Milestones Within Reach For Members of the 2019 Mets

We all want to reach a certain number when we set out to do things.  Some people want to walk 10,000 steps in a day.  Others want to consume no more than 2,000 calories on a daily basis.  And a select few want a minimum of five engagement rings in a lifetime.  (I may or may not be talking to you, J-Lo.)

Our obsession with hitting a round number is no different than a major league baseball player's quest to do the same thing.  The guys who will forever be known as members of the 2019 Mets are no exception, as several of the team's players could reach and - dare I say it - surpass various career milestones during the course of the season.

So which of the everyday players are going to reach a lofty numerical mark this season?  Is there a member of the I-work-once-every-five-days fraternity who will look at his Baseball Reference page and see a nice round number next to one of his cumulative stats?  And why does Jason Vargas look like he just attempted to rescue a struggling swimmer on the beach before he himself needed to be saved by the lifeguard on duty?  At least two of those questions will be answered below.  Enjoy!

Jason Vargas has nothing on David Hasselhoff or his hair stylist.  (Matt Ehalt/Twitter)

Attainable Individual Milestones (Position Players)

Michael Conforto:

• Needs 24 home runs to reach 100 for his career.
• Needs 150 hits to reach 500 lifetime base knocks.
• Needs 20 doubles to reach triple digits in that category.
• Needs to strike out less.  I mean, seriously, by the end of this season, he's going to be knocking on the door of the top ten whiffers in club history.  Make more contact, dude!

Robinson Canó:

• Needs 30 hits for 2,500 in his career.
• Needs 12 runs scored to reach 1,200.
• Needs 93 RBI to become one of baseball's all-time top 100 run producers.
• Needs to forget he's 36 and hit like he's 26.  Oh, and we're going to need him to play solid up-the-middle defense as well.  As the wise philosopher Bill Lumbergh once said, "That would be great".

Todd Frazier:

• Needs seven home runs to reach 200.
• Needs 93 hits to reach 1,000 for his career.
• Needs 69 strikeouts to also reach a grand.
• Needs to realize that no one is going to be lining up outside Citi Field two hours before the gates open to get his WWE bobblehead on Saturday, April 6.  Except maybe those fans who mistakenly think the Jacob deGrom Cy Young Award bobblehead is going to be given out that day instead of the following afternoon.

Brandon Nimmo:

• Needs 26 RBI to reach 100 in his brief career.
• Needs 81 walks for 200, a number attained by only three dozen Mets players.
• Needs to get hit by 23 pitches to match Lucas Duda atop the Mets' all-time leaderboard.
• Needs another solid year at the plate to become just the fifth player in Mets history to produce back-to-back seasons with a 5.0 oWAR or higher.  I'm not kidding.  Only Darryl Strawberry (1987-88), Edgardo Alfonzo (1999-2000), Mike Piazza (2000-01) and David Wright twice (2007-08, 2012-13) produced an offensive WAR of at least 5.0 in consecutive campaigns.  Hernandez, HoJo and Beltrán never did it.  I'm sure joining those franchise legends would finally give him a reason to smile.

Yoenis Céspedes:

• Wait, he's still on the team?

Pete Alonso:

• Needs 15 home runs to surpass the total Dominic Smith put up in parts of two seasons.
• Needs to be on the Opening Day roster.
• Needs to hit one up in the Budweiser Landing on May 25 since I'll be up there and I've never caught a home run ball (or foul ball for that matter) in the 700+ games I've attended in person.  Do it for this beleaguered blogger, Pete!

Do me a solid and hit one solidly on May 25, Pete!  (Photo by Gary Dunaier/Baseball Fever; Orange Text by Ed Leyro)

Attainable Individual Milestones (Pitchers)

Jacob deGrom:

• Needs 102⅓ innings pitched to reach 1,000 in his career. 
• Needs 173 strikeouts to move into the Mets' all-time top five in whiffs.
• Needs 12 wins to finally knock Steve Trachsel out of the team's top ten in that category.
• Needs to get a bigger wallet 'cause the man's about to get paid.  By someone.  Hopefully by the Mets.

