I Have The Solution To The Mets' Bullpen Problem!

After the Mets' meltdown across the border in Toronto, where they allowed 14 runs to the Blue Jays (including six more runs given up by the bullpen), the team decided a change needed to be made.  As per ESPNNewYork's own Adam Rubin, the Mets are expected to call up Jeremy Hefner to fortify their tattered bullpen.  Although the Mets have made no formal announcement of this transaction as of this writing, the prime candidate for demotion/release/being sent to the principal's office is Manny Acosta (although the team is leaning toward demoting Jordany Valdespin and his "I own Jonathan Papelbon" shirt).

Acosta allowed five runs to the Blue Jays last night in two innings of so-called "work".  For the season, Acosta has allowed 27 runs (23 earned) in 19⅔ innings.  He has allowed more runs than any pitcher on the Mets' staff except Dillon Gee.  Yes, you read that correctly.  A relief pitcher is second on the team in runs allowed.  R.A. Dickey, who has thrown 30⅔ innings more than Acosta, has allowed five fewer runs (two fewer earned runs) than the man who has continued the tradition of putrid pitching in uniform No. 46.

Jeremy Hefner had a cup of coffee in the major leagues earlier this season, pitching three innings of scoreless relief in a loss to the Giants.  That's fine and dandy.  But it's still only three innings of major league experience.  He might not be the long-term solution.  But I might just have a better solution.

Earlier today, I had a discussion with Clayton Collier.  (Follow him on Twitter here, why don't ya?)  Clayton is a writer for numerous sites, such as Mets Merized Online, and is the founder/head baseball writer at Trifecta Sports, so it's safe to say he knows what he's talking about when it comes to baseball and the Mets.

In our discussion, we talked about some previous faux suggestions for bullpen help, such as Tim Tebow, whose erratic left arm would strike the fear of God into opposing batters.  Clayton also suggested Jeremy Lin, although his curveball isn't as good as his crossover.

That's when the eco-friendly light bulb lit up above my head (albeit dimly).  I know what the Mets have to do to strengthen their bullpen.  Cue up the video...





That's right, kids!  I'm throwing my own Mets hat into the ring.  I'm nominating myself to help the Mets' relief corps.

You see, when R.A. Dickey gave me tips on how to throw a knuckleball, I shocked him by not only throwing a perfect strike, but by knocking his ball out of the hole.  (Dickey threw a practice pitch and embedded it into the haystack that served as the strike zone.  My pitch hit his ball in the center of the strike zone and dislodged it.)

Hitters would be so confounded by my knuckleball, a stark contrast to the 100-MPH heat thrown by Bobby Parnell and the assortment of other pitches thrown by the rest of the crew, that they wouldn't know what to do with it.  Either that or they'd just laugh so hard at the out-of-shape noob on the mound that they wouldn't notice strike three fluttering by.

Think about it, Mets fans.  It makes sense on so many levels.  I have acquired pitching experience from my personal lesson with knuckleball guru R.A. Dickey.  I also own many personalized Mets jerseys, so I'd even save the cash-strapped Wilpons some money since they wouldn't have to make new uniforms for me.

It's time to get the campaign rolling!  Let's get some fresh blood into the Mets bullpen!  No more turning the relief corps into the relief corpse!

Put me in, coach!  I'm ready to play!  Look at me, I can be ... your reliever!

Tim Tebow Could Fill The Holiest of Holies In The Mets' Bullpen

With the uncertainty surrounding the lefty specialist role in the bullpen, the Mets have been considering a number of options.  Tim Byrdak was originally supposed to fill that position for the team.  Oops.  The Hulkamaniac needed surgery to repair a torn meniscus and was lost for the season opener faster than Randy Savage could snap into a Slim Jim.  Garrett Olson was then supposed to be the favorite to replace Thunder Lips.  Instead, he became a human baseball magnet, attracting line drives whenever he stepped onto a mound.  He has since been reassigned to the minors.  Robert Carson?  He was injured as well, plus no one really knew who he was when he wasn’t wearing his “Hi, my name is Robert Carson” nametag.

Remember Daniel Herrera?  He pitched well in his late-season tryout last year after the Mets acquired him for Francisco “Frankie Knuckles” Rodriguez.  But alas, the lilliputian lefty will only be considered for the specialist role as a last resort.

