The K-Rod Deal: Rejected Players To Be Named Later

Yesterday, we speculated about who the two players to be named later would be in the deal that sent Francisco Rodriguez to the Milwaukee Brewers. From Bernie Brewer to Rollie Fingers’ mustache and everyone in between, we pondered whether or not each candidate would be a good choice for the team.

As of today, the Mets have not made their decision public as to who’s coming to New York from Milwaukee. But Studious Metsimus has learned who’s NOT coming to Citi Field. In addition, we have determined why these potential trades, all of which were discussed, did not become a reality. Some may disappoint you, some may shock you, while some may cause you to say “I’ll have what he’s having”.

Regardless of what you may think, you won’t have to worry about seeing the following people, places and things at Citi Field anytime soon. Here are the failed trades, in no particular order:


Wiener & Sausage From The Sausage Race

Middle of the inning races. Washington has the Presidents Race. Pittsburgh has the Pierogies Race. Even Texas has a person in a huge Nolan Ryan costume racing against American historical figures such as Davy Crockett and Sam Houston. But perhaps the most well-known race is the Sausage Race in Milwaukee.

The Brewers would have sent the duo of Wiener & Sausage to the Mets for K-Rod so that the Mets could have their own race between innings, but the Mets declined. Apparently, the Mets scoffed at the deal when the Brewers suggested they create a larger-than-life costume of the beloved R.A. Dickey to be worn by a third participant in the race. The reason for the scoff? Because that would create a race between a Dickey, a Wiener and a Sausage.


Arthur Fonzarelli

Although it was tough to turn down a deal for the Fonz (especially since the Mets already had success with another Fonz in Edgardo Alfonzo), the Mets felt that the acquisition would not have brought Happy Days to Citi Field, especially since the Brewers insisted that the Mets take their DVD set of “Joanie Loves Chachi: The Complete Series” as part of the deal. An anonymous source with knowledge of the failed trade overheard the Mets claiming that the deal jumped the shark at that point.




Arnold’s Drive-In

Once the trade for the Fonz fell through, the Brewers tried to package a deal around Arnold's Drive-In, the ‘50s-style joint frequented by such notable Milwaukee residents such as Richie Cunningham, Potsie Weber and Ralph Malph. Arnold’s would have joined famed Citi Field eateries Shake Shack, Blue Smoke, Box Frites and El Verano Taqueria and given fans a place other than McFadden’s to enjoy a game when they didn’t want to be allowed back into the park.

Before Sandy Alderson could make a decision whether or not to accept the deal, Mets’ chief cook and bottle washer Fred Wilpon vetoed the trade, saying the Mets should also get Arnold himself as part of the deal. Brewers’ ownership didn’t have the heart to tell Wilpon that Pat Morita had died years ago.


Cheeseheads

A group of Cheeseheads was also offered to the Mets for Francisco Rodriguez, which initially appealed to Sandy Alderson. The thought of having a boisterous, loyal group of people in the stands at Citi Field instead of the fickle fans who frequent it today was hard to turn down. However, Alderson thought of the long-term ramifications of this potential trade and decided against pulling the trigger on the deal. Being as media-savvy as he is, he did not want to be cornered into keeping the Cheeseheads around if they spoiled. He knew that if he had to give them their unconditional release, the following day’s headlines would announce to Mets fans that “Sandy Alderson Cut The Cheese”.


Brett Favre

Speaking of Cheeseheads, as a last-ditch effort, the Brewers attempted to send local hero (until he retired for the umpteenth time and decided to play for the Jets and the hated Vikings) Brett Favre to the Mets. Do we really need to go there again? Granted, he’d probably have the best arm on the staff, but instead of throwing on the side between starts, he’d probably spend that time sending Anna Benson suggestive texts. Plus, he’d never retire. Ever. He’d fester like Oliver Perez did for the past two years. Thanks, but no thanks.



Be happy you didn’t get any of the above in the K-Rod trade. Sandy Alderson knows what he’s doing and knows who wouldn’t be a good fit on the Mets. He’s shown that he has the long-term interests of the Mets in mind when he makes or doesn’t make a deal. He’s not like Omar Minaya, who would have either:

• a) Not traded K-Rod at all, or

• 2) Traded him for two guys who were once quite popular in Milwaukee, but are now past their prime. That’s right, Mets fans. I’m talking about Lenny & Squiggy.

It could have been worse. Omar Minaya could have settled for the Big Ragu instead of Lenny and Squiggy.

Someday soon, we’ll know the identities of the players to be named later in the Francisco Rodriguez trade. Until then, we’ll be treated to the closer committee of Jason Isringhausen, Pedro Beato and Bobby Parnell trying to throw his 100 MPH fastball past the National League’s best hitters (and Jimmy Rollins).

For now, K-Rod is in Milwaukee, the Mets are trying to compete for the National League wild card and Joanie Loves Chachi is still one of the worst spinoffs in television history. Yup, everything seems right to me.