Friday, July 31, 2009

Build-A-Bear Night is Coming!

It's coming! It's the night all ZCB fans have been waiting for! No, it's not opening night for the latest George Romero zombie flick. No, it's not the much-anticipated trailer for the upcoming Green Lantern movie.

Okay, so maybe it's only a night one-third of ZCB fans have been clamoring for. It's Saturday Night Fur-ver at Citi Field, as the Mets will be celebrating their annual Build-A-Bear Night!

In previous years, this promotion has only been for children 12 years of age and under. I have tried unsuccessfully to wrest one of the adorable bears from a 12-year-old boy who would normally be too old to want to keep a teddy bear. (Yes, I do notice the irony of that statement. I am three times the age of the boys I claim to be too old to like bears.) Unfortunately, prepubescent boys have matured faster than I did when I was that age. Either they ask for big bucks in return or they do not want to give up their furry friend because they went it as a gift to their girlfriend.

When I was 12, I had a $1-a-week allowance and I still thought girls had cooties. Ah, but I digress.

This is the first year that the bears will be given to the first 20,000 fans, regardless of age. It's about time the Mets marketing department woke up from their state of hibernation and realized that adults, including a certain man-child Mets blogger, love these cuties as well!

Now, if they'd only bring back Banner Day. Also, instead of Bring Your Dog To The Park Day, why not have a Bring Your Dead To The Park Day? Even better, combine Banner Day with the Day of The Dead! It could look something like this:











Are you listening, promotions people? ZCB fans want us all covered. You finally rectified your Build-A-Bear fiasco with your adult fans. You've also covered the superhero part with players like Johan Santana and our resident Superman, David Wright.

Now it's the zombies' turn to have their own promotion. Let's make them hear us until we get what we want. Raise your voices! Sing with me! All we are saying is give zombies a chance!

To my ZCB fans: I will be at Citi Field for Build-A-Bear Night. If you are also going to be there, please come by Promenade Reserved Section 501, Row 3, Seat 4 and say "howdy!!" There will be no zombies accompanying me to the game, but Joey and Jerry will be there!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Little Jeffy Wilpon Speaks For The Family Circus

Little Jeffy Wilpon held an apology-filled press conference at Citi Field before tonight's Mets-Rockies game. In it, he apologized to Daily News writer Adam Rubin for Omar Minaya's personal attack on said writer.

This is the second consecutive press conference held by the Mets to discuss the inappropriate actions of one of their high-ranking employees. On Monday, Minaya held a press conference to discuss the firing of the VP of Player Development Tony Bernazard due to various instances of inappropriate behavior with players at Double-A Binghamton and with players on the major league roster, most notably closer Francisco Rodriguez.

Ironically, while speaking on the inappropriate behavior of Tony Bernazard, Minaya behaved inappropriately himself. His comments about Adam Rubin lobbying for a player development position seemed to suggest that Rubin's reporting on Bernazard's antics was meant to open up a position for him within the Mets.

Omar was not present at the outdoor press conference, but his name was the most common word out of Little Jeffy's mouth. From stating that Omar was remorseful to Omar was going to call Rubin to Omar picked the wrong venue to express his views, Little Jeffy appeared to be Minaya's spokesman. However, he did make sure to say that Omar is and will be the team's GM.

Daddy Wilpon was also not available for comment. Our ZCB sources tell us that he was spotted at the ice cream shop buying frozen treats for his wife. Although this is not confirmed, she appears to be pregnant again. Apparently, Little Jeffy, Billy, Dolly and PJ were not enough for the Wilpon family, as if their family wasn't already a circus.

Perhaps this will be the topic of tomorrow's press conference. As for now, the Mets do not appear to be affected by the turmoil as they have won four straight games following tonight's 4-0 victory against the Wild Card-leading Rockies.

