At Studious Metsimus, we'd also like to chime in on the Jose Reyes situation. But how could we go about doing that without sounding like every other fan with a blog? The answer is simple, really. We'll do it in the form of a song parody!
In the past, we've parodied Oliver Perez ("Ollie B. Gone") and Luis Castillo ("Forget Lou") after they were released from the team, so why not go the opposite route and write a parody asking the Mets to keep a player instead of bidding them a not-so-fond adieu?
So it came down to trying to find a song that would be relevant to the topic at hand. We considered songs from various eras and genres (don't ask about the Hall & Oates parody - we're saving that one for another day) and almost chose "The Sign" by Swedish music icons Ace of Base. (What, did you think I was going to say Roxette?)
However, every time we started humming the song in our heads, we kept sticking in a "bork, bork, bork" in the chorus, which messed up the dynamic of the song. As anyone not named Waldorf and Statler could tell you, anytime you hum a Swedish song, eventually your thoughts will turn to a certain Scandinavian culinary artist.
Will the Mets re-sign Jose Reyes or will they "bork" things up again?
So which song did we pick to skewer now that Hall & Oates and Ace of Base were no longer in the picture? Like Bobby Bonilla's cranial CAT scan, the choice was a no-brainer.
In 1971, the song "Signs" became a top ten hit for the Five Man Electrical Band. It reappeared in the top ten in 1990 when Tesla covered the song. Now it's back for a third time, in the hopes that Jose Reyes re-"signs" with the Mets.
Put on your best blue and orange karaoke clothes and get ready to jam with your fellow Mets fans. It's time for "Sign"!
And Wilpon said,
"Long-dreaded free-agent people need not apply."
So he tucked his dreads under his do-rag
And he went in to ask him why.
Fred said, "you look like a fine shortstop
and I'd want to re-sign you.
You're a champ with a bat, but I imagine that
your days as a Met are through."
Oh! Sign! Sign! Wish Jose would sign.
Put his John Hancock on the dotted line.
Do this, don't delay.
Can't you please just sign?!
And Wilpon said,
"Anybody caught hot doggin'
Will be cut on sight."
So he scaled the dugout fence and he yelled at Fred's box,
"Hey, that s**t just ain't right!
You brought in the fences for balls to fly out
And I said that I wanted in.
If Koufax was here, he'd say it to your face
Fred, go build me a winner!"
Sign! Sign! Wish Jose would sign.
Put his John Hancock on the dotted line.
Do this, don't delay.
Can't you please just sign?!
Now hey Mr. Wilpon, can't you read?
You must re-sign Jose and his lightning speed.
You're on watch so you must heed
Jose is supposed to be-e-e-e....here!
But Wilpon said,
"You've got to have a four-year contract to get inside"
Ughhh!
And Wilpon said,
"Jose, you're always welcome.
Come in. Let's discuss your pay.
Friend, you've got to understand I've no money at all
'Cause I gave it all to Jason Bay."
Jose gave Fred a blank sheet of paper
And he told him he wouldn't sign
He said "Thank you, Fred, but don't patronize me
I'll move on and do just fine."
No! Sign! Sign! Now Jose won't sign.
Won't put his John Hancock on the dotted line.
Screw you, Fred and Jeff.
Could not make him sign.
Sign! Sign! Now Jose won't sign.
Won't put his John Hancock on the dotted line.
Screw you, Fred and Jeff.
Last place shall be thine...
2 comments:
Awesome, Ed. I laughed the whole time I was reading it. You left out the part about "got me a pen and paper, and I made up my own f*&%#$%& sign". I wonder what that sign would say, if Jose were to create it?
Oh, I changed that line about the pen and a paper to "Jose gave Fred a blank sheet of paper
And he told him he wouldn't sign". The pen and a paper part wasn't working the way I wanted it to, but it did show up in the first draft.
Perhaps Jose could get the guys from the 7 Line website to create the sign for him. They seemed to get all of their signs on TV for the world to see.
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