The Magic 8-Ball Predicts the 2017 Mets Season

The Mets are coming off back-to-back postseason appearances for only the second time in team history.  After their first set of consecutive playoff berths in 1999 and 2000, New York barely finished above .500 in 2001.  After that, the Mets ran Bobby Valentine out of town in 2002 and then Art Howe battled his way through two lousy seasons.

Will the 2017 Mets follow the breadcrumbs left behind by their underachieving early-aughts predecessors?  Or will they actually go where no Mets team has gone before; the playoffs for a third straight season?

Only time and a 162-game campaign will tell.  But in our case, we don't have to wait for the end of a six-month season to discover the Mets' fate.  We have a Magic 8-Ball for that.  And since it usually doesn't want to be bothered, let's ask it our annual questions before it starts acting like a douche.  (Although I think the Magic 8-Ball can be quite amusing when it acts like Bryce Harper.)

So without further ado, here's your buddy and mine, the Magic 8-Ball!  It's wonderful to have you back, M8B!

Um, I'm the guy who asks you questions every year about the state of the Mets.  In fact, this is the eighth year we've done this.  Clearly, you must remember our interviews.

Sorry I don't meet your expectations.  Who did you want to interview you?  Mike Lupica?  Jared Diamond?  The late Jimmy Breslin?

Well, he's hibernating right now so you've got me!  Anyway, let's just get on to the questions.  What's your outlook on the Mets' pitching staff?  Will they carry the team to the promised land?

Not exactly?  Do you not think Noah Syndergaard is a legitimate Cy Young Award candidate?  You can't think Jacob deGrom will be inconsistent like he was last year now that he found his velocity again.  And Robert Gsellman and Seth Lugo looked pretty solid at the end of the 2016 season as well.  What's missing from the staff that will prevent them from attaining late October glory?

Do you honestly think Colón is the missing link who could carry the team to a World Series title?

Ha ha.  Very funny.  Let's shift to the offense.  Will Jay Bruce ever be able to match the numbers he put up in Cincinnati?

That's good to hear.  So does that mean we should expect 30+ homers and close to 100 RBI from the Mets' right fielder?

Because of course you were.  Speaking of 30+ homers and 100 RBI...

Fine!  While I was on the subject of 30 HR and 100 RBI, what do you think are the chances of Lucas Duda recovering from the injury that caused him to miss most of last season?  Will he ever become a feared hitter who can protect Yoenis Céspedes in the lineup?

I guess carrying an okay stick is better than carrying James Loney on the 25-man roster.  Now let's talk about Asdrubal Cabrera.  Will he have another solid season like the one he had in 2016?

What's going to happen?  Is Cabrera going to get his finger stuck in a teammate's batting helmet when he takes it off his head?  Will one of his game-ending bat flips end up whacking him on the head when the bat returns to terra firma?  I need to know! 

At least?  For getting bleach in his eye just from dyeing his hair?  What could possibly be the reason for his disabled list stint being longer than 60 days?

That's a valid point.  It's probably the first one you've made all day.

Whatever.  So let's talk about something that can't possibly lead to an argument.  I'm talking about Yoenis Céspedes.  He just signed a four-year, $110 million contract to stay in New York when most people thought he would sign for more years and/or more dollars elsewhere.  What are your thoughts on the man who's turned Citi Field into his own personal playground?

How can you possibly say that?  He's become an icon in just a year and a half.  His face adorns one of the greatest Free Shirt Friday giveaways from last season.  His walk-up music is from "The Lion King".  What could he possibly have done to get that kind of reaction from you?

You have a parking spot?  How are you even able to drive a car?  Who are you?  Toonces?

I think my head's about to explode.  Before it does, just give me your prediction on the Mets' final record this year and where they will finish in the division.

Wait, they're going to finish tied for first with the Nationals?  So who wins the tiebreaker?  Is the loser of the tiebreaker the wild card team or do they miss the playoffs altogether?

Why that no good son of a...  I hope you drive off a cliff with Toonces!

Ahem.

On that note, I think it's best if we just move away from the Magic 8-Ball and move into the 2017 baseball season.  It's been a long off-season, especially after Conor Gillaspie happened.  But like Mark McGwire once said, we're not here to talk about the past.  So let's look forward to the season that's about to begin for the Mets on Monday.  There's plenty to be excited about in 2017.

