Tuesday, May 14, 2013

DJ Joey B Presents: A Scott Atchison Top Ten List

What's up, Mets fans?  It's time for our latest countdown.  Today, I'm spinning a special playlist for you.  You see, everyone's favorite AARP member, Scott Atchison, has been placed on the disabled list with bone spurs in his elbow.  He has been replaced on the active roster by Collin McHugh, a pitcher young enough to be his son. 

That's what the Mets want you to believe.  But this DJ knows better.

It's no secret that Scott Atchison has not been pitching well this year.  And after I reveal my special top ten list, it'll also be no secret what the real reasons are for the Mets reserving a room for Captain Graybeard at the DL Hotel.  Let's boogie!

Top Ten Reasons Why Scott Atchison Was Really Replaced On The 25-Man Roster:

10.  Julio Franco was upset that Atchison was about to pass him as the oldest player to ever don a Mets uniform.

9.  The Mets were afraid that the Geritol in Atchison’s locker would cause him to test positive for PEDs.

8.  Shaun Marcum felt uncomfortable that reporters were mistakenly calling him Scott Atchison.

"Hello, SNY viewers.  Please don't call me Scott Atchison.  I'm Shaun Marcum."

7.  There was no money in the budget for a Scooter to transport Atchison from the bullpen to the mound.

6.  Justin Turner was afraid he’d knock out Atchison’s dentures if Atchison ever did anything pie-worthy.

5.  Fred Wilpon found out that Atchison was the one stealing signs at the Polo Grounds when Bobby Thomson hit the Shot Heard ‘Round The World to take the pennant from his beloved Brooklyn Dodgers.

4.  When Jay Horwitz butt-dialed Scott Atchison, Atchison responded by saying he didn’t accept collect calls.

Scott Atchison doesn't accept collect calls?  He is a pitied fool.

3.  The Mets did not want turmoil in the clubhouse after Matt Harvey took offense to Atchison calling him a young whippersnapper.

2.  Atchison was taking up too much space on team flights by insisting on carrying his Betamax and 8-track tape players on every road trip. 

… and the No. 1 reason why Scott Atchison was really replaced on the 25-man roster is …

1.  Betty White kept calling the clubhouse asking when Atchison was getting off work. 

 "Scott!  Oh, Scott!  Don't you walk away from me!  I can hear your creaking joints all the way over here!"

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