The Real Reason Why The Yankees Want Scott Hairston

Everyone is leaving the Yankees these days.  Whether it's a free agent departure (Eric Chavez), a convenient injury that explains a Jason Bay-like slump in the postseason (Alex Rodriguez) or because douches have to replaced every once in a while (Nick Swisher), the once-mighty Yankee offense is a little less mighty these days.

The team with 27 rings and no soul has been looking for a bat or three this offseason, and one player they've been considering is Mets outfielder Scott Hairston.

Hairston, who prior to this season was known to baseball fans only as the guy who has a hot chick's ass on his Wikipedia page, finished the 2012 campaign with 20 HR and 57 RBI for the Mets.  Hairston was an extra-base hit machine for the Mets, collecting 25 doubles and three triples in addition to his 20 homers, doing all this in only 377 at-bats.  He became the first player in Mets history to reach 20 doubles and 20 homers in so few at-bats.

And Hairston also did one more thing, which was so eloquently tweeted by yours truly back in October:

Scott Hairston (20 HR) had more homers this year than A-Rod (18) in 86 fewer at-bats. But A-Rod made $27.9 million more than Hairston. #Mets
— Ed Leyro (@Studi_Metsimus) October 11, 2012

Despite that revealing tweet, that's not the real reason why the Yankees have been coveting Scott Hairston.  The real reason is because they miss a certain someone.  That someone was responsible for leading the team to four championships, including one that we won't mention because it was clinched at Shea Stadium against the Mets.

Since that someone left town after the 2007 season, the Yankees have won one championship in five years, but that one was okay because it was over the hated Phillies in 2009.  In the other four seasons, they failed to make the playoffs (2008), were bounced in the ALCS by a team that had never advanced to a World Series (Texas - 2010), were dealt with quickly in the ALDS (Detroit - 2011) and left their bats at home in an ALCS sweep (Detroit - 2012).

Am I saying that the Yankees miss their old manager, Joe Torre?  Well, if they can't get Torre to come back, then why are they looking for someone who looks eerily like him?

The Yankees are not the same team they used to be, with hitters leaving the team via free agency rather than coming to New York in similar fashion.  Clearly, they need up an offensive upgrade and a less expensive one at that.  That's why they say they're targeting Scott Hairston.  But we know the real reason why they want the power-hitting outfielder.

If the Yankees can't get Joe Torre to come back to manage the team, then they'll just have to settle for his less hirsute doppelganger as a consolation prize.  After all, they did it before when they tried to sign a douche and settled for Nick Swisher, right?

Dissecting The ALCS - Studious Metsimus Style!

For the second consecutive season and third time in seven years, the Detroit Tigers have eliminated the New York Yankees in the playoffs.  The Tigers' four-game sweep represented the first time the Yankees have been swept in a postseason series since 1980, when they lost three straight to the Royals in the best-of-five ALCS.  It's the first four-game sweep of the Yankees since the Reds took out their brooms in the 1976 World Series.  Overall, it's the fifth time the Bronx Bummers have failed to win a game in a postseason series.

All that information is boring.  And it's also being repeated ad nauseam on every site, in every newspaper and every television report.  Blah.  Blah.  Blah.

So how about I dissect the recently-completed American League Championship Series, but putting a Mets spin on it?  Get ready for a quick recap of the ALCS - Studious Metsimus style!

A-Rod demonstrates how to swing like a Yankee.

Sure, the Yankees' 27 championships are 25 more than the Mets have won, but the Yankees' five postseason sweeps (1922 World Series, 1963 World Series, 1976 World Series, 1980 ALCS, 2012 ALCS) are five more sweeps than the Mets have suffered.  In other words, the Mets have NEVER been swept in a postseason series.  In fact, they've won at least three games in all but two postseason series they've participated in.  Here is the Mets' playoff history:

• 1969 NLCS - defeated Atlanta 3-0
• 1969 WS - defeated Baltimore 4-1
• 1973 NLCS - defeated Cincinnati 3-2
• 1973 WS - lost to Oakland 4-3
• 1986 NLCS - defeated Houston 4-2
• 1986 WS - defeated Boston 4-3
• 1988 NLCS - lost to Los Angeles 4-3
• 1999 NLDS - defeated Arizona 3-1
• 1999 NLCS - lost to Atlanta 4-2
• 2000 NLDS - defeated San Francisco 3-1
• 2000 NLCS - defeated St. Louis 4-1
• 2000 WS - lost to New York (AL) 4-1
• 2006 NLDS - defeated Los Angeles 3-0
• 2006 NLCS - lost to St. Louis 4-3

The Mets have played 14 postseason series in club history, winning nine of them.  Of the five they lost, three of them were pushed to a seventh and deciding game.  (The Mets have never lost a best-of-five series, winning all five they've participated in.)  The only two postseason series in which the Mets failed to win at least three games were the 1999 NLCS and the 2000 World Series.