There's the return of Zack Wheeler.  There's also a ton of offensive talent playing in the final years of their contracts, which means players like Curtis Granderson, Neil Walker and Jose Reyes will be super motivated to have great seasons so they can earn another lucrative deal.  (Jay Bruce is also playing for a new contract, but I didn't mention him because I was only talking about talented offensive players.)

I hope you're looking forward to the upcoming season as much as I am.  And I certainly hope you're more optimistic about your favorite Mets players than a certain plastic prognosticator is.

Until next time, I hope you enjoy all the Opening Day festivities on Monday.  And remember, please help control the sarcastic sphere population by having your Magic 8-Ball spayed or neutered.

LET'S GO METS!!

Hey, kids!  The Magic 8-Ball has been making predictions since 2010, the year Jason Bay first soiled us with his presence.  To see what the Magic 8-Ball said prior to each of the previous seven seasons, please click on the links below:

2016 Magic 8-Ball Predictions

2015 Magic 8-Ball Predictions
2014 Magic 8-Ball Predictions
2013 Magic 8-Ball Predictions

2012 Magic 8-Ball Predictions

2011 Magic 8-Ball Predictions

2010 Magic 8-Ball Predictions

The Magic 8-Ball Predicts The 2016 Mets Season

Last year, for the first time in seven seasons, the Mets produced a winning record.  They also won their first division title since James Blunt told us that we were beautiful and Shakira claimed her hips didn't lie.  And of course, New York appeared in a World Series for the first time since a month before hanging chads opened our eyes and entered the lexicon.

But like Mark McGwire standing before Congress and unlike Yankees fans standing before Mets fans, we're not here to talk about the past.  Rather, we're here to discuss what we expect from the Mets during the upcoming 2016 campaign.  And who better to talk about future events than our old pal, the Magic 8-Ball?

Of course, our sarcastic sphere has been a persnickety prognosticator since we first used its services in 2010, quicker with an insult than with a prediction.  However, our round plastic friend has also been correct on several topics, meaning we can depend on it just as much as we can count on Jonathan Papelbon being a douche.

So let's stop yapping and let's bring in the ball that knows it all.  Straight outta the box, it's the Magic 8-Ball!  Welcome back, M8B!

Um ... yeah.  That's not quite the response I expected from you.  Is everything okay, my friend?

That's a very good reason for you to be happy.  Although "happy" and "Magic 8-Ball" don't usually go hand-in-hand.  Are you absolutely sure you're well enough to answer my questions today?  After all, Mets fans have been anxiously waiting all winter for what you have to say.  To them, you're like the Punxsutawney Phil of predictors.

That's absolutely right.  Although it sounds strange hearing that from you.  Anyway, let's just start with the questions.  I'll wonder whether you have a concussion or not after we're done.  Do you think the Mets' starting pitching will be as good on the field as it is on paper?

That's great to hear.  Who do you think will emerge as the top pitcher in the rotation?

And what has Syndergaard shown you to make you feel this way?

That's true.  Anyone who appreciates Bartolo Colon's veteran presence as much as Thor does should definitely pick up a thing or two on how to be a successful pitcher in the major leagues.  And speaking of successful pitchers, what are your thoughts on Jacob deGrom losing some of the velocity on his fastball?

Really?  Wouldn't that make it easier for opposing hitters to catch up to his heater?

Ergonomically correct?  I don't understand what you mean by that.

Ah, I gotcha now.  He'll be able to pinpoint his pitches better if his luscious locks don't flow freely across his face as he releases the ball.  That's some good outside the box thinking by you.

Good point.  Now, we've discussed Syndergaard and deGrom.  We also know from past experience that Matt Harvey will give you the finger if you believe he's not going to have a successful season.  But what about Steven Matz?  He only made six regular season starts last year and suffered his first loss at the big league level in the postseason.  Opposing hitters batted .283 against him in the playoffs, which was not very impressive.  Are you concerned about him as he enters his first full season in the majors?

That's incredibly optimistic of you.  I mean, he got hurt last year.  He was pitching in and out of jams in the postseason.  And he was inconsistent in Grapefruit League action this year.  What makes you so sure he'll able to pitch effectively for the Mets this season?

Don't mess with the family or you're gonna get whacked.  Got it.  (Even though I thought Grandpa Bert was a good fella.)