The non-uniformed Mets might be behaving badly, but the uniformed Mets are behaving quite well on the field. If Little Jeffy and the Family Circus planned these shenanigans to take the attention away from the players, they appear to have succeeded. Maybe for his next act, he can get Mets' PR man Jay Horwitz to start another firestorm by running on the field in his underwear during a game. That'll stir up some controversy and will lead to another press conference. Who knows? It might also extend the winning streak to five and beyond.


Monday, July 27, 2009

Fire Bernie! (A Sean Kingston Song Parody)

Okay, Tony. Put your shirt back on. We know you don't look like that, even if you think you're the biggest bad@$$ out there. Besides, you're going to need that shirt when you're standing on the unemployment line.

To honor you and your current employment status, I dedicate the latest ZCB song parody to you. In fact, this song boasts two writers, as it was co-written by Denise Winter. (Gracias, señorita!) It's a parody of Sean Kingston's chart-topping dance sensation and we renamed it in your honor. Here is "Fire Bernie!"


Somebody call Fred Wilpon!
Bernie's fired; fans are on the dance floor.
Whoooooaaaaa!

(Fire Bernie, fire Bernie)
What a con!
Wilpon!
Let's Go!
Hey!
Dead one!
Hey hey!

Tony did a stupid thing
Got into an argument at Double A
Challenged players as he walked through the door
His collar started tickling
Impersonating McConaughey
Made for quite a theater of the absurd.

Mets had to pop him, stop him, drop him
That man's a fake
It's a scandal; need to shoo that crazy lame-o away
Now take my blue and orange Mets jersey
Tony B. has gotten fired, gotten fired.

Somebody call Fred Wilpon!
Bernie's fired; fans are on the dance floor.
Whoooooaaaaa!
We gotta cool them down
'Fore they tear the Citi to the ground floor.
Whoooooaaaaa!

They fired Bernie, fired Bernie, not one chance more.
Now no more Tony, finally earned his way out the door.
They fired Bernie, fired Bernie, not one chance more.
Now no more Tony, finally earned his way out the door.
(Fire Bernie, fire Bernie)

Tony's body is no masterpiece
Put that shirt on, you hairy beast
Without you, we'll take that championship home.
I'm glad we didn't get to see your legs
Now the Mets games are gonna change
'Cause their coverage won't have you anymore.


Mets had to pop him, stop him, drop him
That man's a fake
It's a scandal; need to shoo that crazy lame-o away
Now take my blue and orange Mets jersey
Tony B. has gotten fired, gotten fired.

Somebody call Fred Wilpon!
Bernie's fired; fans are on the dance floor.
Whoooooaaaaa!
We gotta cool them down
'Fore they tear the Citi to the ground floor.
Whoooooaaaaa!

They fired Bernie, fired Bernie, not one chance more.
Now no more Tony, finally earned his way out the door.
They fired Bernie, fired Bernie, not one chance more.
Now no more Tony, finally earned his way out the door.


He's gotten fired, no more chances.
That'll make Minaya run around.
Hey!
Now exit through the ground floor.
Wave goodbye at the door.
Hey!
He's gotten fired, no more chances.
That'll make Minaya run around.
(Adam, get out of my way, everybody show him out, hey!)
Now exit through the ground floor.
Wave goodbye at the door.
(Where's Wilpon? Let's go! Adam! Let's go, hey!)

Mets had to pop him, stop him, drop him
That man's a fake
It's a scandal; need to shoo that crazy lame-o away
Now take my blue and orange Mets jersey
Tony B. has gotten fired, gotten fired.

Somebody call Fred Wilpon!
Bernie's fired; fans are on the dance floor.
Whoooooaaaaa!
We gotta cool them down
'Fore they tear the Citi to the ground floor.
Whoooooaaaaa!

They fired Bernie, fired Bernie, not one chance more.
Now no more Tony, finally earned his way out the door.
They fired Bernie, fired Bernie, not one chance more.
Now no more Tony, finally earned his way out the door.

Somebody call Fred Wilpon!