The Yankees collected 22 hits in the four games, doing so in 150 at-bats.  Their combined .157 batting average was eight points lower than Jason Bay's 2012 mark.  But at least Jason Bay hustles all the time.  For their entire nine-game postseason "run", the Yankees went 60-for-320 for a .188 batting average, shattering the record for lowest batting average for a team in a single postseason (min. seven games).  The 1956 Brooklyn Dodgers and the 1965 Minnesota Twins both batted .195 in their respective postseason runs.

Even Jason Bay thought the Yankees stunk it up in the batter's box.

The 1986 Mets actually have something in common with the 2012 Yankees.  In the 1986 NLCS, the Mets' team batting average was a poor .189 (43-for-227).  But the Mets won three games in their final at-bat, including walk-off victories in Games 3 and 5.  In each of those three victories, the Mets never took the lead until the ninth inning or later.  Their only lead in their Game 3 victory came after Lenny Dykstra's walk-off two-run homer in the ninth.  Similarly, the only time the Mets led in Game 5 was when Gary Carter drove in Wally Backman with the winning run in the bottom of the twelfth.  In the sixth game, the Mets tied the game in the ninth, but didn't take the lead for the first time until the 14th inning.  After Billy Hatcher tied the game with a home run, the Mets retook the lead for good in the 16th frame.  The Yankees?  They never held the lead in any of the four games they lost to the Tigers.  For all of Raul Ibañez's heroics, he never gave the Yankees the lead, unlike Lenny Dykstra, Gary Carter, Wally Backman (14th inning of Game 6) and Ray Knight (16th inning of Game 6).

Although the Yankee bats were snoozing more than Keith Hernandez does in the SNY booth, it was widely reported that their pitchers were keeping the games relatively close.  Oh, really?  Says who?  The Tigers batted in 37 innings, reaching base 58 times (46 hits, 12 walks).  That's a WHIP of 1.57.  Detroit kept putting pressure on the Yankees until they eventually broke through.  The '86 Mets never allowed the Astros to put too much pressure on them, as evidenced by their 1.05 WHIP (66 base runners in 63 innings).

Even with a 74-88 record, the 2012 Mets had plenty to be proud of.  R.A. Dickey became the team's first 20-game winner in over two decades and Johan Santana pitched the franchise's first no-hitter.  What are the 2012 Yankees proud of?  They didn't hit well with runners in scoring position during the regular season and they didn't hit well - period - in the postseason.  And because of that, they're going home prior to the World Series for the seventh time in their last eight postseason appearances.  Sucks to be them.

Scott Hairston vs. Alex Rodriguez

It's silly to compare Scott Hairston to Alex Rodriguez.  One is a journeyman who is best suited to be a team's fourth outfielder.  The other could be the majors' all-time leader in home runs, runs scored and runs batted in before he calls it a career.  (I'll let you figure out which one is which.)

Clearly, Alex Rodriguez's career has been one for the books, while Hairston's career has been full of one-year contracts.  But baseball is a business where "what have you done for me lately" is just as important, if not more so, than "what did you do over the last ten years".  And when it comes to Hairston and Rodriguez, one player has done a lot more for his team lately than the other.

On Wednesday night, I posted this tweet about the two players, which got quite a response from my Twitter followers:

Scott Hairston (20 HR) had more homers this year than A-Rod (18) in 86 fewer at-bats. But A-Rod made $27.9 million more than Hairston. #Mets
— Ed Leyro (@Studi_Metsimus) October 11, 2012

But Hairston didn't just out-homer A-Rod.  The Met outfielder also collected eight more doubles and two more triples than Rodriguez, and had a .504 slugging percentage compared to A-Rod's .430.  That means Hairston had more of each type of extra-base hit in 86 fewer at-bats than Rodriguez.

Did I mention that Scott Hairston earned $1.1 million in 2012 while Alex Rodriguez had 29 million reasons to thank his lucky stars?  I did?  Well, it deserves repeating.  The following also deserves a mention.

Alex Rodriguez made $1.6 million per home run in 2012.  Hairston made $1.1 million.  Period.

Scott Hairston rounded the bases 20 times in 2012, a year after trying to hit a home run with my wife.  

(Photo by Sharon Chapman)

When Steve Phillips did not sign Alex Rodriguez prior to the 2001 season, he claimed it was because A-Rod would have been the "one" in a "24-plus-one" roster.  On the other hand, Scott Hairston has been the one who has complemented the other 24 members of the team perfectly since he signed with the Mets prior to the 2011 season.

Let the Yankees give their money away to fading stars.  The Mets can get similar production from players like Scott Hairston without having to break their piggy bank into 29 million pieces.  I'll take Hairston over A-Rod any day.