Let's move on to the offense now.  Sandy Alderson did what no sane person thought he could do; he re-signed Yoenis Cespedes to a team-friendly contract.  In addition to adding switch hitters Neil Walker and Asdrubal Cabrera to the team, plus the first full season of Michael Conforto in a Mets uniform, does this make the Mets one of the top offensive teams in the National League?

Why does it have to?  No one can know for certain how Cespedes, Walker, Cabrera and Conforto will handle their first full seasons in Mets uniforms.

That's true.  The Mets should have a better lineup by default when they're competing against the likes of the Braves, Phillies, Brewers, Reds, Padres, etc.

Speaking of bats that aren't healthy, what are your feelings on David Wright?  His lifetime supply of spinal stenosis will surely cause him to miss at least a month's worth of games.  Do you think the Mets will be able to withstand long stretches without their captain in the lineup?

You're very confident with your answer.  Do you really think players such as Wilmer Flores will be able to fill Wright's shoes both offensively and defensively?  What will the Mets do if Flores doesn't perform well when he eventually has to fill in for Wright?

It worked before.  Can't see why it wouldn't work again.  So let's get to the good part.  What's your final prediction for the Mets' record this year?

Wow!  After so many years of you predicting doom and gloom for the Mets, I certainly wasn't expecting that.  Do you truly think they're going to win it all this year?  What will propel them to October (and perhaps November) glory?

Wait, don't you mean Zack Wheeler?  He's the one returning from Tommy John surgery on or around the first of July.  And isn't Sidd Finch a fictional character?  If I recall, he was just part of an elaborate April Fool's joke.  What are you trying to say?

Wait, so you weren't being sincere with your answers?  Even after I voiced my pleasure at receiving honest responses from you?

I guess I'm the fool on this early April day.

And on that note, I think it's best if we bid adieu to the Magic 8-Ball for another season, as we wonder if the Mets are really going to win 98 regular season games and 11 more in the postseason to win their third World Series championship.  It's certainly possible that the team with the best starting rotation in baseball and an offense that's among the best and deepest in the National League can take the crown after coming within three wins of a title last year.  We'll just have to wait until the fall to see which of the Magic 8-Ball's predictions were a hoax and which, if any, were legitimate.  Because just like someone who claims to be a lifelong Marlins fan, it's tough to believe anything the Magic 8-Ball says.

That's all for this year's predictions.  Hopefully, you're all as ready for the upcoming regular season as I am, especially since the 2016 season is sure to be one of the most highly anticipated campaigns in the history of the franchise.  And before I forget, please help control the skullduggerous sphere population.  Have your Magic 8-Ball spayed or neutered.

LET'S GO METS!!

Hey, kids!  The Magic 8-Ball has been making predictions since 2010, the year Jason Bay first soiled us with his presence.  To see what the Magic 8-Ball said prior to each of the previous six seasons, please click on the links below:

2015 Magic 8-Ball Predictions
2014 Magic 8-Ball Predictions
2013 Magic 8-Ball Predictions

2012 Magic 8-Ball Predictions

2011 Magic 8-Ball Predictions

2010 Magic 8-Ball Predictions

The Magic 8-Ball Predicts The 2015 Mets Season

As the long winter turns to spring in the Big Apple, our thoughts turn from yellow snow and dodging slush puddles to the green grass of the ballpark and the smells of hot dogs, Pat LaFrieda meats and bacon on a stick.  Or if you're a vegan, perhaps you're into the smells of veggie dogs, Terra chips and edamame.

No matter what tickles your olfactory senses, your other senses are about to come to life on Monday when the Mets return to action, opening the curtain on the 2015 campaign.  And with the return of Matt Harvey, the potential of new hitting instructor Kevin Long waking up the bats of a team that hit .239 last season and the arrival of David Wright's BFF, Michael Cuddyer, it's the first time in the Citi Field era that fans are optimistic about the return of winning baseball to Flushing.

With that in mind, I decided it was time to wake up our old friend, the Magic 8-Ball, to see what it thought about the upcoming baseball season.  Would it finally acknowledge that the Mets were close to contending for a playoff spot?  Or would it be its crotchety old self, threatening to call the cops on me for not getting off its lawn?

Why don't we just let the Magic 8-Ball give you all the answers to the questions you were afraid to ask?  The floor's all yours, M8B!