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Mets Power Surge Shocks Fans and Alarms Con Edison

Con Edison is reportedly worried about the Mets recent power surge in Houston. As the Mets return to New York to play the Colorado Rockies Monday night, the local electric company is worried that they might not be able to handle the increase in power if it continues at Citi Field.

Officials at Con Edison are basing their fears on the recent three-game series at Minute Maid Park in Houston. Before the series began, the Mets had hit only three triples and four home runs in the month of July. They matched that total in this series alone, as the Mets and their recharged offense had at least 12 hits in all three games, including six doubles, three triples and four home runs.

Thunderstorms are expected for the majority of the ten-game homestand at Citi Field, causing additional concern that the home of the Mets will be awash in thunder and lightning from various sources.

Citi Field will be certainly be electric when the Mets host the Colorado Rockies, who are leading the wild card race in the National League. If the Mets continue to hit the Rockies' staff the way they took care of the Astros' pitchers, it wouldn't shock me if they made a run at the wild card.

With a victory in the series opener against the Rockies, the Mets could win three in a row for the first time since they reeled off four straight victories in late May. That would surely please Triplicate Girl, but most importantly, it would please Mets fans. Weather permitting, the game will begin at 7:10 PM. Let's hope the hitters don't suffer a blackout. I only have one request for the Mets. Keep the electricity flowing!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Joey's Soapbox: Cole Hamels, Spanish Nicknames, Where's The Cake?

Welcome to the first installment of Joey's Soapbox, where I'll get up on my soapbox and share anything on my mind. I'm a Mets bear, so I'm sure it'll be all about the Mets. If there's a mention of cake, that's because I haven't been fed yet.

Allow me to introduce myself to those who don't know me. I'm Joey. I've been told that I resemble the anchorman of ZCB News, Joey Beartran. There might be some resemblance, but I'm definitely the cuter one. If there are spelling errors in this blog, please remember that I don't have fingers. I have paws. It's much harder to type with paws. It's even harder to hit the spellcheck button, so bear with me (no pun intended).

Time to get up on the soapbox. Give me a minute as I'm only fifteen inches tall and that's one big soapbox!

Cole Hamels

Why is Cole Hamels all over my TV set? He's in an ad for New Era caps where he's visited on the mound at Dodger Stadium by a man who looks like a Phillies coach. After the man gives Hamels a talk, Hamels responds with an odd stare followed by his one line of dialogue: "Who are you?" followed by a quick reveal that the coach is actually a Phillies fan dressed in Phillies gear and a New Era cap. How long do you think Hamels practiced his line? I'll bet he missed a start just to be sure he had the three words memorized perfectly.

Also, Colbert (since that's his full first name) appears in an ad for ESPN The Magazine with fellow athletes Jameer Nelson and Chad Ochocinco. Apparently, Colbert didn't rehearse for this spot as much as he did for the New Era ad. His delivery was monotonic and he sounded like he had the World Series trophy up his @$$. If you must give speaking lines to Hamels, please make the commerical in the style of a silent movie. Better yet, don't give him any lines. He'll just choke on them. And yes, I said it. I called Colbert an ad choker. I guess this blog is going up on the bulletin board of his green room.

Spanish Nicknames

I mentioned Chad Ochocinco before. His new last name is Spanish for the digits of his uniform number for the Cincinnati Bengals, 8 and 5. It got me thinking of other Spanish nicknames, especially ones used by current and former baseball players.

We have Big Papi (David Ortiz), El Duque (Orlando Hernandez), El Presidente (Dennis Martinez), and El Toro (Fernando Valenzuela). I've even heard fans of Carlos Beltran refer to him as El Guapo (the handsome one), but when I think of El Guapo, I think of the villain from the Three Amigos movie.

