Saturday, March 13, 2010

Batting Third Is Like Being The Drummer For Spinal Tap

When the Mets signed Jason Bay in December, Carlos Beltran was pencilled in as the #3 hitter. Since then, Beltran underwent his top-secret knee surgery and will not be available to the Mets on Opening Day. The Mets were left without their starting centerfielder and with a hole to fill in the batting order.

A few weeks ago, Jerry Manuel proclaimed that Jose Reyes, fully recovered from his nine-month vacation in Hamstringville (which is somewhere near Kneesburg), would become the team's new #3 hitter in Carlos Beltran's stead.

Oops! Now with Reyes' hyperactive thyroid becoming the biggest mystery since Keyser Soze, the Mets are now sans third-place hitter for a second time before the first pitch of the regular season has been released.

Since when did batting third for the Mets become tantamount to being the drummer for Spinal Tap? As the story goes, the band Spinal Tap was notorious for having all of its drummers pass away in bizarre accidents. Fortunately, none of the Mets' third-place hitters have passed away, but the way things are going, would you be surprised if that eventually did happen?

Perhaps the Mets should insert The Indestructible Daniel Murphy in the three-hole. He seemed unfazed by the 2009 injuries (the year 2009, not that the Mets suffered 2009 injuries last year. They suffered more than that.) Is John Olerud still available? He wore a batting helmet at all times. Maybe he'd stay healthy as our third-place hitter.

In Spinal Tap, the amps were all set to 11 for maximum volume. The 2010 Mets will need to set their amps to 11 if they're going to stay competitive in the NL East while their plethora of #3 hitters recover from their injuries.

It's too bad that the Mets only shelled out for $10 amps from Wal-Mart instead of the more powerful ones. Hey, maybe Omar Minaya can become the Mets' new third-place hitter. It couldn't hurt...

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