Oh, sorry about that.  But now that you're up, I'd like to ask you a few questions about the 2015 Mets.  I promise it won't take up much of your time and you'll be to get back to your comfortable bed in no time.

Really?  What do you sleep on then, if you don't mind me asking?

And why's that?

I should have seen that response coming from a mile away.  Anyway, let's just get to the first question.  Do you feel the Mets improved enough to contend for a playoff berth in 2015?

Just one trade?  What would it be?  Trading prospects for a more experienced shortstop?  Sending Dillon Gee packing for a legitimate bat?  Re-acquiring Scott Atchison so he can serve as a father figure to Bartolo Colon?

Wow!  A two-for-one deal!  I'm sure many long-suffering Mets fans would approve that transaction.

A steal of a deal!  Let's hope Sandy Alderson is reading this so he can trade away the people who sign his paycheck.  Speaking of paychecks, do you think Lucas Duda is worth a long-term contract extension after his first good season as a Met?

I never knew you were such a believer in the talent of Lucas Duda.

Moving on to the pitching side of things, what do you expect from Matt Harvey this year?  Will he be able to lead the Mets to their first postseason berth since 2006?

He did?  I don't remember him doing that.  That would have been a major news story.  Where did he make such a prediction?

Oh, wait.  You're talking about when he tweeted a photo of his middle finger from his hospital bed as he was about to undergo Tommy John surgery, aren't you?

I guess he was.  So let's move on to the team's closer situation.  Do you think Bobby Parnell will take over as closer once he comes off the disabled list?  Or will Jenrry Mejia continue to hold the position?

Even with the more experienced Parnell wanting to reclaim what was once his?  Parnell had a wonderful season in 2013 (2.16 ERA, 1.00 WHIP, .211 batting average against him).  Mejia was a little more shaky as a closer (2.72 ERA, 1.42 WHIP, .265 batting average against him).  Can't there be a compromise between the bearded Parnell and the stomping Mejia?

That's downright frightening.  Plus, I didn't know Magic 8-Balls were capable of altering photographs in such a way.  I thought you were just a one-tool player.

Did you just use ball (snicker) and tools (giggle) in the same sentence?

Sorry.  That was very unprofessional of me.  Let's get to a true professional - David Wright.  The Mets captain had a subpar season in 2014, but he appears to have fully recovered from the shoulder injury that limited him to a .269 batting average and a career-low eight home runs.  Will he be able to produce better numbers in 2015?

He has to what?  You'll have to be a little more specific.

And which horrible memories are you referring to?

Ouch.  That is a horrible memory.  Okay, so I just have one more question to ask you before I get your prediction on the team's final record.  Then you can go back to your box for nap time.

This is the final year of Terry Collins's current contract.  If he leads the Mets to the playoffs, will he come back to manage the team in 2016 and beyond?

How would he not keep his job if he manages the team to its first winning season since 2008 and first postseason appearance since 2006?   It would seem like a slam dunk for the team to bring him back following that type of success.

Good point.  So let's end this by asking you for your prediction on the team's final record and standing in the NL East. 

But you said Matt Harvey predicted back in 2013 that the Mets would finish in first place this year.

And that's why Matt Harvey works his magic on the mound and you're the prognostication expert.  Thanks for taking the time to be with us today, M8B.  And I'm sorry for waking you up earlier.

Did I just shake the Magic 8-Ball to sleep?  Well, as a Mets fan, the time for sleep is over because we're on the cusp of a new season - one that might produce meaningful games in September and beyond.  And also one that could potentially cause the Wilpons to break open their piggy banks at the trade deadline for a change.  Assuming they're not traded with Saul Katz for a legitimate owner and a Mex Burger, of course.

Have fun this season, Mets fans!  It should be a pretty cool ride this summer.  And lest I forget, please help control the restless sphere population.  Have your Magic 8-Ball spayed or neutered.

LET'S GO METS!!

Hey, kids!  The Magic 8-Ball has been making predictions since 2010, the year Jason Bay first soiled us with his presence.  To see what the Magic 8-Ball said prior to each of the previous five seasons, please click on the links below:

2014 Magic 8-Ball Predictions
2013 Magic 8-Ball Predictions

2012 Magic 8-Ball Predictions

2011 Magic 8-Ball Predictions

2010 Magic 8-Ball Predictions