On Monday, Joe Beimel was released by the Texas Rangers.  The soon-to-be 35-year-old had been on the Mets’ radar for many years now, but he did not pitch well for the Pirates last year, finishing the year with a 5.33 ERA.  So who’s left to consider as the first lefty to come out of the bullpen when the situation presents itself?  No divine intervention needed here.  The answer to the Mets’ prayers might be across the Hudson River in New Jersey.

He wore blue and orange in Denver.  Might he do the same as the lefty specialist in Flushing?

Tim Tebow was traded to the New York Jets to be their backup quarterback.  Why should this news be of interest to the Mets?  Because...

• 1) He won’t be doing anything in April, as the Jets are in the middle of their offseason.
• b) He’s a quarterback, meaning he’s experienced using his arm.
• iii) He’s a lefty.

Considering that the Mets are in dire need of a lefty specialist in the bullpen while Byrdak recovers from his injury, why wouldn’t they consider the left-handed Tebow?  After all, he’s going to need to keep his arm in shape so it can be ready for clipboard-holding duties once Jets training camp opens.

As a quarterback, Tebow has been much maligned.  He throws too many incomplete passes.  He tends not to be able to throw passes of more than 30 yards.  He spends too much time running with the ball.  He drinks too much milk on the sidelines.  Yada yada yada.  But as a left-handed reliever?  Now that’s where his future might be.

As a pitcher, Tebow wouldn’t have to hit a moving receiver standing 30 yards away.  All he’d have to do is hit a stationary target (the catcher’s mitt) from a distance of 60 feet, 6 inches.  That’s only 20 yards.

Also, anyone who’s seen Tebow throw a pass knows that his balls tend to move quite a bit once his hand releases them.  (You do know I’m talking about footballs here.  Don’t blaspheme Tebow.)  Although the wobbliness of his balls would tend to be disadvantageous in football, as it’s harder for a receiver to catch a ball that’s not thrown in a perfect spiral, Tebow could work that to his advantage as a relief pitcher.  Pitches with movement would probably cause more swings and misses and could also induce the pitcher’s best friend, the double play grounder.

On the football field, a quarterback could get seriously hurt if he runs around too much.  The next time Tebow cuts left on the gridiron, he might experience a close encounter of the 300-pound lineman kind.  On the pitcher’s mound, however, being mobile can be beneficial.  Johan Santana has always possessed cat-like quickness on the mound.  So did former Met and public school enthusiast Mike Hampton.  To be able to move around quickly on and around the mound is tantamount to having a fifth infielder.  Ground balls up the middle aren’t always destined to go into center field.  A mobile pitcher is also the perfect foil for a batter who has a tendency to drop down bunts.  At the very least, a fast-moving pitcher can also get out of the way of line drives easier than one who doesn’t possess keen reflexes.

At Shea Stadium, fans would always get pumped whenever Billy Wagner came into the game to Metallica’s “Enter Sandman” from 2006 to 2008.  Some fans even paused on the Shake Shack line when J.J. Putz entered a game to AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck” in 2009.  Hard rock songs and relief pitchers go together like Bobby Bonilla and earplugs.  So it would seem like a match made in heaven if Tim Tebow would charge in from the bullpen to Stryper’s “To Hell With The Devil”.  Would the Shea Bridge be able to handle all the fans Tebowing in unison as he made his way to the mound?

"Hey, Tim Tebow's coming in from the bullpen!  Cue Stryper.  No, I'm not kidding.  Honestly."

The Mets improved their bullpen during the offseason, adding Jon Rauch, Ramon Ramirez and Frank Francisco.  But all three pitchers are right-handers.  The only southpaw in the bullpen mix was Tim Byrdak.  Now he more than likely won’t be ready for Opening Day and the Mets are left scrambling for his replacement.

Garrett Olson is back in the minors.  Robert Carson forgot his ID and is not being allowed into the ballpark.  Joe Beimel has cooties.  Daniel Herrera might become Tim Byrdak's replacement by default, but the best option for the interim lefty specialist job might be the guy who knows a thing or two about option plays.

Tim Tebow, left-handed reliever?  Hey, it could be worse.  At least the Mets aren’t thinking of signing Sidd Finch … yet.