Magic in Miami: The Marlins' Home Run Sculpture Has Disappeared

Now you see the home run sculpture, now you don't.  (GQ Magazine)

The 2018 season was a year in which the Miami Marlins celebrated their 25th anniversary.  To commemorate the occasion, the team's new CEO and co-owner - as always, we'll call him Dirk Jitters to protect the guilty - decided to field an expansion team just like their 1993 counterparts did.

Mr. Jitters' decision was a smashing success, as the 2018 squad lost 98 games, just like the original Marlins did 25 years earlier.  Of course, that 1993 team also coaxed over 3,000,000 fans to come through the turnstiles, while the 2018 version drew a franchise-record low 811,104 people to Marlins Park.  But negative numbers clearly don't seem to faze Mr. Jitters.  I mean, have you seen where he ranks all-time in the defensive runs saved statistic?

His defensive "prowess" netted him five Gold Glove Awards, a number surpassed by only four shortstops in history (Ozzie Smith, Omar Vizquel, Luis Aparicio, Mark Belanger) so why should something like negative one million defensive runs saved (give or take a few runs) tarnish his legacy as a baseball legend?  And on a similar note, why should something like wins and losses matter to a team's CEO/co-owner when there are more pressing matters at hand?

That's right.  I'm talking about the Marlins' Home Run sculpture.

It's been no secret that Mr. Jitters has hated the Miami monstrosity since he started to sign his own paychecks.  In fact, he's wanted to remove the animatronic sculpture called "Homer" - which probably got its name not from the prodigious pokes that Giancarlo Stanton was supposed to hit in its vicinity, but because its colors were reminiscent of Homer Simpson's favorite pastry - ever since his tenure with the Marlins began, right after he decided that the team didn't need the services of Stanton, Marcell Ozuna, Dee Gordon and soon-to-be N.L. MVP Christian Yelich.

Mr. Jitters had many hurdles to climb to get Homer removed from the mostly vacant stadium, but he finally got his wish.  And according to Miami sports radio host Andy Slater, the sculpture's status as the Marlins' longest tenured, um, thing has come to a sad and barely reported end.

Marlins Park HR sculpture gone.

(📷: Julian Gray https://t.co/2fb22jjYDr) pic.twitter.com/wdmmfga6gR

— Andy Slater (@AndySlater) November 4, 2018

Where the home run sculpture once stood, Mr. Jitters plans to have an area that can fit 400 people who want to pay very little to get into the ballpark and have no qualms about standing for the entire game.  In other words, people who have no access to StubHub and don't mind standing over 400 feet away from where the team's latest Quadruple-A player is striking out at the plate.

It's all part of Mr. Jitters' plan to make the Marlins relevant again.  Which also implies that the Marlins were ever relevant to begin with.  Who knows?  Maybe this is all part of his master plan to get back at the Marlins for denying him a ring in the 2003 World Series.  Or maybe he wants to further alienate Marlins Man for wearing that gaudy orange jersey and visor to sporting events and for getting more screen time than Mr. Jitters ever did making commercials or diving unnecessarily into field level seats to make an otherwise routine catch of a pop-up look more spectacular.

The motives of Mr. Jitters will remain as mysterious as the contents of his gift baskets.  But at least his machinations as Miami's new CEO allowed the Mets to stay out of last place in 2018.  And for those dozens of Marlins fans who come out to the ballpark to cheer on their favorite team, at least the only eyesore they'll have inside the stadium in 2019 will be the players in the home dugout instead of the seven-story sculpture in left-center field.

I guess Mr. Jitters really does care about his new team's fan base after all.

So glad the Studious Metsimus staff will never get the chance to take this photo ever again.

