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| Wouldn't Troy Tulowitzki be a hit if he found a fit in orange and blue? (Photo by Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images) |
Have you checked the interwebs these days? Especially #MetsTwitter on (ahem) Twitter? It's impossible to find a Mets fan who doesn't have an opinion on current Rockies shortstop Troy Tulowitzki.
"Trade for Tulo," some fans say, noting that he would be an upgrade over the current Flores/Tejada two-headed monster.
"Get someone else," other fans say, knowing that Tulowitzki has an injury history and would cost the Mets an arm, a leg, a kidney, an appendix and a Syndergaard, at the very least.
"Keep Tejada. He hit five homers last year", says absolutely no one.
Needless to say, everyone has an opinion on the Mets' shortstop situation, and most of those opinions include one Troy Trever Tulowitzki. Even if he misses a month or four per season, he'd still probably put up better offensive numbers than Wilben Flojada. (Or was that Rumer Teres?)
And what about that Coors Field factor? Well, Tulowitzki has played 480 contests away from Denver's thin air - approximately three full seasons worth of games - and has posted a .274 batting average, .469 slugging percentage and .818 OPS in those affairs. Only nine players have ever posted an OPS higher than .818 while wearing a Mets uniform (Olerud, Piazza, Strawberry, Wright, Beltran, Delgado, Bonilla, Floyd, Ventura). Tulowitzki would be right up there with them. And that's only considering what he's done away from Coors Field.
So basically, as long as he's healthy, Troy Tulowitzki would have a chance to become one of the best hitters in Mets history. His offense is clearly needed on the 2015 squad. Tulo hits. And he most certainly fits. And New York is where he should set up shop in 2015.
So in honor of the "bat man" the Mets truly need, I'd like to share a song parody of a ditty originally performed by a former "bat boy". The song "2 Legit 2 Quit" was a top-five smash in 1991 for former A's bat boy Hammer, who had dropped the "M.C." from his stage name by then. Hammer didn't know it back then, but almost a quarter century later, his song would serve as the basis for a rallying cry - a cry penned by yours truly in the hopes that the Mets will go all out to acquire the premier offensive shortstop in the National League. And naturally, that rallying cry had to be called "Tulo Hits, He Fits".
Tulo hits! Tulo hits, he fits!
Tulo hits! Tulo hits, he fits!
Tulo hits! Tulo hits, he fits!
Tulo hits! Tulo hits, he fits!
Mets going on a shortstop quest
Now don't quit (no!), get the best
Ardor (yeah!), Sandy never showed before
In bettering the team, especially its core
He don't mind (mind!) if you think that he's fakin' it
A shortstop bind that he'll fix, no mistakin' it today
(No!) 'Cause Sandy don't play that
He's watching his guy, Troy, not having setbacks
Please (please!), we've got no one
He hustles, he's got muscle, he's all we need, son
Sandy's going for the guy he can get
Startin' at the top, 'cause Tulo hits, he fits! (Cha-ching!)
Tulo hits! Tulo hits, he fits! (Hey, hey!)
Tulo hits! Tulo hits, he fits! (Heyyyyy!)
Tulo hits! Tulo hits, he fits! (Tulo hits!)
Tulo hits!
When he feels right, most don't even play him close
He hits a jack, he rounds the sacks, and then the pitcher's toast
He's got that power, he flexes every hour
The pitchers all shake, they all get devoured
The fans are enthused, baseballs are abused
Competitors petition to change all the rules
Schoolin' the game, the man is insane
Not ashamed I gotta say this, Tulo's going for Fame
Unchained, no one's better, even flashes some leather
Tulo is the tops when he keeps it all together
So roll with this guy, his physique doesn't quit
Now's the time, cause Tulo hits, he fits! (Bang!)
Tulo hits! Tulo hits, he fits! (Hey, hey!)
Tulo hits! Tulo hits, he fits! (Hey, hey!)
Tulo hits! Tulo hits, he fits! (Tulo hits!)
Tulo hits! Tulo hits, he fits!
Tulo hits! Tulo hits, he fits! (Hey, hey!)
Tulo hits! Tulo hits, he fits! (Heyyyyy!)
Tulo hits! Tulo hits, he fits! (Tulo hits!)
Tulo hits! Tulo hits, he fits!
Get him this winter, he'll make the Mets a winner
Hits away from Coors, not just where air's thinner (word!)
He's not a noob, he's tried and true
Revitalize fan interest (yo!), just bring him through
We're through (Talk!), we've had it with the strife
Ready for postseason, so believe the hype
So get him (Get him!) or you're gonna regret it
'Cause the day you missed him is the day you lose the pennant
Troy reminds me of the best in history
Breakin' records, gettin' all the glory
We're so ready, we're ready for it
Hey, you! Come through! 'Cause Tulo, he fits! (Bang!)
Tulo hits! Tulo hits, he fits! (Hey, hey!)
Tulo hits! Tulo hits, he fits! (Hey, hey!)
Tulo hits! Tulo hits, he fits! (Tulo hits!)
Tulo hits! Tulo hits, he fits!
Tulo hits! Tulo hits, he fits!
Tulo hits! Tulo hits, he fits!
Tulo hits! Tulo hits, he fits!
Tulo hits! Tulo hits, he fits!
Get Troy! Get Troy! Get Troy! Get Troy! Get Troy!
Get Troy! Get Troy! Get Troy! Get Troy! Get Troy!
Get Troy! Get Troy! Get Troy! Get Troy! Get Troy!
Get Troy! Get Troy! Get Troy! Get Troy! Get Troy!
So people, don't admit defeat
We've waited long, to win the NL East
Daily (every day!), we ask for moves
Something to improve, make the team more cool
So we pray (Yo!), that Tulo can play
We used to feed the bottom, Troy can lead today
Oh yeah! I know he fits!
He'll get us to the top, cause Tulo hits, he fits! (Say it!)
Tulo hits! Tulo hits, he fits! (Hey, hey!)
Tulo hits! Tulo hits, he fits! (Hey, hey!)
Tulo hits! Tulo hits, he fits! (Tulo hits!)
Tulo hits! Tulo hits, he fits...
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