Joey's Soapbox: My 2017 Not-At-All Biased World Series Pick

Pardon me for being a little distracted.  The Astros are trying to bribe me with food.

What's going on, everyone?  It's me, Joey Beartran.  After nearly a month of watching several opening acts, the band we came to see is finally taking the stage, as the Houston Astros and Los Angeles Dodgers will face off in this year's World Series.

As a Mets fan, I'm pleased that the Astros took care of business and got to the good part, eliminating the Yankees in the ALCS.  Of course, with Houston reaching the World Series, that means Carlos Beltran will once again be trying to win his first ring.  (YAY!)  But since he and his teammates are facing the Dodgers, that means Chase Utley is still playing, and that's never something to root for.  (BOO!)

But as you know, my postseason predictions are never biased.  Not at all.  Therefore, when I picked the Astros to win the ALCS, it was because I thought they were a better team than the Yankees (and I was right).  I also chose the Cubs to go back to the World Series because I assumed the Dodgers didn't have what it took to dethrone them (and I was wrong).

And now, I have the difficult decision of trying to figure out if I want the World Series champion to be the team that employs Carlos Beltran, is in search of its first championship and is a lot of fun to watch.  Or will I go with the team that still gives Mets fans nightmares when they think of 1988, is currently paying Utley's salary and kept head cheerleader Curtis Granderson off its World Series roster?

I'm going to be totally professional with this pick.  Just like annoying and predictable Yankee fans and their team's rings, you can count on it!


World Series


Houston Astros vs. Los Angeles Dodgers

In September 2010, the Philadelphia Phillies were on their way to a fourth consecutive N.L. East crown.  The Mets, meanwhile, were just playing out the schedule and trying to avoid having their division rivals clinch that title against them.

(Slocum/AP)

In the series opener, Ruben Tejada was upended at second base by Chase Utley, who slid hard and late into the neophyte.  Carlos Beltran, Tejada's teammate at the time, took exception to Utley's act and decided to go eye-for-an-eye, leg-for-a-leg the following day.  After the game, the normally soft-spoken Beltran shared his feelings on what Utley did and his attempt at payback.

"The way Chase Utley slid into second base, I felt like it was time for me to do the same thing he did - slide hard and try to hit somebody," Beltran said.  "He did cross the line.  Not only in that play, he has done things in the past, like blocking bases.  It's okay to play hard.  It's okay to get outs.  Once you try to hurt somebody, that's not fun."

Fast forward five years to 2015.  Beltran is long gone, having played for the Giants, Cardinals and Yankees since his close encounter of the turd kind.  (And by turd, I mean Utley.)  Meanwhile, Utley is now a Dodger and Tejada is still playing the middle infield for the Mets.  The two got reacquainted in October when Los Angeles and New York hooked up in the NLDS.  And five years didn't change Utley's penchant for ordering take out at second base.

As all Mets fans know, Utley broke Tejada's leg with a slide that was harder and more deliberate than the original 2010 model.  Beltran could only watch on television, as his Yankees were eliminated by the Houston Astros in that year's American League wild card game.

Now, Beltran is a member of the Astros, Utley is reading the latest Dodger Blue edition of "How to Get Away With Murdering a Middle Infielder" and Tejada is playing Musical Teams, having played for the Cardinals, Giants, Yankees and Orioles organizations in the two years since his leg fracture.  I wonder which player Tejada is rooting for in this year's World Series...

Seven years after Beltran defended his former Mets teammate and two years after he couldn't do a thing to help his fallen friend, Beltran can finally get the ultimate payback by denying Utley the World Series ring that has eluded Beltran for his entire 20-year career.  And you better believe he's going to go all out to get that ring, even if he has to take out Utley to get it.

Oh, I was supposed to pick a World Series winner, wasn't I?  And it was supposed to be my unbiased opinion as a professional prognosticator, right?  Okay, I can do that.

Houston will find a way to solve Justin Turner and his Dodger colleagues.  The Astros' mostly right-handed hitting lineup will tee off on southpaw Clayton Kershaw, also known as the guy with the most postseason losses in Dodgers history.  Yasiel Puig will go home without flipping his bat once, unless you want to count throwing the bat away in disgust after each time Dallas Keuchel and Justin Verlander strike him out.  Jose Altuve will be the World Series MVP.  And Carlos Beltran will come off the bench to deliver a key double, one that will require a slide into second base.  The Dodgers better hope Logan Forsythe is starting at second base that night instead of their other second sacker.

Take my unbiased opinion and shove it, Chase Utley.

Prediction: Astros in 7.

Like a knee to the face, the Astros will make things uncomfortable for the Dodgers.  (Sean M. Haffey/Getty Images)

Joey's Small Bites: My Words of Encouragement For Noah Syndergaard

Hello, everyone!  This is Studious Metsimus roving reporter/culinary expert Joey Beartran.  I was in attendance on Saturday night for the 1986 World Champion Mets reunion at Citi Field.  And although the pre-game ceremony honoring the Mets' most recent championship team was done quite well, the one thing most people were taking away from their night at the park was the ridiculous ejection of starting pitcher Noah Syndergaard after he "honored" No. 26 on the Dodgers by throwing a fastball about 26 inches behind Chase Utley's rear end.  It should be noted that Utley put former Mets shortstop on *his* rear end last October, causing Tejada to be removed from the game and the rest of the postseason with a broken leg.

After Syndergaard was ejected, manager Terry Collins lost his cool and got in the face of home plate umpire Adam Hamari, who not only shares initials with Met-hating umpire Angel Hernandez, but was also just three years old when the 1986 Mets were pounding their way to a title.  In fact, Hamari had blown out three candles on his birthday cake just two days before when Ray Knight pummeled Dodger pitcher Tom Niedenfuer after Knight was plunked with a pitch in May 1986.  For the record, neither Knight nor Niedenfuer lost the right to continue playing in that game, probably because Hamari was too busy wetting his diaper at the time instead of officiating the game behind the plate.

