Joey's Small Bites: Crashing the MLB Food Fest II

Time to step up to the plate at the MLB Food Fest.  (Ed Leyro/Studious Metsimus)

What's cooking, everyone?  I'm Joey Beartran, roving reporter and culinary expert for Studious Metsimus.  And everything was cooking for me this weekend and the MLB Food Fest, which for the second straight year was held at Center 415 on Manhattan's Fifth Avenue.

Most of the bugs from last year's inaugural food fest were fixed (and I'm not just talking about the toasted grasshoppers from Seattle; those were still there).  There were 15-minute gaps between sessions so that everyone could enjoy their full two-hour window.  Departing guests also didn't have to use the same staircase to leave the venue as the arriving eaters were using to enter it, which allowed for a smoother flow of traffic.  The main difference from last year was that all guests could only sample a food item once.  No going back for seconds here.  Attendees were required to scan a bracelet before taking a food item which kept track of which food stands they visited.  That kept lines moving and prevented large gatherings of people by the most popular food stands.

As a culinary expert, I wanted to try as many foods as possible.  Also, my colleague never got me breakfast before we left for Center 415 so I made him make up for his obvious oversight by going around from stand to stand collecting the best items from all 30 ballparks.

Lights, camera, snack-tion!  (EL/SM)

Since it was lunchtime when our session began, I decided to lead off the eating game with a grilled cheese sandwich.  But it wasn't just any grilled cheese, it was a beer braised short rib grilled cheese courtesy of the Tampa Bay Rays.  Just like Brandon Nimmo or Jeff McNeil, this dish got things off to a flying start with its Budweiser braised short ribs, multiple cheeses, caramelized onions and horseradish cream.  It's too bad the Four Hands Nachos offering from the St. Louis Cardinals grounded into a double play.  Its diced chicken and typical nacho toppings were just meh.

Next up were by the Mahi Mahi Tacos from the San Diego Padres and the Philly Cheesesteak from the team that made a clown move by signing Bryce Harper because his history of losing when it counts fits in perfectly with the team's history.  Surprisingly, the tacos were nothing special and the cheesesteak was probably the best thing to come out of Philly since DJ Jazzy Jeff.

After washing down my food with several cans of the well-stocked Coke product coolers (they had 12-ounce cans this year, which was an improvement over last year's eight-ouncers), I moved on to two American League Central specials.  First, I tried the Fat Rooster from the Cleveland Indians and then I topped it off with the BBQ Burger from the barbecue-loving Kansas City Royals.  The Fat Rooster was surprisingly very hot, but I guess when you top off a fried chicken breast with Frank's Hot Sauce, habañero powder, cajun seasoning, Lawry seasoning, white pepper and garlic, that's to be expected.  The BBQ Burger had pulled pork on top of a steak burger patty, along with American cheese, world-famous Kansas City BBQ sauce and a large onion ring.  Both were a meat lover's dream.

Speaking of meats and love, I loved the meaty offerings from the Cincinnati Reds and Chicago Cubs.  The Reds' dish was a Bulgogi Beef Egg Roll, which had steak, rice, carrots, onions and scallions all drenched in Gochujang sauce, which is a Korean red chili paste.  Meanwhile, the Cubs served up a Beer Can Chicken Sandwich, which was grilled beer-can chicken, bacon and dijonnaise on a brioche bun.  Both were very different and both were very delicious.

Clearly, this food fest was not made for vegans.  (EL/SM)

After eating all of the above meals, I had to take a break to get the food down.  In other words, I had to make a run for the rest room.  Since we only had two hours to eat everything we could get our paws on, I allowed my sisters, Gabby and Iggy, to try some of the delicacies I didn't think I would like.  Since Gabby likes fried foods, she went for the Rocky Mountain Oysters from the Colorado Rockies, while Iggy sampled the Coney Egg Roll from the Detroit Tigers.

Gabby was intrigued by the breaded cowboy caviar and fries.  However, when she found out that cowboy caviar was mostly veggies, she just ate the fries.  Plus, the cowboy caviar was very tough to chew.  Iggy's snack was supposed to have chili on it, but it looks like the server forgot that part.  Despite the missing ingredient, she seemed to enjoy the hot dog and diced onions inside an egg roll.

