This Weekend's Menu: Sausage And Cheese With A Side Order of Mets

I haven’t written here since Saturday and after today, I won’t be posting anything until Sunday at the earliest.  What’s the reason for this unusual hiatus?

It’s not because I’m upset over Frank Francisco’s unhappy birthday present to himself last night, as he turned a one-run nailbiter into a three-run cushion for the Nationals, which became magnified once Scott Hairston hit a home run in the bottom of the ninth off Sloth that would have tied the game.  (For those of you who don’t know, I refer to Nationals’ closer Tyler Clippard as “Sloth”, the hideously deformed character played by the late John Matuszak in “The Goonies”.  Read this piece from two years ago if you’re curious to find out why.)

It’s not because I feel like I’m going to jinx Jason Bay, who could break a 44-year-old team record if he continues to rack up the oh-fers at the plate.  In 1968, future World Series hero Al Weis posted the lowest batting average of any Met with at least 200 at-bats in a season, batting .172 in 274 at-bats for the Mets.  With 19 games to play, Bay is hitting .156 in 179 at-bats.

It’s not because I’m still swooning over my chance run-in with my second fav’rit Met of all-time, Edgardo Alfonzo, on Tuesday night at Citi Field.  (Mookie Wilson is my all-time fav'rit.  I hope that when I eventually do meet him, I don't screech like a Belieber.  No guarantees though.)  It was actually my second meeting with Fonzie, as we met earlier this spring in midtown Manhattan.  In that first meeting, he wasn’t happy that I didn’t have his last name on my personalized No. 13 jersey, but seemed to want to talk about “the movie with the bear” once he saw Studious Metsimus co-blogger Joey Beartran.

It’s not any of those things.  The reason why I won’t be writing for this site again until at least Sunday is because I’m taking the gang on a road trip.  The Studious Metsimus crew will be going to three games in three ballparks in three days.  There will be a Mets game thrown in there, but we’re also going to partake in some genuine pennant race baseball.

First, on Thursday night, we’ll be dialing in at U.S. Cellular Field in the South Side of Chicago watching the Detroit Tigers take on the Chicago White Sox.  Both teams are fighting it out for the A.L. Central division title and it looks as if that will be the only way for either team to make the playoffs, as the wild cards appear to be an East-West affair in the junior circuit, with the Yankees, Orioles, Rays, A’s and Angels all ahead of the Central division combatants.  As a bonus, Justin Verlander is due to start for the Tigers in this game against 16-game winner Chris Sale.

On Friday, we’ll be following the Mets as they take on Ryan Braun, Corey Hart and the new and improved former Met Carlos Gomez at Miller Park in Milwaukee.  The Brewers, who had been left for dead in the National League wild card race, have surged back onto the playoff radar.  With a 72-71 record after tonight's win, the Brew Crew is only three games behind the St. Louis Cardinals for the second wild card spot.  The Mets will try their best to play spoiler.

Finally, on Saturday afternoon, we’ll visit the friendly confines of Wrigley Field, where the Cubs will be entertaining the Pittsburgh Pirates.  The Pirates are playing for a postseason berth for the first time since Barry Bonds couldn’t throw out Sid Bream at the plate in the 1992 NLCS, even though Bream would have had difficulty winning a race in which the other participants were Jason Phillips and a three-legged tortoise.  They’re also trying to end their 19-season streak of finishing below .500, the longest such streak by any team in North American professional sports.

Had Barry Bonds* been using what he said he didn't use, perhaps he could have gotten a little more on this throw.

In addition to the games, we will also attempt to have some sausage and cheese on our trip.  Studious Metsimus roving reporter/culinary expert Joey Beartran will try to find a good sausage in Chicago, while his sister (and occasional Studious Metsimus contributor with her “Gettin’ Iggy With It” pieces) Iggy Beartran will look for a cheesehead hat in her size in Milwaukee.

From Thursday to Saturday, we will be indulging in sausage and cheese with a side of Mets.  We’ll be back on Sunday to recap the three games, complete with plenty of exclusive photos.  Three games in three days in three ballparks, all with playoff implications.  If the Mets won’t give us a September to remember by being involved in a pennant race, we’ll find our own pennant race to be a part of.  See you Sunday!

No Wonder Tyler Clippard Is A Met Killer

Tyler Clippard made his major league debut against the Mets on May 20, 2007 at Shea Stadium. The bastard child of Ron Howard and Sloth from "The Goonies" started the finale of the Subway Series, a series the Mets were attempting to sweep. The sweep did not happen, as Clippard pitched six tremendous innings, holding the Mets to just three hits and striking out six batters.

After making six appearances (all starts) for the Yankees in 2007, Clippard was traded to the Washington Nationals for the man whose name I love to yodel, Jonathan Albaladejo.