Anyway, I caught up with Syndergaard after the game and offered him some encouragement after he was thrown out of the game for having the nerve to throw a pitch that wasn't in the strike zone to Utley, which was documented by my colleague, Studious Metsimus photographer Ed Leyro.

Thor still had that surprised look on his face when I caught up with him.

I told Thor that Hamari has always managed to find himself behind the plate for important events.  On June 25, 2014, he was working the plate during Tim Lincecum's second career no-hitter.  Three months later, Hamari served as the home plate ump during Derek Jeter's final game at Yankee Stadium and paid his RE2PECTs to the shortstop when Jeter delivered a storybook walk-off single to win the game for the home team.  Must have been nice for Michigan native Hamari to see Michigan native Jeter come through in that moment.  So I comforted Thor by letting him know that Hamari's presence should have been a sign that this game would become a big story in the majors.  And then everyone forgets and we all move on.

I also told Syndergaard that a victory for the Mets was not meant to be, as I spotted Marlins Man sitting behind the plate for the game.  It's well known that the Mets never play well when the orange-clad supporter of South Florida's baseball team shows up at their games.  (World Series Game Five comes to mind.)  At least Marlins Man seemed to think that Hamari's quick trigger finger was uncalled for when Hamari tossed the Norse god out of the game for not hitting Utley.

Do you see Marlins Man highlighted in the upper left-hand corner?  He reacted just like Thor did.  (FOX screen shot)

Between Hamari being the Forrest Gump of umpires by being at important moments in baseball history and Marlins Man's attendance signifying a loss for the Mets, it was never going to be Syndergaard's night to shine at Citi Field.  The night belonged to the 1986 Mets and Adam Hamari's poor judgment.

Fortunately, my post-game talk with Thor got him to see why everything happened the way it did last night.  In fact, this morning he was on Twitter in better spirits, clearly thanks to my talk with him after the game.

I'm fresh. Can be available from pen. Just saying. #LGM

— Noah Syndergaard (@Noahsyndergaard) May 29, 2016

If Bartolo Colon decides to throw a pitch that is deemed too close to Utley's body in tonight's series finale, Syndergaard will be ready to relieve Big Sexy in the event there is another unwarranted ejection (even if manager Terry Collins decides to go with a conventional reliever).  And this time, Adam Hamari wouldn't be behind the plate to prevent Syndergaard from finishing what he started on Saturday.  It would be the perfect ending to the script that began writing itself the moment Utley threw his body into Ruben Tejada's leg last October.  And it would be a great way to honor the 1986 Mets, by standing up for each other even when others are trying to bring the team down.

Chase Utley must be shown that he is not as invincible as the league and the umpires would like him to feel.  The Mets must find a way to crack his armor once and for all by sending him and his greasy scalp sprawling on the Citi Field dirt where he belongs.

And Then There Were Three... (Soon To Be Two, Then One)

Wright may be Shea Stadium's sole survivor in 2016.  Niese is now a Pirate and Murphy and Parnell will be ex-Mets soon.  (All photos by Ed Leyro/Studious Metsimus)

During the 2015 season, a total of 49 players played for the Mets.  Of those players, four of them - David Wright, Daniel Murphy, Jonathon Niese and Bobby Parnell - had been with the team since the days when the Mets called Shea Stadium home.

But with yesterday's trade of Niese to the Pittsburgh Pirates for second baseman Neil Walker, that number has dwindled to three.  And with Walker taking up residence in Murphy's primary defensive home, there might soon be two Mets left who played for the team at Shea.

The number could very well be one by Opening Day, as Parnell has pitched just 25 innings over the last two seasons and they haven't been very good innings, as he's allowed 21 runs (18 earned) and 50 base runners (32 hits, 18 walks) in those 25 frames.  For all you kids out there, that's a 6.48 ERA and 2.00 WHIP since the start of the 2014 campaign.  In other words, if Bobby Parnell was left off the postseason roster in 2015, he should be missing in non-action again in 2016 and beyond.

Once David Wright becomes the last Met standing from the halcyon days of Shea, the honor of being the second longest tenured Met will go from a soon-to-be former second baseman (Murphy) to a player who's familiar with seconds (Jenrry Mejia), as his second drug suspension for the same drug in 2015 will cost him much of his 2016 campaign as well.  Mejia will be the second longest tenured Met by a matter of minutes, as he made his Mets debut during the sixth inning of a game on April 7, 2010, just three innings before Ruben Tejada graced us with his presence for the first time.  And yes, that means that not a single player of the 26 men who made their Mets debut in the same year Citi Field made its debut (2009) remains on the team.

Besides Mejia and Tejada, the only other players who played for the Mets as far back as 2010 and were still members of the team last season were Lucas Duda and Dillon Gee (remember him?), although Gee has been granted free agency and will probably join forces with Bobby Parnell in the Land of Make Believe You Were Never A Met.

Just like 2009, there are no players who made their Mets debut in 2011 who are still with the team.  In fact, of the 22 players who suited up as a Met for the first time just four years ago, only one - Josh Satin - made it as far as the 2014 campaign, but he and his eyebrows are now property of the Cincinnati Reds.

That bring us to the 2012 season, a year that saw the Mets debuts of just three players who played for the team in the just-completed 2015 campaign.  And one of those players (Kirk Nieuwenhuis) had a cup of coffee with the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim in Orange County near Disneyland this past season.  That leaves Matt Harvey (Mets debut in July 2012) and Jeurys Familia (Mets debut in September 2012) as the only players from the Year of the No-Hitter who are still with the team and have only played with the Mets.

So let's review.

There were four players on the 2015 roster who were in uniform at the Shea Goodbye ceremony.  One of those players (Jon Niese) will now be partaking of pierogies and Primanti Brothers sandwiches as a pitcher for the Pittsburgh Pirates.  Another one (Daniel Murphy) will be counting his money and his defensive lapses as a member of a new team in 2016.  A third (Bobby Parnell) was less dependable than Alex Torres's hat and is more than likely also going to be an ex-Met in 2016 - something Bartolo Colon will not be, no matter how much he slips up on the mound or elsewhere.