I think the Mets should acquire Carlos Lee and Manny Ramirez. I'm not saying that because they would give the team two genuine home run threats. I'm saying it because of their nicknames. Carlos Lee is known throughout baseball as El Caballo (the horse) and Manny Ramirez is known by me as El Cabello (the hair). If we team them up with Cowbell Man, the Mets could boast El Caballo, El Cabello and El Cowbell-o. Imagine the marketing department having fun with that one!

Where's The Cake?

It's no secret that I am a fan of cake. I will eat it anytime, anywhere. Therefore, it should come to no one's surprise that I was unhappy when Citi Field unveiled their food choices and cake was not one of the menu options.

Fans can get food from Mama's of Corona, El Verano Taqueria, Blue Smoke and Box Frites. They have an abundance of food to please everyone's palates. Do any of these places have cake? NO! Even Shake Shack has frozen custard. Couldn't they add a cake selection as well? Cake goes with custard, doesn't it? Is it too much to ask for to have a Cake Shack near the Shake Shack, even if it's a small annex?

The Wilpons spent too much of their money on their Brooklyn Dodgers tributes and not enough on players and food for their bear fans.


Final Thoughts

Cole Hamels: Stick to pitching on the mound, not pitching products on my TV set.

Spanish Nicknames: Las cucarachas entran, pero no pueden salir.

Where's The Cake?: No final thoughts here. I have my mouth full. Thank God for Entenmann's!



Friday, July 24, 2009

Why Do The Mets Hit Into So Many Double Plays? They're Zombies!

Now we know why the Mets have been so putrid lately in the batters box. They've been replaced by zombies like the one in the picture to the left. How else can you explain the increasing number of double plays they've been hitting into recently? Zombies move around slowly. They have no chance at beating the relay throw to first moving at that speed!

If they had loaded up the farm system with the running zombies from the Dawn of The Dead remake or the rage-infected runners from 28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later, they could have called up some of those undead minor leaguers to replace the likes of Carlos Beltran, Jose Reyes and Carlos Delgado.

I'd like to see how many double plays they would hit into then. Imagine if the Mets were playing the Phillies and a fast zombie was up to bat with a runner on first. If he hit a routine ground ball to Jimmy Rollins, he could go from killing a rally to killing a Phillie. Not only would the Mets still be alive (well, sort of alive) but the Phillies would be left one player short.

Also can you imagine an opposing runner getting caught in a rundown? He wouldn't dare try to advance if one of the "runner" zombies was charging at him. Before being tagged out by the zombie, he'd be called out for running outside the baseline trying to get back into the dugout safely. Being called safe on the bases would mean nothing to him. He'd rather be safe in the dugout.

But no! The Mets had to be stingy and signed the cheaper zombies, the ones that walk at a snail's pace. With the way the Mets have been playing, don't you think it would have behooved Omar Minaya to send some scouts to better cemeteries to dig up faster talent?

Thanks again, Omar! You can't even get the right undead players when they're available! No wonder this season died long before the players did!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Has Anyone Ever Seen Tony Bernazard and The Hulk In The Same Room?

Tony Bernazard had a respectable major league career. He was known as a good, mild-mannered player throughout his ten years in the major leagues. After his playing career ended in 1991, he took a baseball sabbatical, returning to the game to become the Mets' vice president for player development in December 2004.

Since his return to the Mets, the docile player has turned into a troublemaker as Omar Minaya's little helper. Although denied by Omar Minaya, Bernazard was viewed as the primary reason behind the firing of former manager Willie Randolph in 2008. The red flag should have gone up there. But there was so much more to come in 2009.

First, Bernazard unleashed his holier-than-thou attitude during a game at Citi Field when an Arizona Diamondbacks scout was found sitting in a seat behind home plate that he coveted.

Then came the incident in early July where Bernazard allegedly (since everything with Bernazard only happens allegedly. Like bosom buddy Omar Minaya is ever going to say "Yup, he did it.") challenged players from AA-Binghamton to a fight, removing his shirt in the process. No video of this "alleged" incident popped up on YouTube, but my good friend, Chucky, will attempt to re-enact the scene.