Zack Wheeler:

• Needs five starts to reach 100.
• Needs 184 strikeouts to be knocking on the door of the team's top ten lifetime fan artists.
• Needs 163 innings to enter the Mets' all-time top 25, an impressive feat considering he missed two full seasons due to injuries and surgeries.
• Needs to read the last attainable individual milestone I mentioned for Jacob deGrom and react accordingly.  Especially if he continues to progress as he did last season and doesn't turn into another Matt Harvey.

Noah Syndergaard:

• Needs 14 starts for 100 in his career.
• Needs 256 strikeouts to become one of the Mets' all-time top ten whiffer snappers.
• Needs 13 wins to reach 50, which would match Mike Pelfrey's total with the Mets and would continue to prove that wins are a meaningless stat for pitchers.
• Needs to decide what he wants to do with his famously flowing locks.  Man bun?  Shaved on the side, longer in the back?  What's next, a spiky hairdo a la Poindexter in Revenge of the Nerds?

Poindexter's hair looks like it had a date with Thor's hammer.  (Revenge of the Nerds/20th Century Fox)

Steven Matz:

• Needs 29 starts to reach triple digits.
• Needs 137 strikeouts for 500 in his career.
• Needs his grandpa to come out to more games.  He's fun to watch.
• Needs to stop being so streaky and start being more consistent.  The Mets haven't had many great southpaw starters in their history and right now he's closer to being Jon Niese than he is to being Jon Matlack.

Jeurys Familia:

• Needs 60 appearances to enter the team's all-time top five in that category.
• Needs two saves whenever Edwin Díaz needs a rest to reach 125 as a Met.
• Needs 40 strikeouts to have more Ks than any Mets reliever not named John Franco, Tug McGraw, Jesse Orosco or Armando Benitez.
• Needs to once again come into games with "Danza Kuduro" playing as his entrance music just so I can continue to use the Tony Danza GIF on Twitter.

Edwin Díaz:

• Needs 41 saves for 150 in his career.
• Needs 99 strikeouts for 400 lifetime whiffs.
• Needs to reproduce his 7.3 K/BB ratio from last year.  No Mets reliever has ever had such a season.  (Addison Reed's 7.0 ratio in 2016 - 91 K, 13 BB - is tops for Mets relievers.)
• Needs 34 saves to enter the Mets' all-time top 15, which says pretty much all you need to know about how few great closers this team has had in their nearly 60-year history.  I mean, Braden Looper and Doug Sisk are currently in the top 15, while Díaz has yet to throw a regular season pitch for the team.  Enough said.

Jason Vargas:

• No, seriously, what's up with that hair and why is he still a member of the team?

Borrowing Tim Teufel's old glasses isn't going to fool us, Vargas!  (SNY screenshot)

Song Parody: 44 Ways To Say Goodbye

The next time Jason Bay stinks up the place, it will not be in a Mets uniform.

Jason Bay came to New York with plenty of potential and plenty of zeroes on his contract.  After three years of covering up his shortcomings with the phrase "but he hustles", the Mets finally decided to cut ties with the hapless hustler, deferring the rest of the money owed on his contract over the course of several years.

The Mets will now have millions of dollars available to sweeten potential deals for David Wright and R.A. Dickey, or perhaps they will use it on another outfielder.  (Shin-Soo Choo, anyone?)  After all, the Mets are now short by one at that position.

So as Jason Bay boards the train leaving from Citi Field, I decided to write a song parody of a popular song by the band Train.  The original song, called "50 Ways To Say Goodbye", has a mariachi band and David Hasselhoff in the video.  (The Hoff used to star in Baywatch; we watched Bay, who used to be a star.  How appropriate.)  I can't promise you mariachis or the Hoff, but I can give you my own version of the song, called "44 Ways To Say Goodbye", based on the number that Jason Bay will no longer wear for the Mets.  Enjoy!