YouTube video posted by psu19420

Jenrry Mejia, Ruben Tejada and Lucas Duda will now replace Murphy, Niese and Parnell as the second, third and fourth longest tenured Mets.  They will join David Wright as the only players who know what it's like to be managed by Jerry Manuel and who remember firsthand what the Great Wall of Flushing used to look like before half of it was blocked by the Party City Deck.

Since Kirk Nieuwenhuis sported Angels red for a spell in 2015, that will leave Matt Harvey and Jeurys Famila as the fifth and sixth longest tenured Mets, respectively.  So who rounds out the top ten as far as longest tenured Mets are concerned?  Try this on for size.

• No. 7 - Juan Lagares (Mets debut on April 23, 2013)
• No. 8 - Carlos Torres (Mets debut on June 16, 2013)
• No. 9 - Zack Wheeler (Mets debut on June 18, 2013)
• No. 10 - Wilmer Flores (Mets debut on August 6, 2013)

With Neil Walker and new Mets shortstop Asdrubal Cabrera on board, the days for Ruben Tejada as a Met could be numbered.  Jenrry Mejia is one suspension away from not only being an ex-Met, but also an ex-major league baseball player.  That means Lucas Duda might soon find himself as the only Met besides Wright who remembers Omar Minaya signing anyone.

The days of players who were continuously with the Mets for nearly a decade are long gone.  The way things are going, half-decade players could be a thing of the past for the Mets as well.  How long will it be before players on the team start calling Wilmer Flores the old man on the team, assuming Flores sticks around long enough?
 

My Offer To The Mets In Response To Ruben Tejada's Injury

While many Mets bloggers have discussed and will continue to discuss ad nauseum the play that added nausea (along with a few other things) to Mets fans everywhere - a play that ended with Ruben Tejada fracturing his right fibula - I am going down a different path.

I will not talk about the details of "The Crack Heard 'Round The World".  I will not even mention the player on the opposing team's name.  I am just going to make an offer to the Mets instead.

After a season in which the Mets gave us so many happy moments, I would like to give something back to them.  It's something that would please me and millions of other Mets fans if the team chooses to accept it.

In 2013, as part of Season Ticket Holders' Appreciation Day, I entered a trivia contest to win a Mets prize.  I was asked by Mets public address announcer Alex Anthony to identify the only player who played for the Mets in each season in the 1980s.  My correct response of Mookie Wilson won me an autographed Ruben Tejada baseball.

I have held onto that ball for two years now but I am now willing to part with it.  I will gladly donate it to the Mets on one condition.  They have to somehow find a way to get it into a division series game, especially when a certain dirty player comes to bat.

And they have to drill him with it.

Photo by Ed Leyro/Studious Metsimus

Not only do they have to drill him with it, but they have to do it so skillfully that the ink from Tejada's signature is permanently tattooed on the player's skin.

Am I asking for too much from the Mets in return for the donation of this baseball to them?  Maybe.  But someone has to do something in response to what happened to Ruben Tejada in the seventh inning of last night's affair.  Obviously, the most P.C. thing to do is make the dirty player watch the Mets celebrate on the field after New York wins two more games in the series.  But due to the nature of Tejada's injury and the repeated offenses on Tejada - and other middle infielders - by this player,  I demand that more should be done.

That is why I'm offering this baseball to the Mets.  The ball has become more special to me than I ever thought it would, but in light of the events of last night's game, I am more than willing to part with it for this appropriate cause.

Do the right thing, Mets.  Take my baseball, please.  And make sure the dirty player never forgets Ruben Tejada's name.

Joey's Soapbox: The Mora Things Change, The Flores Stays The Same

I feel like I'm stuck in a snow globe writing about our Mets this off-season.

Greetings, everyone!  This is Joey Beartran, taking over the Studious Metsimus blogging duties on this snowy first day of spring.  My colleague, Ed Leyro, has finally allowed me to write something on the current Mets since he seems to have forgotten they still exist, what with all the ten-million word "One Mo-MET In Time" posts he's been writing this off-season.  Maybe you have the patience to read them, but I'm a fast-talking bear in a fast-moving world.  I don't have time for that.  What I do have time for is telling you about a mistake I hope the Mets don't make regarding the current shortstop situation - a situation that goes by the name of Wilmer Flores.

But before I get to Flores, I have a question to ask you.  Do you remember the 2000 season?  That was the year Mets were coming off a memorable 1999 campaign in which they made the playoffs for the first time since the Reagan administration.  That was also the year Rey Ordoñez got hurt, fracturing his left forearm on a tag play at second base in late May.

Ordoñez was a three-time Gold Glove winner at shortstop, swallowing up ground ball after ground ball, sometimes in spectacular fashion.  But once he got hurt at Dodger Stadium, the Mets were left with a defensive hole at the shortstop position.  They tried to fill it with Melvin Mora, who was in his first full season with the Mets, but he was much more comfortable with a bat in his hands than a glove.

Mora started 37 games at the shortstop position, batting .265 with four homers, 18 RBI and 27 runs scored in just 147 at-bats.  Compare that to Rey Ordoñez, who had a total of four homers in his five-year career up to that point.  Mora also boasted a .442 slugging percentage and .750 OPS in his seven-week trial at short while Ordoñez had a lifetime .292 slugging percentage and .580 OPS prior to his season-ending injury.

The Mets scored 216 runs in Mora's 37 starts, averaging nearly six runs per game.  They scored 212 runs in the 44 games started by Ordoñez prior to his injury, an average of 4.8 runs per game.  Now let's compare the offensive numbers put up by the two players while playing shortstop during the 2000 campaign, especially since they both had almost the same number of plate appearances in their abbreviated seasons.