<-- Before After-->





This was followed up by reports that Bernazard confronted Mets' closer Francisco Rodriguez in Atlanta last week.

Apparently his anger is progressing. He went from a scout to minor leaguers to one of the few bright spots on the big club. How did a man who was always even-keeled become such a brute? The answer may be simple. Has anyone ever wondered where Tony Bernazard was between 1991 and 2004?












I say he was undergoing gamma radiation treatment at an undisclosed location. This radiation caused his Jekyll and Hyde-like transformation. He may look silent and withdrawn whenever he is not aggravated, but once he is angered, the radiation transforms him into the Incredible Hulk.

Stop rolling your eyes and think carefully for a second. Have you ever seen Tony Bernazard and the Hulk standing together? I didn't think so.

Tony's transformation into the Hulk has been embarrassing the team and Mets fans are calling for him to be fired. He may deserve to be removed from his position for his egregious actions, but if he is, be afraid. He may come smashing his way looking for you. Don't say I didn't warn you!



Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Injured Player of The Week Award: Week of 7/16-7/22

Welcome to the first award handed out by ZCB. Whereas other Mets sites might name a player of the week, this site will focus on the best injured player of the week. It will go to the injured player who did the most to not aggravate his injury further.

Please note that Fernando Nieve was not eligible to receive this award as he was not injured for the entire time period considered for this week (Thursday, July 16 to Wednesday, July 22). Also note that the creator of this award does not care about the usual Sunday to Saturday week. The last time I checked, Thursday to Wednesday was still a seven day period.

Our inaugural winner of the IPW award is Jose Reyes. Reyes has been doing some light running and was able to play in a simulated game on Tuesday. He did not run at full speed, but also did not report any discomfort. The Mets are being cautious with Reyes and will continue to do so upon his return to the big club.

Jerry Manuel will not allow Reyes to play every day when he returns to the Mets. Here is what Manuel had to say.

"When we get him, we'll probably have to play him a game and then rest him a game. Just because of the anxiety that's involved in the big league level and all the blood flowing."

Because of his progress and the precautions being taken by the team, the inaugural Injured Player of The Week Award is proudly given to Jose Reyes. Reyes seemed quite surprised to receive this award, as seen by this photo of him taken after he was notified of his achievement.



Let's hope this award doesn't turn into something along the lines of the Sports Illustrated cover jinx. If a Mets player re-aggravates his injury after receiving this award, then it will have to be changed to the Injured Phillies Player of The Week Award.

Once again, congratulations to Jose Reyes. Let's hope you don't have to accept this award again!

We Need To Start A Fire

Every team goes through rough times. When a team isn't playing well, a manager might feel the need to throw things around in the clubhouse or go off on his players with an expletive-laden tirade. Do I feel that flying objects or a few foul words can turn the fortunes of a team around? F**k no!

A simple ditty can do the trick. That's why I have taken a classic Billy Joel song and tweaked it a little in the hopes that the Mets will hear it and feel inspired. Let's see if it works. Without further delay, here is "We Need To Start A Fire".

(Verse 1)
Opener against the Reds
'Han and Mike start for the Mets
Victories for Mr. Smooth as well as Big Pelf.
Ollie flounders in game three
Mets fly from Cincinnati
Feeling pretty confident and blessed with good health.

Moving on to Florida
'Han went to the media
Telling them how Daniel Murphy dropped a fly ball.
That set off a firestorm
Soon it would become the norm
Players making errors and several pratfalls.

(Chorus)
We need to start a fire
Omar's still not learning
Our stomachs are churning
We need to start a fire
Soon we'll need to light it
Rather than just hide it

(Verse 2)
Citi Field replaces Shea
April 13, what a day
Tom Terrific takes the mound and tosses a strike.
David Wright ties up the game
But the fans are left ashamed
'Cause the Mets lost to the Padres on that first night.

