Saturday, July 31, 2010

Judge Hurls Sentence At Phillies' Vomiter

The Phillies Phan who intentionally vomited on an off-duty police officer and his daughters was sentenced yesterday for his vile act, and the sentence couldn't have been more appropriate.

21-year-old Matthew Clemmens will serve 30 to 90 days in prison for his crime. He will also be on probation for two years and must complete 50 hours of community service, which also includes cleaning the bathrooms at Citizens Bank Park.

In addition, he must pay Michael Vangelos (the off-duty cop) and his family $315, which covers the cost of the five tickets used by Vangelos for the game in which the incident occurred on April 14. Vangelos has said he will donate the money to the Easton (Pa.) Police Athletic League.

The man dubbed Pukemon
by the media sobbed as he apologized for his retchiness, claiming that his parents did not raise him in that manner. (Perhaps they only raised him to boo Santa Claus and cheer when players like former Cowboys wide receiver Michael Irvin get injured at Eagles games.)

Judge Kevin Dougherty did not fall for Pukemon's wimpy apology. In his decision, he told Clemmens:
"Your apology, I believe, was feigned. I don't know if you were trying to hit a home run with your friends that day . . . but you struck out."

Pukemon leaves behind his parents, an 11-year old brother and this mug shot (see photo, right) for everyone to remember him by.

The Mets will be playing at Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia next weekend (the Studious Metsimus/My Summer Family World Tour will be on location in Philly for the Sunday, August 8 game), where we will surely need to relieve ourselves at some point during the game.

If you see Matthew Clemmens (now appearing at a urinal near you), please be sure to "spew" your thoughts on his actions, but keep your true thoughts down. After all, you wouldn't want to give Mets fans a black eye, would you?

1 comment:

LarryDC said...

Sorry to be off topic, but this was the only way I could find to message you. I (belatedly) see your post about the classic Hendu homer from 1980. You might be interested in the actual video, here: