Thursday, August 12, 2010

Frankie Rodriguez vs. Steven Slater: Fight or Flight

By now you've probably heard the disturbing news. After a frustrating moment turned to anger, a regrettable act happened at the workplace, leading to an arrest.

Of course, I could be talking about Mets closer Frankie Rodriguez or I could be talking about Jet Blue flight attendant Steven Slater. Both men's testosterone levels spiked a little this week.

In the case of K-Rod, he brought out his Frankie Knuckles persona when he assaulted his common law wife's father last night at Citi Field shortly after the Mets' 6-2 defeat at the hands of the Colorado Rockies.

Earlier in the week, veteran flight attendant Slater channeled his inner Howard Beale and went off on a rude passenger on a flight from Pittsburgh to New York. Slater was mad as heck and wasn't going to take it anymore from the unruly passenger so he did what anyone would do when pushed over the edge (provided that "anyone" is a flight attendant on a plane that just landed). He cursed out the passenger and left the plane "Reynolds-style", by deploying the emergency chute and sliding off the plane onto the tarmac. Unfortunately, this time Smokey caught up with the Bandit and Slater was arrested at his Queens home.

Before both men lost their cool and got arrested in Queens, they didn't appear to have much in common. However, through some keen investigative work with my assistant, Detective Google, I have uncovered that both Slater and Frankie Knuckles had far more in common than their temper and the borough where their mug shots were taken. Read on...

Steven Slater: Works for Jet Blue.
Frankie Rodriguez: Works for lovers of Dodger Blue.

Steven Slater: Has lunches with his loving mother.
Frankie Rodriguez: Gives punches to his fiancee's father.

Steven Slater: Shares a last name with a slow "Saved By The Bell" character. (A.C. Slater)
Frankie Rodriguez: Shares a last name with a slow cartoon character. (Slowpoke Rodriguez)

Steven Slater: Takes to the sky after last person is in.
Frankie Rodriguez: Points to the sky after last person is out.

Steven Slater: Consumed by frustration, takes alcohol with him.
Frankie Rodriguez: Frustrates fans, leading to their alcohol consumption.

Steven Slater: Directs people from their seats to the nearest exits in the event of an emergency.
Frankie Rodriguez: Directs people from their seats to Citi Field's exits in the event of a blown save.

Steven Slater: Two words - Anger Management.
Frankie Rodriguez: Three words - Anger With Management.

For all their similarities, there is one thing that's very different between the two men. Steven Slater used his two balls while Frankie Rodriguez just throws them. Had Frankie used his, perhaps he would have just walked away from this situation that will now permanently scar his Mets career.

Frankie Knuckles already knows how to throw balls to walk a batter. Now he's going to learn the hard way that he has to use balls to walk away.

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