• M. Mora (164 PA): .265/.308/.442, 12 doubles, 1 triple, 4 HR, 18 RBI, 27 runs, 5 SB.
• R. Ordoñez (155 PA): .188/.278/.226, 5 doubles, 0 triples, 0 HR, 9 RBI, 10 runs, 0 SB.

There's no question that Mora was clearly the better offensive contributor of the two in a similar sample size.  But from a defensive standpoint, Mora was no Ordoñez.  In fact, he wasn't even average.  In the 37 games he started at short as Ordoñez's replacement, Mora committed seven errors in 144 chances for a .951 fielding percentage.  He also participated in just 14 double plays and had 93 assists.  According to baseball-reference.com, Mora's defensive WAR was -0.1 in 2000.  For all you kids out there, that means from a defensive standpoint, he wasn't better than nothing.  Nothing was better than him.

Meanwhile, Ordoñez had a lifetime 8.8 dWAR leading up to his injury.  That's the highest dWAR through five seasons of any Met in the history of the club.  To this day, only Bud Harrelson (13.6 dWAR in 13 seasons) and Jerry Grote (11.2 dWAR in 12 seasons) have posted a higher lifetime dWAR than Ordoñez.

With Mora, the Mets sacrificed defense for offense.  They did the opposite when Ordoñez was in the starting lineup.  But back in 2000, general manager Steve Phillips panicked when Mora couldn't cut it defensively, even with the team scoring a run per game more than they did when Ordoñez was in the lineup.  So just days before the trade deadline, Phillips, in his infinite wisdom, dealt Mora to the Baltimore Orioles for shortstop Mike Bordick.

O, Melvin Mora.  If only you could have fielded like Rey O.  (James Lang/US Presswire)

Bordick basically did what Mora did as a Met, both offensively and defensively, although Bordick played more games at the position for the Mets than Mora.  In 56 games with the Mets, Bordick batted .260 with eight doubles, four homers, 21 RBI and a not-so-impressive 0.1 dWAR.

So what happened in the years after the Bordick-for-Mora trade?  Well, Bordick went back to Baltimore as a free agent at the conclusion of the 2000 campaign, where he became Mora's teammate.  In nine full seasons with the Orioles, Mora reached 20 doubles eight times, 20 homers three times, double digits in stolen bases four times, batted over .300 twice, led the league in on-base percentage once (.419 in 2004), made the All-Star team twice (2003, 2005) and won a Silver Slugger award (2004).  Meanwhile, Ordoñez played two more seasons with the Mets and played his final game in the big leagues as a member of the Chicago Cubs in 2004 - right around the same time Mora was becoming a legitimate star.

That brings us back to the current day shortstop situation with our good pal, Wilmer Flores.  (You thought I had forgotten about him, didn't you?)  In case you've been hibernating in a cave somewhere, let me remind you that Flores is generally not considered a good fielder.  But no one is complaining about how much better he is at the plate than Ruben Tejada.  In 2014, Flores split his season between AAA-Las Vegas and the Mets, spending approximately half of his time at the big league level.  Flores's numbers were strikingly similar to the overall numbers put up by Melvin Mora in 2000 prior to his trade to Baltimore.

• W. Flores (2014): 78 games, .251 average, 13 doubles, 1 triple, 6 HR, 29 RBI, 28 runs.
• M. Mora (2000): 79 games, .260 average, 13 doubles, 2 triples, 6 HR, 30 RBI, 35 runs.

Taking it a step further, Flores's offensive and defensive WAR in 2014 were also right on par with what Mora produced 14 seasons before him, as Flores had a 0.7 oWAR and -0.2 dWAR, while Mora put up a 0.6 oWAR and -0.1 dWAR with the Mets in 2000.

Let me give it to you straight.  Tejada is a good fielder, one who's clearly better with the leather than Flores.  But the difference between Tejada and Flores defensively doesn't even compare to the difference between Ordoñez and Mora.  Ordoñez was one of the best defensive shortstops of his era.  The nicest things we can say about Tejada is that he has nice eyebrows and he won't hurt the Mets in the field.

We've already seen how big of a mistake it was to let Melvin Mora go without giving him a chance to prove himself for more than 37 games.  We can't make the same mistake with Wilmer Flores, especially since Flores is also five years younger now than Mora was in 2000 and can still mature in every facet of the game.

Wilmer Flores may never become a Silver Slugger-winning All-Star like Melvin Mora was, but he certainly has the potential to establish himself as a very good baseball player.  We already know he can hit.  Let him prove to us that he can learn from his mistakes on the field.

At the very least, it would prove that the Mets are trying to learn from their mistakes off the field.  The team certainly doesn't need another Mike Bordick situation in Flushing.

Let him play!  Let him play!  (Brad Barr/USA TODAY Sports)

Song Parody: Tulo Hits, He Fits

Wouldn't Troy Tulowitzki be a hit if he found a fit in orange and blue?  (Photo by Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images)

Have you checked the interwebs these days?  Especially #MetsTwitter on (ahem) Twitter?  It's impossible to find a Mets fan who doesn't have an opinion on current Rockies shortstop Troy Tulowitzki.

"Trade for Tulo," some fans say, noting that he would be an upgrade over the current Flores/Tejada two-headed monster.

"Get someone else," other fans say, knowing that Tulowitzki has an injury history and would cost the Mets an arm, a leg, a kidney, an appendix and a Syndergaard, at the very least.

"Keep Tejada.  He hit five homers last year", says absolutely no one.

Needless to say, everyone has an opinion on the Mets' shortstop situation, and most of those opinions include one Troy Trever Tulowitzki.  Even if he misses a month or four per season, he'd still probably put up better offensive numbers than Wilben Flojada.  (Or was that Rumer Teres?)