Look, another Ollie walk
Front office starting to talk
Did we make an error signing him for three years?
Oh, he's injured; never mind
R & R will do him fine
Other starters will come through allaying our fears.

(Repeat chorus)

(Verse 3)
J.J. Putz and Johnny Maine
More pitchers injured again
Temporary setbacks; that is what Omar thinks.
Delgado injured his hip
Yet another DL trip
This is the beginning of a season-long jinx.

Jose Reyes then goes down
Omar's smile turns to a frown
Thinking it's impossible that this will get worse.
Alex Cora then steps in
Omar claims this team can win
After all, we're only a few games out of first.

(Repeat chorus)

(Verse 4)
Still the Mets tried to compete
Even though they felt some heat
Playing dull, scoring null; yet another obstacle.
Fans root on their favorite sons
They're still not hitting home runs
How many times can they pray for OMIR-acle?

A-Rod then pops up the ball
Louie tries to make the call
Make the play! Oy, vey! Nothing more that I can say!

(Repeat chorus)

(Verse 5)
Now we can't find ways to win
Another player hurt again
Carlos Beltran, now he's gone.
Who's next - Gary, Keith or Ron?

Guys not healing wounds on time
Fast approaching trade deadline
Halladay won't help this staff
Better write our epitaph

All misfortune on this ride
Mr. Met tried suicide
Place your bets; Wilpons' debts
No one's saying Let's Go Mets.

Injuries bit at the core
This team is a great big bore
Epic fail trying to score
I can't take it anymore!

(Final chorus)
We need to start a fire
Omar's still not learning
Our stomachs are churning
We need to start a fire
We did not set one
So the season's done...it's done...it's done...it's done...



Monday, July 20, 2009

From The ZCB Newsdesk: July 20, 2009

Welcome to tonight's edition of ZCB News. I'm Joey Beartran. Now listen to my news.

Much has been made of the Sports Illustrated article in which the Mets were picked to win this year's World Series. We sent a ZCB reporter out to SI headquarters for an interview with the author, but that reporter was turned aside. Apparently, the author of the article has developed carpal tunnel syndrome and has been placed on the disabled list.

Johan Santana has received a ten day suspension from Major League Baseball for doctoring the baseball. Apparently, the home plate umpire found a foreign substance underneath his cap. Upon further investigation, he realized it was chipotle sauce. Despite Johan's protests, the umpire did not believe that CC Sabathia put it there.

Omar Minaya is in hot water with his wife. Upon returning from Atlanta, he did not report home until this afternoon. When confronted by his wife, he claimed to have gone from the airport to a pawn shop, where he stayed for a few hours. Mrs. Minaya immediately knew his story must have been a fabrication. After all, how many people spend that much time in a pawn shop if they're not going to make a trade?

Now, we move on to J'onn J'onzz, Martian Manhunter and charter member of the Justice League of America, with today's sports report. J'onn...


Thank you, Joey. Last night, the New York Metropolitan Baseball Team was defeated in battle by the Brave Team from Atlanta. The Brave Team did a better job of hitting the white sphere than the Metropolitan Team did. As a result, they tallied more runs and were victorious. I'm not exactly sure what the rules of baseball are. I'm from Mars. We used to play games like T'ddly-W'nks and Pong. However, I must say that this Brave Team intrigues me. I assume their name derives from their bravery, which would make them perfect auxiliary members of the Justice League. I have also heard rumors that various members of the New York Metropolitan Baseball Team have been injured in previous battles. I would attempt to use my healing powers on them but my contract at WZCB prevents any outside use of my powers other than for sportscasting. Therefore, they're on their own. Back to you, Joey.

Thank you, J'onn. Now we move on to Flyboy with tonight's weather. Take it away, Flyboy...