Studious Metsimus Exclusive: Pedro Martinez Joins Bloods

Throughout the years, Pedro Martinez has made it quite clear that he is not fond of the Yankees. His hatred of the Evil Empire runs through his veins. Now he has taken his venom to a new level. That's right, my loyal SMFs. Pedro Martinez has gone gangsta.

But we're not talking about Jerry Manuel gangsta (that's gangsta-lite). We're talking about the real deal here. As this exclusive photo shows you, Pedro Martinez has now joined the Bloods.

This was not an unexpected move. In 2001, while a member of the Red Sox, Petey Daddy (as he's known on the streets) asked the media if they could wake up the Bambino (Babe Ruth) so he could drill him in the ass.

Two years later during the 2003 ALCS, Petey Daddy was involved in a bench-clearing incident with the Yankees. After teammate Manny Ramirez showed his displeasure at an inside pitch that he believed was an attempt at headhunting, Mr. Daddy decided to do a little headhunting of his own after Yankee bench coach Don Zimmer charged at him during the fracas.









Petey Daddy's act of violence might have served as a precursor to becoming a Blood, but his actions did serve to expose Zimmer in a new light.

During the post-game press conference after Fight Night at Fenway was over, it was revealed that the term "Evil Empire" was quite appropriate to describe the Yankees. When Zimmer came up to the podium, he confessed to the media that he was really Darth Vader. Being the elder statesman on the Yankees, that made him Pedro's father. Hence, the "Who's your Daddy?" chants at Yankee Stadium.













Petey Daddy is now a member of the Phillies and he's facing the Yankees in the World Series for the first time. Although he is now a few years older, his affiliation with the Bloods means that his "family" will have his back on the field in case he encounters difficulties on the mound.

If Alex Rodriguez dares to get a base hit off Petey Daddy, Kate Hudson will be "taken care of". If A.J. Burnett is seen running around with shaving cream pies, Petey's brothers will give A.J. their own version of a close shave.

The only problem Petey Daddy might encounter could be internal. In another exclusive photo, it appears as if Ryan Howard has affiliated himself with Snoop Dogg. Although that is not reason enough to cause a feud in the clubhouse, the Doggfather was once a member of the Crips, a.k.a. the Bloods' sworn enemies.











Could Ryan Howard and his "connections" be the ones who could stop Petey Daddy from bringing down the Evil Empire? Perhaps. But I wouldn't count on it. The power of Petey might be too much for the Yankees to handle.

Be afraid, Yankees. Be very afraid. Once upon a time, Petey Daddy claimed to want the Babe exhumed so he could drill him in the ass. Now he's probably prepared to bust a cap in his ass as well.

ESPN: Embarrassing Steve Phillips News

Steve Phillips stuck his foot in it again (and that wasn't the only thing he stuck somewhere). His latest extramarital affair with an ESPN production assistant has caused him to take a leave of absence from his undeserved job with the sports network. This is not the first time Steve Phillips has embarrassed himself. Let's take a look over the years to see how Steve Phillips: Baseball Anal-ist got to be where he is today:

In 1997, Steve Phillips became the Mets' general manager. He celebrated his promotion by trading for Mike Piazza in 1998 and by having numerous affairs with women, one of which led to a sexual harassment civil suit that was settled out of court.

Apparently, the woman thought she was having sex with SNL alum and "Wayne's World" star Dana Carvey. When she tried to get Phillips to say "schwing", he said "not gonna do it". That's when she realized her mistake and brought about the suit.

In perhaps the high point of his career, the players signed and traded for by Phillips (Al Leiter, Mike Piazza, Robin Ventura, Mike Hampton) led the Mets to the team's first World Series appearance since 1986.

After winning the pennant, numerous companies were looking for Mets players to endorse their products. As always, Phillips stuck his foot in his mouth when he removed his cap during the champagne celebration in an attempt to get a spot for Just For Men.

Unbeknownst to him, the bubbly had darkened his hair and the commercial eventually went to Keith Hernandez. This marked the beginning of the end for Steve Phillips and his career with the Mets.

The Mets lost the World Series to the Yankees that year, but Phillips had a chance to redeem himself in the offseason when Alex Rodriguez's name came up. However, he claimed that A-Rod was a "24-plus-one" player who wanted a special tent to sell his merchandise and would therefore not be a good fit for the Mets. In the nine seasons since Phillips' assessment of A-Rod, all Rodriguez has done is hit 394 HR, which is 142 HR more than any Met player has hit in franchise history. It's okay, though. At least Phillips made up for it by signing Mo Vaughn in 2002.

Bobby Valentine was always a fan favorite. In his six-plus years as Mets manager, he became the only man to guide the team to back-to-back playoff appearances, including the 2000 World Series. His 536 victories as Mets manager ranks second behind Davey Johnson's 595 wins. Why is this relevant in a blog about Steve Phillips? Because naturally, Steve Phillips couldn't stand Valentine.