And what about that Coors Field factor?  Well, Tulowitzki has played 480 contests away from Denver's thin air - approximately three full seasons worth of games - and has posted a .274 batting average, .469 slugging percentage and .818 OPS in those affairs.  Only nine players have ever posted an OPS higher than .818 while wearing a Mets uniform (Olerud, Piazza, Strawberry, Wright, Beltran, Delgado, Bonilla, Floyd, Ventura).  Tulowitzki would be right up there with them.  And that's only considering what he's done away from Coors Field.

So basically, as long as he's healthy, Troy Tulowitzki would have a chance to become one of the best hitters in Mets history.  His offense is clearly needed on the 2015 squad.  Tulo hits.  And he most certainly fits.  And New York is where he should set up shop in 2015.

So in honor of the "bat man" the Mets truly need, I'd like to share a song parody of a ditty originally performed by a former "bat boy".  The song "2 Legit 2 Quit" was a top-five smash in 1991 for former A's bat boy Hammer, who had dropped the "M.C." from his stage name by then.  Hammer didn't know it back then, but almost a quarter century later, his song would serve as the basis for a rallying cry - a cry penned by yours truly in the hopes that the Mets will go all out to acquire the premier offensive shortstop in the National League.  And naturally, that rallying cry had to be called "Tulo Hits, He Fits".



Tulo hits!  Tulo hits, he fits!
Tulo hits!  Tulo hits, he fits!
Tulo hits!  Tulo hits, he fits!
Tulo hits!  Tulo hits, he fits!

Mets going on a shortstop quest
Now don't quit (no!), get the best
Ardor (yeah!), Sandy never showed before
In bettering the team, especially its core
He don't mind (mind!) if you think that he's fakin' it
A shortstop bind that he'll fix, no mistakin' it today
(No!) 'Cause Sandy don't play that
He's watching his guy, Troy, not having setbacks
Please (please!), we've got no one
He hustles, he's got muscle, he's all we need, son
Sandy's going for the guy he can get
Startin' at the top, 'cause Tulo hits, he fits!  (Cha-ching!)

Tulo hits!  Tulo hits, he fits!  (Hey, hey!)
Tulo hits!  Tulo hits, he fits!  (Heyyyyy!)
Tulo hits!  Tulo hits, he fits!  (Tulo hits!)
Tulo hits!

When he feels right, most don't even play him close
He hits a jack, he rounds the sacks, and then the pitcher's toast
He's got that power, he flexes every hour
The pitchers all shake, they all get devoured
The fans are enthused, baseballs are abused
Competitors petition to change all the rules
Schoolin' the game, the man is insane
Not ashamed I gotta say this, Tulo's going for Fame
Unchained, no one's better, even flashes some leather
Tulo is the tops when he keeps it all together
So roll with this guy, his physique doesn't quit
Now's the time, cause Tulo hits, he fits!  (Bang!)

Tulo hits!  Tulo hits, he fits!  (Hey, hey!)
Tulo hits!  Tulo hits, he fits!  (Hey, hey!)
Tulo hits!  Tulo hits, he fits!  (Tulo hits!)
Tulo hits!  Tulo hits, he fits!

Tulo hits!  Tulo hits, he fits!  (Hey, hey!)
Tulo hits!  Tulo hits, he fits!  (Heyyyyy!)
Tulo hits!  Tulo hits, he fits!  (Tulo hits!)
Tulo hits!  Tulo hits, he fits!

Get him this winter, he'll make the Mets a winner
Hits away from Coors, not just where air's thinner (word!)
He's not a noob, he's tried and true
Revitalize fan interest (yo!), just bring him through
We're through (Talk!), we've had it with the strife
Ready for postseason, so believe the hype
So get him (Get him!) or you're gonna regret it
'Cause the day you missed him is the day you lose the pennant
Troy reminds me of the best in history
Breakin' records, gettin' all the glory
We're so ready, we're ready for it
Hey, you!  Come through!  'Cause Tulo, he fits!  (Bang!)

Tulo hits!  Tulo hits, he fits!  (Hey, hey!)
Tulo hits!  Tulo hits, he fits!  (Hey, hey!)
Tulo hits!  Tulo hits, he fits!  (Tulo hits!)
Tulo hits!  Tulo hits, he fits!

Tulo hits!  Tulo hits, he fits!
Tulo hits!  Tulo hits, he fits!
Tulo hits!  Tulo hits, he fits!
Tulo hits!  Tulo hits, he fits!

Get Troy!  Get Troy!  Get Troy!  Get Troy!  Get Troy!
Get Troy!  Get Troy!  Get Troy!  Get Troy!  Get Troy!
Get Troy!  Get Troy!  Get Troy!  Get Troy!  Get Troy!
Get Troy!  Get Troy!  Get Troy!  Get Troy!  Get Troy!

So people, don't admit defeat
We've waited long, to win the NL East
Daily (every day!), we ask for moves
Something to improve, make the team more cool
So we pray (Yo!), that Tulo can play
We used to feed the bottom, Troy can lead today
Oh yeah!  I know he fits!
He'll get us to the top, cause Tulo hits, he fits!  (Say it!)

Tulo hits!  Tulo hits, he fits!  (Hey, hey!)
Tulo hits!  Tulo hits, he fits!  (Hey, hey!)
Tulo hits!  Tulo hits, he fits!  (Tulo hits!)
Tulo hits!  Tulo hits, he fits...

Joey's Letter To Sandy Claus (2014)

I hope Sandy Claus leaves everything I ask for under my ridiculously huge tree.

Dear Sandy Claus,

It's me, Joey Beartran!  And if I'm writing you this letter, that means it's that time of year again - the time when you have to decide who was naughty and who was nice in order to determine who gets what they want this holiday season and who gets coal in their stocking.

I know you must be tired from all your recent travels.  I mean, I would be pooped as well if I was spending all my time and energy trying to find good bargains on coveted holiday gifts like Michael Cuddyer and John Mayberry, Jr.  I'm sure you had to fight off many people to secure them.

