Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The Magic 8-Ball Predicts The 2011 Mets Season

Spring has finally arrived! Can you feel it in the air? This is the time of the year when you can be excited about the better weather (only to find out that a nor'easter is coming), your fantasy baseball rosters (only to stop caring in July when you're in last place because you couldn't find any takers for Luis Castillo. Hey, it's not your fault that you believed he was going to be in the Phillies' lineup every day due to Chase Utley's injury only to find out belatedly that he was released prior to Opening Day.) and Mets baseball!

To prepare you for the upcoming season, we'd like to present our annual Mets predictions. As always, these predictions are conducted scientifically and are guaranteed to be accurate. How do we know that? Because we're using our Magic 8-Ball! So what say we grab this ball, shake it up and see what happens.

Sorry about that. I didn't realize you were so sensitive, especially since people rub you all the time. Anyway, here's our first question to you. What kind of season will Jason Bay have in 2011?

I see. Does that mean he will finish with 23 HR and no concussions or are you predicting something else?

Apparently, our Magic 8-Ball might have a concussion of its own. Let's move on to the next question. How do you see Brad Emaus performing at second base?

That's not bad, considering that Dan Uggla signed a five-year, $62 million contract extension with the Atlanta Braves during the off-season after posting his fourth consecutive 30-homer season in 2010 with the Marlins.

Well, hopefully, Brad Emaus can be a better defensive player than Dan Uggla. Now on to the pitching staff. Johan Santana will miss the first half of the season as he continues his rehabilitation and recovery from shoulder surgery. Which pitcher will become the staff's ace in his absence?

Why do you think Dickey will pitch the best out of all the starters?

Ahem. You do realize that this is a family-friendly blog, right?

Never mind. One more player question. Will Francisco Rodriguez finish 55 games this season, causing his $17.5 million option for 2012 to kick in?

Yes. What does have to do with the question I asked you about the number of times he'll be allowed to finish a ballgame?

Fine. Let me rephrase the question, if it makes you feel better. Will K-Rod get the 55 appearances required for his 2012 option to vest?

Hey, wait a minute! Now you listen to me! How come you get to say that while I was reprimanded for saying something similar?

Forget it. I'll just ask one more question and then I'll leave you alone. I have no idea why I consulted you anyway. I could have done these predictions myself. Anyway, how do you see the Mets finishing in 2011?

One rainout not made up? You're being very precise with that prediction.

On that note, I believe now's as good a time as any to wrap things up here. That concludes this year's Magic 8-Ball predictions for the 2011 Mets. Be sure to join us next year when I take a page out of Sandy Alderson's book and use a more cost-effective way to share our prognostications with you.

I hope you enjoy the upcoming Mets season. You don't need a Magic 8-Ball to tell you that.


DyHrdMET said...

nice work, Bear Man.

Ed Leyro (and Joey Beartran) said...

Thank you, o diehardest of Mets fans. I'm keeping my response to a whisper so as not to awaken the Magic 8-Ball. It seems to want to get paid and won't accept my "go ask the Wilpons" answer.