I can't believe my eyes
Did Bay just compromise
To take a hike just like he should
'Twas never meant to be
Too many injuries
He's leaving now since he's no good

That's cool, 'cause all Mets fans have had enough of Jason Bay

Hit the wall back in L.A.
Got a concussion
Ended his season with little production
Help him!  Help him!  Flash light in his eyes!
Came to the park with his lumber
Nothing cured his slumber 
So imperfect, just like Philip Humber
Help him!  Help him!  Bay whiffs every time
He's under the Mendoza line

Fred's wallet feels the sting
Wilpon paid everything
He's kicking Bay out the front door (out the front door)
Thought he was Superman
Bay didn't stick to the plan 
Missing like Koufax on Yom Kippur

Not cool, but it's all true; I'm glad we're rid of Jason Bay

He was caught in a deep slide
Hey, but he was tryin'
Slumps stretched longer than Conan O'Brien
Helpless!  Helpless!  Now we say goodbye!
Bay got just what he deserved
He killed the ballclub
As worthless as a Citi Field ticket stub
Helpless!  Helpless!  Glad we realized
That Bay should go bye-bye

Don't wanna whiff a thousand times with you
Don't want another injury; we're through
Go on...we just don't want you

That's cool, 'cause all Mets fans have had enough of Jason Bay
That's cool, 'cause all Mets fans have had enough of Jason Bay...
 
Hit the wall back in L.A.
Got a concussion
Ended his season with little production
Help him!  Help him!  Flash light in his eyes!
Came to the park with his lumber
Nothing cured his slumber 
So imperfect, just like Philip Humber
Help him!  Help him!  Bay whiffs every time...

He was caught in a deep slide
Hey, but he was tryin'
Slumps stretched longer than Conan O'Brien
Helpless!  Helpless!  Now we say goodbye!
Bay got just what he deserved
He killed the ballclub
As worthless as a Citi Field ticket stub
Helpless!  Helpless!  Glad we realized
That Bay should go bye-bye...

Baywatch Canceled; Mets Fans Thrilled, Hasselhoff Still Drunk

The Mets finally got their man. The beaches of Flushing are now safe thanks to Jason Bay patrolling its shores.

With a four-year, $66 million offer, the left field problem has now been solved and the Mets can move on to filling their other holes now that the Baywatch is no longer on the air.

Reactions from fans to the Bay signing has been mostly positive. Here are samples from some of them:


Joey B. from the Bronx: It's about time the Mets fixed their leak in left field. I'll be sitting in Section 138 next year and look forward to seeing Jason Bay up close and personal. I just hope he doesn't do anything special while I'm standing on line at Shake Shack for three innings or so.

Jerry S. from Long Island: Did you ever notice that Omar Minaya waits for holidays to acquire big names? Johan Santana was signed on Groundhog Day in 2008 and Pedro Martinez was acquired after Thanksgiving in 2004. Does that mean we should expect Bengie Molina on New Year's Day and another starting pitcher will be a Met on Martin Luther King Day? It looks like I'll be having a Happy Festivus indeed!

Tim R. from Hollywood: I'm glad the Mets made this acquisition. It takes the sting away from my breakup with my long-term partner, Sue. Did you know that we were together since 1986, the last year the Mets won the World Series? By the way, I heard the Mets are also looking for a pitcher and a catcher. My buddy, Crash, and I might be what you're looking for. You bloggers have some pull with the team, right?


Jay and S. Bob from Leonardo, NJ: My hetero-lifemate and I once smoked a fatty with Jason Bay before he came to the states from Canada. We were standing outside a Tim Horton's, he came by and bickety-bam. Before you know it, he was making waves in the majors, Berserker-style. Snoogans. Dude still owes me an Egg-A-Mooby Muffin, though.

David H. from the Betty Ford Clinic: Why is everyone making such a big deal about this? Is he big in Germany? No. I am! All this talk about Baywatch being canceled is making me sick. Now get me another burger and a beer! Hiccup!


There you have it, my friends. To recap, Jason Bay is a Met. Fans from Section 138 to some guy who asks too many questions to a few stoners who made a Quick Stop to talk to Studious Metsimus even though they weren't supposed to be here to a drunkard who claims to have been big in Germany all have their opinions on the signing. At least we finally have something to talk about!

Now excuse me while I calm down that David H. guy. Apparently, he's saying something about some Pamela A. chick and her beach volleyballs. At least, that's what I think he's saying.