But unlike others who absolutely have to have the best in right-handed hitting outfield/first baseman hybrids, I'm a simple bear.  And that is why this year's list shouldn't be much of a challenge for you.  Because my list is so simple, you should have no problem finding everything on it and we can overlook whether or not I should be on the "naughty" or "nice" list.  (Personally, I don't think causing one of the toilets to overflow in the Caesar's Club last summer should put me on your "naughty" list.  It could have happened to anyone who was trying to flush their autographed Chris Young baseball.)

Are you ready, Mr. Claus?  Here goes!

The home run apple outside Citi Field seems like a good place to write my letter to Sandy Claus.

I would like Matt Harvey to return to the rotation in the best of health.  You already wouldn't let him pitch in 2014 despite his constant nitpicking, so he should be good to go next season.  (And don't worry, I'm not going to accuse you of wanting to extend his free agent clock another year by not pitching him at all in 2014.  Remember, I'm nice, not naughty.)  Also, please don't let Harvey pitch too many innings in 2015.  I'm expecting the Mets to compete for a postseason berth so I'd like him to be as fresh as possible for any potential starts in mid-to-late October.

Speaking of returning to health, I would like a return to form for David Wright.  After all, he gets paid more than your reindeer and elves combined, so he might as well earn his salary.  Eight home runs and eight stolen bases is just not enough for a player who produced a 30/30 season in 2007.  I mean, if you want that type of production, just bring back Jason Bay.  That's what he averaged in three seasons with the Mets, although Bay averaged just 96 games per season as a Met, while Wright put up his 8/8 season in 134 games.

I'd also like a new and improved shortstop.  Yes, I know we already have Wilmer Flores and that Hakuna Tejada guy, but Flores' best position is hitter and Tejada is probably going to press next year now that he knows he produced more walks, doubles, and RBI than Nationals' wunderkind Bryce Harper, all while striking out fewer times than Harper and reaching base at a similar clip in just three more at-bats.  Don't believe me, Sandy Claus?  Take a look for yourself.

Player	RBI	Year	AB	2B	BB	SO	OBP
Ruben Tejada	34	2014	355	11	50	73	.342
Bryce Harper	32	2014	352	10	38	104	.344

Provided by Baseball-Reference.com: View Play Index Tool Used
Generated 12/13/2014.

Would it be too much to ask for another good year from the bullpen?  After three seasons of throwing relief pitchers at a wall and hoping some of them would stick, you finally found some with good adhesive qualities.  They also had good fastballs and off-speed pitches.  Jeurys Familia was so spectacular that he finished tied for seventh in the Rookie of the Year vote, a feat almost unheard of for a middle reliever/set-up man.  Vic Black earned two wins and 12 holds, allowing more than one run in just one of his 41 appearances.  And Jenrry Mejia's 28 saves set the franchise record for most saves by a homegrown pitcher, surpassing Tug McGraw's 42-year-old record by one.  Please make sure they continue to provide a spark for the team in the late innings.

Speaking of Jenrry Mejia, could you please let him know that it's okay to toss a 1-2-3 inning every once in a while?  Mejia made 56 relief appearances in 2014 and retired every batter he faced in just 21 of those outings.  In sixteen of his 24 one-inning saves, he faced a minimum of four batters.  The numbers "1-2-3-4" might have been staples at Ramones concerts, but they shouldn't have to be staples of Mejia performances.

I'd like Daniel Murphy to stick around for at least another season.  In 2014, he became the first second baseman in Mets history to reach base 200+ times in three different seasons, so why shouldn't the Mets keep him around?  And if they did trade him before Opening Day, who would they give the job to?  Eric Young, Jr. was just non-tendered and Dilson Herrera, who won't be old enough to drink until March, still needs more minor league seasoning.  If the Mets do make the playoffs in 2015, Murphy should be there to enjoy it as the second longest tenured player on the team.  His teammates left him stranded on third in a crucial moment during the final week of the 2008 season.  His front office shouldn't do the same by trading him away just as the team appears to be heading toward contention again.

Are you there, Sandy?  It's me, Joey!

If it's not too much to ask, can you please make sure Lucas Duda has another solid season like he had last year?  Can you also have Curtis Granderson replicate Duda's power numbers?  And while I'm at it, can you get your decoder ring out so you can translate Travis d'Arnaud's second half performance into a full season of fantastic hitting?  Perhaps if all three hitters could give solid production, David Wright would have the protection he needs in the batting order and I wouldn't have to compare him to Jason Bay in future letters to you.

Finally, I understand the Mets have to trade a starting pitcher, especially with Matt Harvey coming back to claim one of the spots in the rotation, but does it have to be Dillon Gee?  I know how much you love dumping salary, which is why Carlos Beltran, Jason Bay, Oliver Perez and Luis Castillo were all given their walking papers before their contracts expired.  So maybe this is a good time to escort Bartolo Colon to the airport.  He served his purpose in 2014 at a $9 million cost to the team.  Now he's due to earn $11 million in 2015 and he'll be 42 before Memorial Day.  He should be the one to go to make room for Harvey.  And I'm not just saying that because he hogs up the Shake Shack line at Citi Field.  I just happen to like Gee.  What's so wrong with that?

I was only being held by Gee because it was easier to check up on his pitching arm that way.  Honest!

That's it for my letter this year, Sandy.  See, it was a very simple list.  All you have to do is remember to keep Matt Harvey healthy, prevent David Wright from watching his "Jason Bay Guide to Hitting" video, give me a shortstop not named Flores or Tejada who can hit AND field (not hit OR field), provide me with another dependable relief corps, show Jenrry Mejia how to count to three, make sure the Grandy Man can actually protect Wright (Duda and d'Arnaud can help in that regard), and last but not least, keep Dillon Gee from putting his arms around another team's uniform.