Sloth Howard made two uneventful starts for the Nationals in 2008 before Washington converted him into a reliever in 2009, a position in which he has flourished. Since his transition to the bullpen, he has pitched in 44 games and has a 2.43 ERA and a 1.09 WHIP in those games. He has also struck out 75 batters in 66.2 innings and held opponents to a .188 batting average (39 hits in 227 at-bats).

Yes, he has been good, but he has been exceptionally good against the Mets. In yesterday's game, he faced 10 batters and struck out seven of them. The seventh inning was Clippard's most impressive inning. He struck out the heart of the Mets order (David Wright, Jason Bay and Jeff Francoeur) on only 12 pitches. All three batters struck out swinging.

Is it steroids? No. Despite the fact that Clippard's balls are clearly enlarged (see photo, right), his body takes after Ron Howard's side of the family, not Sloth's side.

Is it the pitching coach? Please! The Nationals' pitching coach is Steve McCatty. He was a .500 pitcher when he played for the Oakland Athletics from 1977-1985 (63-63 career record).

McCatty was known for two things. He's known for his miracle 1981 season, when he went 14-7 with a 2.33 ERA and finished second in the Cy Young Award balloting. He's also known for the fact that he couldn't strike anyone out. McCatty struck out only 541 batters over a career that spanned 1188.1 innings. He rarely even got to two strikes on any batter. He had no problems getting to four balls, as he walked 520 batters. This is the man we're supposed to believe turned Tyler Clippard into the über-pitcher he has become? No.

The reason why Tyler Clippard has become the Met killer whose large balls strike fear into the bats of the orange and blue is simple. He studied at the academy with the quiet name, PSSST, which stands for Pitching School of Smiley, Smith and Tomlin. That's right, Mets fans. I'm talking about former Pirate pitchers and Met killers John Smiley, Zane Smith and Randy Tomlin.



The fearsome threesome was contacted by Tyler Clippard to help him strike fear into the hearts of the Mets. As any long-time Mets fan would know, John Smiley, Zane Smith and Randy Tomlin were three lefties all called upon by then-Pirates manager Jim Leyland to shut down the Mets offense. And shut them down, they did!

Here are the stats compiled by the founders of the PSSST Academy over their careers, followed by what they did against the New York Mets:

• John Smiley (career): 126-110 record (.550 winning pct.), 3.80 ERA, 1.23 WHIP
• John Smiley (vs. Mets): 14-10 record (.583 winning pct.), 3.11 ERA, 0.99 WHIP

• Zane Smith (career): 100-115 record (.465 winning pct.), 3.74 ERA, 1.34 WHIP
• Zane Smith (vs. Mets): 10-9 record (.526 winning pct.), 2.26 ERA, 1.10 WHIP

• Randy Tomlin (career): 30-31 record (.492 winning pct.), 3.43 ERA, 1.25 WHIP
• Randy Tomlin (vs. Mets): 9-0 record (1.000 winning pct.), 2.05 ERA, 0.95 WHIP

As you can see, the Mets appeared to be the one team that kept these guys in the major leagues. They were merely pedestrian against all other teams, but turned into Juan Marichal (who won his first 19 decisions against the Mets) whenever the Mets stepped into the batters box.

Apparently, the motto of PSSST (Beat the Mets, beat the Mets, step right up and defeat the Mets) was ingrained so well into Clippard's psyche that he decided to extend it to apply to other major league teams. He not only beats the Mets now, he handles every other team as well.

It is for this reason that PSSST kicked him out of their academy. They were upset that Clippard did not ONLY defeat the Mets. Their policy of pitching well enough to defeat the Mets but no one else apparently didn't sit well with Clippard and so he was politely removed from the academy and went back to the Nationals.

The Mets never did well against John Smiley, Zane Smith and Randy Tomlin. Now one of their former disciples is doing the same to the current team. Tyler Clippard is a Washington National, a division rival of the Mets. The Mets will face Washington 18 times this year. The Mets will have to make some noise against Clippard or the student of PSSST will continue to silence their bats.

Joey's Soapbox: No More Mr. Nice Bear

You may know me as the cute half of the Studious Metsimus staff. I'm the roving reporter and the culinary expert of the staff. I write about all the fun aspects of being a Mets fan, like meeting players and eating chicken nachos at Citi Field.

But I was at Saturday's game against the Washington Nationals and witnessed many things that made my fur crawl. That's why the poofball hat is coming off. It's no more Mr. Nice Bear!


Willy Taveras

If you look up the word "slap hitter" in the dictionary, you'll see a picture of Willy Taveras. He makes Luis Castillo look like Albert Pujols (a permanently limping Albert Pujols). Before Saturday's game, Taveras had accumulated 2,609 at-bats in the major leagues and had only driven in 124 runs. To say Taveras is a good run-producer is like saying Ted Nugent is a good spokesman for PETA.

So what did Willy Taveras do against Oliver Perez and the Mets on Saturday? He drove in all four Washington runs! Needless to say, it was the first time in Taveras' career that he collected four RBI in one game.

