¡Hola, señoras y señores! This is Ballapeño Pepe Sanchez Gomez del Chapulín Colorado, although you might know me by the one-word moniker Ballapeño. I’m like Cher, Madonna, Prince and Cantinflas, only younger and more handsome (although Cantinflas did beat me in the sense of humor department).
In today’s edition of Ballapeño’s Bullpen, I will discuss Ike Davis. This season, he has been throwing many peos at the plate and now his particularly pungent play has extended to his defense. For those of you who don’t know what a peo is, let’s just say it’s something that stinks and makes people want to run for the exits, just like fanaticos de los Mets have been doing whenever Ike Davis has been guilty of throwing a peo or two during a game. And he saved the greatest peo of all for Wednesday’s matinee against los Rojos de Cincinnati.
Wednesday was Cinco de Matt-o at Citi Field, meaning it was the fifth day since Señor Matt Harvey’s last appearance. Señor Harvey did not have his best stuff on Wednesday against a team that was muy póderoso. He was removed from the game with one out in the seventh inning and the game tied at dos. However, reliever Scott Rice inherited two of Señor Harvey’s baserunners when he was brought into the game. Needless to say, against a powerful lineup like Cincinnati’s, Señor Arroz turned into a real pollo. By the time the seventh inning was over, los Mets were down, 4-2. Nueva York did come back to tie the game in the bottom of the seventh. (Of course, Ike Davis was not part of the rally. If he was, the inning would have ended before the tying run got a chance to cross el plato.) The game remained tied until the ninth inning, when Ike Davis threw a killer peo.
With one out and runners at the corners, Brandon Phillips hit a bouncing ball near the bag at first. Señor Davis, who was standing near the foul line, assumed the ball was going to go foul and did not make an attempt to field it. Clearly, Señor Davis must have graduated with honors from the Timo Pérez School of Assumptions (for all you muchachos out there who don’t know anything about this school, just Google “Timo Pérez 2000 World Series Game 1” and you will receive una educación you will never forget). Naturally, the ball stayed fair while Señor Davis’ reputation as a legitimate major leaguer went foul. The brain peo allowed the go-ahead run to score and set off a chain of events that would lead to a 7-4 defeat to los Rojos.
|That's the look of a man who just committed a major brain peo.|
(Photo by Howard Simmons/New York Daily News)
There are peos and then there are PEOS. Ike Davis has thrown many PEOS at the plate this year, striking out with men everywhere almost as much as Elaine Benes did on Seinfeld. But on Wednesday, Señor Davis threw the most pungent peo of them all. He made an incorrect assumption at first base which led directly to a disheartening defeat.
When most players are on the field, they’re constantly using their brains to make wise decisions in the event a ball is hit in their general vicinity. But nothing wise came out of Ike Davis’ brain on Wednesday in the ninth inning. Something else came out instead. And Mets fans in attendance were forced to endure the stink his brain peo left at Citi Field.