You've been able to provide me with many of the things I've asked for in the past few years, but not everything.  (I wanted a healthy Johan Santana in 2013.  Instead, you gave me a healthy Shaun Marcum.  Not the same.  Not even close.)  That's why I made this year's list a little easier for you.  As nice as I was this past season - pay no attention to the Chris Young Bathroom Incident - I don't expect you to make all my holiday dreams come true.  But as a long-suffering Mets fan, you owe me!  You owe all fans who have invested so much of their time and money on this team.  And while I'm on the topic of being owed, you also owe me change for a hot dog I had last September.  I paid with a $10 bill and only got a buck in return.

Thanks a lot for reading my letter, Sandy Claus!  I hope you can fit everything I asked for under my ridiculously huge tree.  I also hope you found a good plumber for the Caesar's Club.  I intend to use the bathrooms there at some point in 2015.  Maybe this time I won't have to bring a baseball with me.

All my love,
Joey Beartran

Hope this makes it to you on time, Sandy.  If not, I'll have to write another letter to my local post office.

Gettin' Iggy With It: Up At The Crack of Ass To Talk About Trading One

"Hey, Cole Hamels!  What's that on your lip?"

Good afternoon, everyone!  This is Iggy Beartran, sister to Studious Metsimus roving reporter Joey Beartran and expert on all things Cole Hamels.  Normally, I like to sleep in on Saturdays, but upon hearing yesterday's news about the Phillies looking to trade their resident ass, I had to wake up early to discuss this news with our readers (assuming any of you are awake at this time).

On Friday, several reports had Hamels updating his no-trade clause, which currently includes 20 teams he cannot be dealt to without his consent (the Mets are on this list because he knows Citi Field is a "no ass zone").  Interim team president Pat Gillick acknowledged that he doesn't expect the Phillies to be competitive for at least three seasons.  Therefore, keeping a $24 million a year pitcher until the final years of his contract when he's in his mid-30s and not as tradeable - well, that would be (ahem) phoolish.  Almost as foolish as the team giving him a six-year, $144 million deal to begin with.  Not to mention Ryan Howard's albatross of a contract, which still has two years and $50 million left on it, plus a $10 million buyout for the 2017 season.

Let's look at what the Phillies' version of the "core four" has done over the past few years and see how tradeable those players are.

Jimmy Rollins

Jimmy Rollins is entering the final year of his four-year, $44 million contract.  His career numbers are excellent (479 doubles, 111 triples, 216 homers, 453 stolen bases, 1,325 runs scored), but his best seasons are behind him.  Way, way behind him.  Rollins has batted over .252 just once in the last six seasons and has a .318 on-base percentage and .397 slugging percentage over that same time period.  That means Ruben Tejada has a better chance of reaching base (Tejada has a .328 OBP in five seasons as a Met) and Daniel Murphy can outslug the former NL MVP (Murphy has a lifetime .419 slugging percentage in six seasons despite never hitting more than 13 homers over a full season).

Oh, and did I mention that Rollins has made the third-most outs in the National League since 2009?  I didn't?  Well, I am now.  In fact, let's compare him to some of those other "out-makers".

Player	Outs Made	From	To	Age	G	PA	AB	R	H	2B	HR	RBI	BA	OBP	SLG	OPS
Hunter Pence	2812	2009	2014	26-31	953	4056	3701	537	1042	183	143	537	.282	.338	.464	.803
Brandon Phillips	2703	2009	2014	28-33	877	3794	3468	482	960	180	100	470	.277	.326	.424	.750
Jimmy Rollins	2625	2009	2014	30-35	839	3724	3359	480	845	172	91	343	.252	.318	.397	.714
Justin Upton	2510	2009	2014	21-26	883	3745	3291	540	919	181	147	482	.279	.357	.482	.839

Provided by Baseball-Reference.com: View Play Index Tool Used
Generated 10/25/2014.

From 2009 to 2014, the top four out-makers in the National League include Hunter Pence, Brandon Phillips, Justin Upton and Rollins.  Rollins has put himself on this list despite playing the fewest games of the foursome and having the fewest plate appearances, at-bats, runs scored, hits, doubles, homers and runs batted in.  He also has the lowest batting average (by far), on-base percentage, slugging percentage and OPS.  And most importantly, Rollins is the oldest player in the out-making firm of Pence, Phillips, Upton and Rollins.

If any team wants a soon-to-be 36-year-old shortstop who can learn a thing or two about reaching base from Ruben Tejada and slugging from Daniel Murphy, and who's only consistent about one thing at his advanced age - making outs - then Rollins is the man that team should target.  The bottom line is that Rollins is practically untradeable, especially if his decline continues in 2015.

Ryan Howard

Ryan Howard was once known for being one of the most feared hitters in the league, averaging 44 HR and 133 RBI from 2006 to 2011.  But beginning in 2012 (the first season of his five-year, $125 million contract), Howard has been known for a few "s"-words - strikeouts, Subway sandwiches and suckitude.

Over the past three seasons, Howard has averaged 101 games played per year due to an assortment of injuries, but that hasn't stopped him from striking out at an alarming rate.  Howard has whiffed 128 times per season since 2012 despite missing 182 games.  He has also averaged 16 homers and 65 RBI per year since 2012, and hit just 23 homers in 2014 despite being healthy all season (153 games played).  Howard had a career-low .380 slugging percentage in 2014 and led the majors in strikeouts with 190.  That's what $25 million a year buys the Phillies these days.

But hey, at least that kind of green can buy Howard all the Subway sandwiches he can eat (or are those called hoagies in Philadelphia?).

(GIF courtesy of Bill Baer at Crashburn Alley)

Chase Utley

In 2014, Chase Utley played 150+ games for the first time since 2009, but his final numbers were nowhere near what he produced in the Phillies' last pennant-winning season.  In 2009, Utley produced a .282/.397/.508 slash line, hit 31 homers (his third 30-homer campaign) and set new career highs with 23 stolen bases and 88 walks.  Five years later, Utley's first injury-free season since 2009 saw him produce a .270/.339/.407 slash line, 11 home runs, 10 stolen bases and just 53 walks.