Although Phillips claimed he didn't fire three of Valentine's coaches in 1999 to send a message to the manager, Valentine always viewed the firings as a personal attack on him. Eventually, Phillips did fire Valentine after the 2002 season and replaced him with legendary Mets manager Art Howe. Valentine made sure not to lock the door on his way out as Phillips soon followed him out on June 12, 2003.

Studious Metsimus was able to uncover the one happy moment in the Bobby V - Stevie P relationship. Phillips thought Bobby V was laughing at his "a horse walked into a bar" joke when in reality, he was laughing at the previous night's episode of Seinfeld.

In 2005, Phillips was hired by ESPN as a baseball analyst. He appeared on Baseball Tonight and SportsCenter as well as the network's Wednesday Night Baseball telecasts. In 2009, he joined Jon Miller and Joe Morgan in the Sunday Night Baseball booth.

He also joined FEMA, but in his case, the letters stood for Frequent Extra Marital Affairs. When he decided to break things off with his latest conquest, an ESPN employee named Brooke Hundley, poop really hit the fan for Phillips. The latest fling for the Sexaholics Anonymous dropout caused his marriage to end and may affect his ESPN career. It's amazing his mouth is big enough for him to constantly be able to stick his foot into it.

Who knows when and where Steve Phillips will pop up next? Is his career with ESPN over due to his latest embarrassing moment? His wife surely doesn't want him back. Should anyone?

One thing's for sure. The man who brought Mets fans the return of Bobby Bonilla has a long history of embarrassing moments. Wherever he does wind up, I'm sure his foot will be ready for its next insertion into his mouth.

Why We Can't Have A Yankees-Phillies World Series

The Yankees finished with the best record in baseball, swept the red-hot Twins in the ALDS and are now playing the Angels in the American League Championship Series. The Phillies won their third straight division title, were clutch in Colorado and are now trying to repeat as National League Champions. Both teams are currently three wins away from a World Series showdown.

I am a Mets fan. I hate the Yankees. I hate the Phillies. I hate the possibility of a Yankees-Phillies World Series, although I know it might very well happen. However, if the world is to continue spinning on its axis, we CANNOT have a Yankees-Phillies Fall Classic (or Fall Crassic, if you will). I'm Joey and here is why this matchup could be a potential disaster.


As Mets fans, how could we root for either team? Yay, Derek Jeter just struck out with the bases loaded! Oh wait, it was Cole Hamels who struck him out. Woohoo, Utley just let a ball go through his legs! Here comes A-Rod to score the go-ahead run. Ugh! See what I mean?

This potential World Series matchup would be like 1999 all over again for Mets fans. In 1999, Kenny Rogers roasted the Mets and their fans by walking every member of the Atlanta Braves in the bottom of the 11th.

Random thought: Perhaps this is where Oliver Perez learned his mantra of "walks are part of the game". If he was going to learn from a master, he should have learned from Pai Mei and not from the Gambler.










Because of Kenny's donations to the Atlanta Frequent Walker Club, we were subjected to a Yankees-Braves World Series. I was not alive then, but my colleague was. He told me that he did not watch a single pitch of that World Series because he couldn't root for the Bronx Bummers or the team that prevented the Mets from playing on.

Although the same teams faced each other in the 1996 World Series, the Braves did not have the same rivalry with the Mets in '96 as they did in '99 (the Mets were 71-91 in 1996). Therefore, that World Series wasn't as unwatchable as the '99 Series was.

If Studious Metsimus is going to cover the 2009 World Series, we would probably need to watch at least one pitch of it. I can be sure that if the Yankees play the Phillies, we'll be watching "Ghost Hunters" or the series premiere of "V" instead.

In addition to it being an unwatchable World Series for Mets fans, please recall that the Yankees and Phillies have played each other in the World Series once before. That was in 1950, when the Yankees swept the so-called "Whiz Kids", which was the stupid name the Phillies were playfully known as that season. What happened after that World Series? The USA entered the Korean War and the Yankees went on to win the next three World Series.

We do not need a repeat of that! As the movie "Team America: World Police" so succinctly stated, don't f**k with Kim Jong-il! America does not need more conflict overseas and Mets fans certainly don't need to see Alex Rodriguez finally win a ring or three, thereby becoming a "True Yankee".

Let's hope the Angels and Dodgers can pull out victories in their respective series to prevent our hated rivals from winning a pennant and playing for a World Series Championship.

I would like to watch baseball in November and not have to worry that a particular fan base will be spending the entire winter bragging about their pennant and/or championship. Besides, I'm getting the feeling those aren't real ghosts being recorded on the infrared vision and EVP recorders on "Ghost Hunters" anyway.