Thank you, Joey. You look delicious this evening. Tonight's forecast: It will be dark. Dark as my heart is now that blood has stopped circulating through it. There will be a slight breeze keeping things relatively cool. Of course, that breeze will increase in speed as it passes through the holes in my body caused by those bullet holes when the neighbor tried to shoot me in the head. I'm glad his LASIK surgery is next week instead of this week or else my replacement would have had to start a week early. Back to you, you scumptious morsel of a bear.

Um, thank you for your pleasant weather report, Flyboy. Is there any reason why you didn't have a five-day forecast for our viewers? What was that? You don't care because you probably would have decomposed by then? Okay, valid point. We can always count on you to be the logical one of our broadcast team.

On that note, that brings an end to tonight's newscast. I'm Joey Beartran and I'd like to invite you to join us next time. Until then, we hope you enjoy your evening and wake up re-...

FLESSSSSHHHHHH!!!!!

Flyboy, we're still on the air. Keep it down!

Sorry, Joey...

Ahem. Until then, we hope you enjoy your evening and wake up refleshed, I mean REFRESHED! Stupid undead weatherman!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Even Batman Can't Find The Mets' Missing Offense

For many years, I have been patrolling the streets of Gotham City. Wrongdoers tremble at the sound of my name. Criminals cannot hide from me because I lurk behind every shadow. If you commit a crime in my city, I will find the smallest piece of evidence to incriminate you.

You may know me as the Caped Crusader, the Dark Knight or simply the Batman. I am universally known as the world's greatest detective. On occasion, I've been told I resemble Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, George Clooney and most recently, Christian Bale. I can understand the latter three, but seriously. Do you think I resemble the guy who played Mr. Mom?

What you don't know about me is that I love baseball. It doesn't take the world's greatest detective to figure out that I secretly had a passion for the game as a child. You really didn't think I was inspired by a flying bat? No, my first love was the National Pastime. I was a batboy for the New York Mets in the 1980s. Handling the lumber of great hitters like Darryl Strawberry, Gary Carter and Keith Hernandez instilled the love of bats into my psyche. It was there that I knew I was destined to become the Batman.

I'm now presented with the greatest mystery I've faced in my career. I've been hired by my former childhood employers to find the Mets' missing offense. Unfortunately, I'll be tackling this case alone as Robin was forced to go to summer school because he kept falling asleep during his finals due to his late-night patrols with me. The principal was suspicious when we tried to lay the "watching Conan O'Brien" excuse.

I've looked everywhere for the missing offense. I have failed to locate it. I did not find it in the batting cages. I did not find it in Howard Johnson's office. However, I did find a freshly made Shake Shack burger on his desk which I confiscated for further tasting, I mean testing.

This case may keep me up for quite a while. Perhaps if I travel incognito with the team to Washington, we may have a breakthrough there. I will keep you posted on my progress. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to take a look at that burger. To the Bite Cave...oh, you know what I mean!

Welcome to Zombies and Comics and Bears...Oh My!


Thank you for checking out my site.
Many of you might be familiar with my writing from MetsMerizedOnline. I've decided to branch out so you can read more of my work here. Obviously, the majority of my posts will probably involve the Mets in some way, but for those Mets fans who are also fans of horror movies (especially zombie movies), comic books (DC Comics in particular) and teddy bears, this is the place for you!

That's right. I'm talking to all two of you!

I don't expect everyone to find something to read here, but I'm sure at some point, I'll write something worth reading. There may even be a poem or twelve in here, as eclectic is my middle name (actually, it's Lucifer, but that's a story for a different day).

I may even have a guest blogger occasionally just to mix things up. Some may be human bloggers who write for some of my fav'rit sites; some might be furry critters. Either way, I can guarantee that what you read will be informative and fun! (...and there will be pictures. Lots and lots of pictures!)

Thanks again for visiting the site and I hope you enjoy Zombies and Comics and Bears...Oh My!

Oh, by the way, please show your support for the site by clicking on the "follow blog" thingie. I know it's somewhere on this page. All comments, whether positive or negative, are greatly appreciated, as they will foster discussion between myself and my readers. Thanks again!