Looking at Utley's five-year peak from 2005 to 2009 and comparing that to his last five years shows that Utley is a shadow of his former self.

• 2005-09: 151 games, .301/.388/.535, 39 doubles, 29 HR, 101 RBI, 111 runs scored
• 2010-14: 117 games, .270/.355/.435, 23 doubles, 13 HR, 60 RBI, 65 runs scored

Because of Utley's injury-free season in 2014, his $10 million salary in 2015 jumps up to $15 million, as there was a clause in his contract that guaranteed the 50% increase if he did not spend time on the disabled list with a knee injury in 2014.  A similar campaign will cause a $15 million option to kick in for 2016.  The same option applies to the 2017 and 2018 seasons.  Utley will earn $15 million per year if he collects 500 or more plate appearances in his previous campaign.  For the record, Utley played in 115 games in 2010 and 131 games in 2013, but still reached 500 plate appearances in both seasons.  In other words, the Phillies might be rooting for a long stint on the disabled list for their second baseman just to get out of a contract that could pay Utley $60 million between now and his age 39 season in 2018.

How are the Phillies going to be able to trade a guy who hasn't had a great season since 2009 to a team that would have to pay him top dollar if he stays on the field?  Utley's staying, for better or for worse.  Probably for worse.

Cole Hamels

And that brings us back to Cole Hamels.  The smiling ass still has four years and $96 million left on a contract that will pay him until he's 34, which means he'll be younger at the end of the deal than Rollins, Howard and Utley are right now.

As much as Hamels sucks against the Mets (ha, ha!), he is very good against everyone else.  In 2014, Hamels produced a career-best 2.46 ERA, reaching 200 innings for the sixth time in seven seasons.  Over the last five years, Hamels has averaged a 3.00 ERA, 1.119 WHIP and 204 strikeouts per season.  He is one of six pitchers to have 1,000 or more strikeouts since 2010.  The others are Clayton Kershaw, Felix Hernandez, Justin Verlander, Max Scherzer and David Price.  You probably recognize those names as pitchers who have won the Cy Young Award.  In fact, there are only three pitchers in all of baseball who have produced an ERA of 3.00 or lower, a WHIP not exceeding 1.12 and 1,000 strikeouts over the last five seasons.  Those pitchers are Kershaw, Hernandez and Hamels.

In other words, Cole Hamels might be an ass, but he's a mighty fine ass.

And this is a mighty fine picture of Cole Hamels.

Cole Hamels is just 30 years old (he'll be 31 in December).  Unlike his older homegrown teammates, Hamels is still quite productive, meaning he's actually earning his exorbitant salary.  But all of his quality starts have done little to help the Phillies win.  Over the last two seasons, Hamels has allowed two runs or fewer in 39 starts.  The Phillies lost 18 of those games.

Here is a list of every pitcher since 1901 who did not reach double digits in victories during a year in which he made at least 30 starts and produced a sub-2.50 ERA.

Player	Year	ERA	GS	W	Age	Tm	Lg	L	W-L%	IP	H	R	ER	BB	SO	BA	OBP	SLG	OPS
Cole Hamels	2014	2.46	30	9	30	PHI	NL	9	.500	204.2	176	60	56	59	198	.235	.296	.345	.641

Provided by Baseball-Reference.com: View Play Index Tool Used
Generated 10/25/2014.

Not exactly a long list, is it?  In fact, since the advent of divisional play in 1969, only two pitchers have come close to matching what Hamels did, and both names might look familiar to fans of National League baseball in New York.

Player	Year	ERA	GS	W	Age	Tm	Lg	L	W-L%	IP	H	R	ER	BB	SO	BA	OBP	SLG	OPS
Cole Hamels	2014	2.46	30	9	30	PHI	NL	9	.500	204.2	176	60	56	59	198	.235	.296	.345	.641
Matt Harvey	2013	2.27	26	9	24	NYM	NL	5	.643	178.1	135	46	45	31	191	.209	.248	.282	.530
Craig Swan	1978	2.43	28	9	27	NYM	NL	6	.600	207.1	164	62	56	58	125	.219	.275	.321	.597

Provided by Baseball-Reference.com: View Play Index Tool Used
Generated 10/25/2014.

Both Craig Swan and Matt Harvey failed to reach ten victories in their outstanding seasons, but each pitcher had a sub-2.50 ERA.  However, unlike Hamels, who made 30 starts in 2014, Swan and Harvey started 28 and 26 games, respectively, leaving Hamels all by his lonesome in the 30-start, 2.50-or-under-ERA, single-digit-victory club.

Imagine what Hamels could do for a team that, you know, actually scores runs.  It would behoove the Phillies to trade Hamels now, while he's still in his prime and is still putting up All-Star numbers.

Jimmy Rollins, Ryan Howard, Chase Utley and Cole Hamels are the Phillies' version of the "core four", as the quartet was originally drafted by Philadelphia and have spent a combined 47 seasons in the city of Brotherly Love.  But Rollins, Howard and Utley are all past their prime years and are playing like it.  Hamels is not.

"We're not amused that Iggy Beartran thinks we're past out prime." (Photo by Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images)

For years, Cole Hamels has never endeared himself to Mets fans.  From calling the Mets chokers following the Phillies' 2008 championship season to costing R.A. Dickey a chance to toss the team's first no-hitter in 2010, Hamels has been the textbook definition of an ass.

During the 2009 World Series against the Yankees, Hamels admitted that he couldn't wait to go home while his teammates were trying to win a second championship.  If he wants to win more games, perhaps home for Hamels should be in a city that doesn't serve up steaks on a hoagie or poorly-timed quotes from its star pitcher.

Escaping from Philadelphia can help both the Phillies on a team level and Cole Hamels on a personal level.  Hopefully, if Hamels does get traded, it's to a team that has the Mets on its schedule.  That 8-14 career mark versus New York needs a few more 'L's on it.