My pinch-hitters came through when I needed it most.  (EL/SM)

After I returned from what turned into an extended bathroom break (don't ask; what happens in the stall stays in the stall), I didn't think I looked very photogenic so I let my Studious Metsimus colleague take photos of several other items I ended up trying, some of which were amazin' like the 1969 Mets, and some of which were reminiscent of the 1962 Mets, meaning they sucked pretty bad.

First, let's talk about two items that were like the '69 Mets.  The "See You Tater" Backyard BBQ Tots from the Washington Nationals and the Pulled Pork Pierogie Hoagie from the Pittsburgh Pirates were both truly scrumtrulescent.  The first dish had tater tots topped with some incredibly creamy mac and cheese, perfectly crispy onions and pulled pork shoulder covered in tangy BBQ sauce.  The latter sandwich was a repeat offering from last year, but I'm glad it came back because it was my favorite thing to eat in last year's food fest.  Both items had pulled pork, but only Pittsburgh had the smarts to add a pierogi to it.  Seriously, I could eat both of these all day.

Things I wouldn't eat all day included the Curveball Frites (Milwaukee Brewers), Shrimp Po' Boy (New York Yankees) and unfortunately, the Bases Loaded Dog (your New York Mets).  Look at the photos below for the Curveball Frites and Shrimp Po' Boy.  All I see is some tough-to-chew Andouille sausage from Milwaukee and pickles from the Bronx.  Let someone else have those.  And what about Citi Field's Bases Loaded Dog?  Let's just say no one's coming around to score after having that one.  Sorry, Mets.  I still love the team, though.

Now look at the offering to the left of the Bases Loaded Dog in the next-to-last photo below.  That's the Chicken and Bubble Waffle from the Miami Marlins.  Clearly, Derek Jeter had nothing to do with that dish because it was absolutely delicious!  The Marlins took a thick piece of breaded chicken, smothered it with maple aioli and stuffed it in a bubble waffle cone to create the best thing at Marlins Park.

Last, but not least, was the Smoked Pork Belly Bao Buns, courtesy of the Los Angeles Dodgers.  The extreme close-up below perfectly shows off the candied pork belly, corn relish, sriracha aioli and spicy mayo nestled within a soft bao bun.

In order, base hit, base hit, strikeout, strikeout, home run, strikeout, base hit.  (EL/SM)

There was plenty of food to be had at the MLB Food Fest, but for those with smaller stomachs than my own, there were plenty of other things to do to pass the time.

In one corner was a virtual reality home-run hitting game.  There were also TVs everywhere showing all of the day's MLB action as well as a free soft serve ice cream stand (okay, so that still qualifies as food).

There were also larger-than-life sculptures of pretzels and cotton candy, which many people posed for photographs with.  But my personal favorites were the French fry ball tank that I jumped into and the hot dog seesaw, which I hopped on with my siblings.

There was fun for everyone at the MLB Food Fest (EL/SM)

The Studious Metsimus staff had a wonderful time at this year's MLB Food Fest.  The delicacies were plentiful and the portions were bigger this year than they were in 2018, which made it easier to accept the fact that I didn't have time to try about half of the items from all the ballparks.  Sure, there were some things I could have done without (I probably wouldn't have tried what Gabby had), but I have faith that the teams that struck out this year will make up for it at next year's food fest.  And there will be a food fest next year, right?

On that note, it's time to say goodbye from Center 415 in midtown Manhattan.  I hope my report makes you want to visit some road stadiums in the near future.  I know I want to go back to Miami, Pittsburgh and Kansas City, to name a few.

Now it's time for me to collect my M.V.E. Award.  I was kind of expecting a trophy, but I'll take the napkin.  Besides, I think I have some barbecue sauce on my chin.  A trophy probably wouldn't do much good to clean up that mess.  Happy eating, everyone!

I always love being recognized for my work.  (EL/SM)