Willy Taveras batted eighth for the Nationals during the matinee. In 2008, Taveras led the National League with 68 SB (breaking Jose Reyes' three-year reign as NL stolen base king). Why would a team bat a speedster in the eighth spot? BECAUSE HE CAN'T HIT! Taveras is like the modern day Willie Mays Hayes. All flash and dash, but no hits and grits. On Saturday, Taveras showed some grit and came through in two different RBI situations. Because Oliver Perez wasn't more careful with the man batting directly in front of the pitcher, he was burned by the one-dimensional Taveras.

Strike one!


Tyler Clippard

In 2007, the Mets were playing the Yankees in an interleague series at Shea Stadium. The Mets were coming off their first season since 1988 that they were playing baseball after the Yankees had played their final game. After taking the first two games of the series, Mets fans were poised for a sweep of the hated Yankees.

When the Yankees announced that Darrell Rasner would not be making his scheduled start because of a broken finger, Mets fans salivated at the thought that some no-name by the name of Tyler Clippard would be starting. (Yes, I know it's a contradiction to say he's a no-name and then name him, but is this blog called "Studious Metsimus Reader Soapbox"? No, it's called "Joey's Soapbox", so I don't want to hear anyone correcting me!)

Of course, the Yankee Clippard pitched beautifully in his first major league start, giving up only three hits over six innings and the Yankees avoided being swept by the Mets.

On Saturday, Clippard (who was voted by his high school classmates to be the one most likely to play Sloth in "The Goonies" remake) faced the Mets again, this time as a member of the Washington Nationals.

Clippard faced them in relief of starter John Lannan, after Lannan pitched five shaky innings. Maybe he used some of One-Eyed Willy's treasure, (this is different than One-Dimensional Willy, who was mentioned earlier. Pay attention, people. That was just another "Goonies" reference.) but Clippard was outstanding against the Mets once again, pitching three scoreless innings and striking out seven batters.

Perhaps Tyler should change his last name from Clippard to Klippard, because he seemed to corner the "K" market at Citi Field. No Met batter struck out during the first four innings. Then Sloth came into the game and made the Mets whiff early and often. As if Citi Field wasn't windy enough, the Mets' bats had to generate more wind from all the swinging and missing!

Strike two!


Willie Harris

Even a casual Mets fan should know who Willie Harris is. He is the outfielder's version of umpire Angel Hernandez, meaning he lives to screw the Mets. First, he made this game-saving catch as a member of the Atlanta Braves on August 9, 2007.

The ninth-inning shot hit by Carlos Delgado would have been a dramatic game-tying home run. Instead, it became a long out and helped preserve a 7-6 Braves victory. In a season where the Mets lost the division title (and the wild-card) on the final day of the season, any additional victory could have sent the Mets into the playoffs. Willie Harris' catch might have been just as crucial to dashing the Mets' postseason hopes as any of the million games they lost after the "17 games to go" point of the season.

Then on May 15, 2008, Willie Harris made this catch against the Mets, this time as a member of the Washington Nationals, but also at Shea.

The catch on a ball hit by Ryan Church helped preserve a 1-0 win by the Nationals, spoiling a brilliant effort by Mike Pelfrey, and led to Billy Wagner's infamous "you should be talking to those guys over there...oh, they're not here...big shock" post-game comments.

By the way, the Mets lost the wild card to the Brewers on the final day of the 2008 season. One more victory during the season, yada, yada, yada...you know where I'm going with this.

Fast forward to Saturday's game against the Nationals. Josh Willingham had started in left field for Washington and had failed to make this catch on a ball hit by David Wright.

Since Willingham is not known for his defense, Willie Harris was inserted into the game as a late-inning defensive replacement. In the ninth inning, the Mets loaded the bases with two outs. Up came Rod Barajas, who had hit two home runs against the Nationals in the series opener on Friday night.

This time, Barajas smoked a line drive to left field that Gary Cohen immediately called as a base hit on SNY. The only problem was that it wasn't. Willie Harris was in left field, not Josh Willingham. There's no need to post a picture of what happened. I think you already know.

Why do I hate Willie Harris more than the average Mets fan? Perhaps the photo below will explain it for me.

That's right. I was at all three games where Willie Harris snatched potential victories away from the Mets. There are no words for how I feel about Willie Harris. In fact, I will say nothing else about him other than...

Strike three!


I want to be a nice bear. My fans expect that from me. But sometimes the Mets make it impossible for me to keep the cuteness façade up. Saturday was one of those days.

My Studious Metsimus colleague tells me that I should remember that the 1986 Mets also started out with a 2-3 record before they turned it around and ended up winning 108 regular season games and the World Series. He might be right, but those Mets never had to face Willy Taveras, Tyler Clippard and Willie Harris.

All I know is that if the Mets continue to lose games they should win, Mr. Nice Bear might never come back. Be afraid, be very afraid.