the Mets' pitching staff.  With apologies to Johan Santana, Dickey has been absolutely outstanding game in and game out, save for that rainy day in Atlanta back on April 18.  Since becoming a Met in 2010, Dickey has made 63 starts.  He's pitched at least six innings in 54 of them.

I'm not very good with math (I do know that 6 tacos + 6 burritos = 1 fiesta pack at Del Taco), but when a pitcher gives his bullpen as much rest as Dickey has over the past three seasons, in his case, 54 out of 63 times, that must be a good thing, right?  Speaking of the bullpen, that brings me to Peo Numero Dos.



Peos of Wisdom #2: Frank Francisco

It's no question that Frank Francisco is the doppelgang ... doppelga ... that Frank Francisco looks a lot like former Mets' closer Armando Benitez.  (Hey, I'm bilingual, but one of those languages isn't German, so get off my espalda already!)  But does he have to pitch like him as well?

On Saturday, Francisco got the save despite allowing the tying run to reach base and get into scoring position.  Today, he didn't allow anyone to reach base, but he caused a tense moment at Citi Field when he allowed Miguel Montero to fly out to the right field warning track to end the game.  One of these days, Francisco will have a relatively easy save.  Unfortunately, one of these days needs to happen one of these months.  My tacos give me enough indigestion.  I don't need Frank Francisco to make it worse.



Peos of Wisdom #3: Jason Bay

Last, but not least, I wanted to discuss Jason Bay.  No, he didn't have anything to do with this game (or the series with Arizona), but he did pop up in the news.  You see, Jason Bay's bruised ribs are still bruised, two weeks after the injury originally occurred.  The injury couldn't have come at a worse time for Bay, who was finally starting to get caliente (if you want to call a .290 batting average over his final nine games before the injury "caliente").  Even if Bay's boo boo had allowed for him to begin resuming baseball activities, he would still not be able to.  Why?

Jason Bay has the flu.

How does a guy in recovery get another sickness?  Was he watching the hockey game too close to the TV and caught a cold that way?  ¡Ay, Dios mío!  I'm telling you, Jason Bay is more fragile than a piñata at Jose Canseco's steroid parties.  Maybe one year, he will stay on the field long enough to get 500 at-bats in a season.  With any luck, it will happen for a team other than the Mets.



Well, that's it, fanáticos de los Mets.  I hope you enjoyed the first edition of Ballapeño's Bullpen.  If there is a positive response to my writing debut, I will write more of these for you.  Of course, you will get some ripe Peos of Wisdom as quickly as I can produce them.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I believe it is time for my siesta.  After a night of Cinco de Mayo festivities and a weekend full of Mets baseball, I think it's time I took a break, no?  Don't worry.  I'll wake up in time for tomorrow's series opener against los Filis de Filadelfia.  That's a promise, or my name isn't Ballapeño Pepe Sanchez Gomez del Chapulín Colorado.

¡Buenas noches a todos!

Z?  Z?  Z?  Sí, sí, sí.