Joey's Small Bites: My Words of Encouragement For Noah Syndergaard

Hello, everyone!  This is Studious Metsimus roving reporter/culinary expert Joey Beartran.  I was in attendance on Saturday night for the 1986 World Champion Mets reunion at Citi Field.  And although the pre-game ceremony honoring the Mets' most recent championship team was done quite well, the one thing most people were taking away from their night at the park was the ridiculous ejection of starting pitcher Noah Syndergaard after he "honored" No. 26 on the Dodgers by throwing a fastball about 26 inches behind Chase Utley's rear end.  It should be noted that Utley put former Mets shortstop on *his* rear end last October, causing Tejada to be removed from the game and the rest of the postseason with a broken leg.

After Syndergaard was ejected, manager Terry Collins lost his cool and got in the face of home plate umpire Adam Hamari, who not only shares initials with Met-hating umpire Angel Hernandez, but was also just three years old when the 1986 Mets were pounding their way to a title.  In fact, Hamari had blown out three candles on his birthday cake just two days before when Ray Knight pummeled Dodger pitcher Tom Niedenfuer after Knight was plunked with a pitch in May 1986.  For the record, neither Knight nor Niedenfuer lost the right to continue playing in that game, probably because Hamari was too busy wetting his diaper at the time instead of officiating the game behind the plate.

Anyway, I caught up with Syndergaard after the game and offered him some encouragement after he was thrown out of the game for having the nerve to throw a pitch that wasn't in the strike zone to Utley, which was documented by my colleague, Studious Metsimus photographer Ed Leyro.

Thor still had that surprised look on his face when I caught up with him.

I told Thor that Hamari has always managed to find himself behind the plate for important events.  On June 25, 2014, he was working the plate during Tim Lincecum's second career no-hitter.  Three months later, Hamari served as the home plate ump during Derek Jeter's final game at Yankee Stadium and paid his RE2PECTs to the shortstop when Jeter delivered a storybook walk-off single to win the game for the home team.  Must have been nice for Michigan native Hamari to see Michigan native Jeter come through in that moment.  So I comforted Thor by letting him know that Hamari's presence should have been a sign that this game would become a big story in the majors.  And then everyone forgets and we all move on.

I also told Syndergaard that a victory for the Mets was not meant to be, as I spotted Marlins Man sitting behind the plate for the game.  It's well known that the Mets never play well when the orange-clad supporter of South Florida's baseball team shows up at their games.  (World Series Game Five comes to mind.)  At least Marlins Man seemed to think that Hamari's quick trigger finger was uncalled for when Hamari tossed the Norse god out of the game for not hitting Utley.

Do you see Marlins Man highlighted in the upper left-hand corner?  He reacted just like Thor did.  (FOX screen shot)

Between Hamari being the Forrest Gump of umpires by being at important moments in baseball history and Marlins Man's attendance signifying a loss for the Mets, it was never going to be Syndergaard's night to shine at Citi Field.  The night belonged to the 1986 Mets and Adam Hamari's poor judgment.

Fortunately, my post-game talk with Thor got him to see why everything happened the way it did last night.  In fact, this morning he was on Twitter in better spirits, clearly thanks to my talk with him after the game.

I'm fresh. Can be available from pen. Just saying. #LGM

— Noah Syndergaard (@Noahsyndergaard) May 29, 2016

If Bartolo Colon decides to throw a pitch that is deemed too close to Utley's body in tonight's series finale, Syndergaard will be ready to relieve Big Sexy in the event there is another unwarranted ejection (even if manager Terry Collins decides to go with a conventional reliever).  And this time, Adam Hamari wouldn't be behind the plate to prevent Syndergaard from finishing what he started on Saturday.  It would be the perfect ending to the script that began writing itself the moment Utley threw his body into Ruben Tejada's leg last October.  And it would be a great way to honor the 1986 Mets, by standing up for each other even when others are trying to bring the team down.

Chase Utley must be shown that he is not as invincible as the league and the umpires would like him to feel.  The Mets must find a way to crack his armor once and for all by sending him and his greasy scalp sprawling on the Citi Field dirt where he belongs.