The Magic Fortune Cookie Predicts the 2019 Mets Season

Last season, the Mets produced a Cy Young Award recipient in Jacob deGrom.  They also saw Zack Wheeler finally turning the corner and Noah Syndergaard emerging victorious in 13 of his 17 decisions.  And that's not to mention Michael Conforto setting career highs in home runs and RBI, Jeff McNeil continuing to rake at sea level after tearing up the Pacific Coast League and Brandon Nimmo reaching base in over 40% of his plate appearances, all while making a good case to play Guy Smiley in a live action Sesame Street movie.

What did all this individual success get them?  Just a measly 77-85 record and a fourth place finish for the sixth time in the Citi Field era.

But new general manager Brodie Van Wagenen insists that this year's Mets will be different than the previous two seasons.  This year's squad has All-Stars galore in new additions Robinson Canó, Edwin Díaz and Wilson Ramos.  Throw in Jeurys Familia, Jed Lowrie (when his boo boo heals) and the greatest first baseman in Mets history who still hasn't played a game at the major league level, Pete Alonso, and the Mets should easily tack on a few wins to last year's total, especially if none of their games against Derek Jeter's Marlins are postponed and not made up.

Of course, I'm not an expert on anything.  But I do know a good Mets prognosticator when I see one.  That's why, back by popular demand, I give you our resident Studious Metsimus soothsayer.  Please put your hands together for the one and only Magic Fortune Cookie.

Why would you say that?  I just paid you a compliment and if people want to applaud you for being good at what you do, you shouldn't tell them not to do so.

Because you're a fortune cookie.  Got it.  Well, I think you're great.  Except when you're insulting me.  Which I'm sure you won't be doing this time around, right?

I'll try to not ask silly questions then.  Let's begin.  How do you feel about Jacob deGrom finally being given the contract extension that every big leaguer and their mothers were getting this off-season?

Wait, what?  What kind of answer is that?  That has nothing to do with my question.

Well, you certainly did that.  Now can you answer my question?  And please leave the insults back at the restaurant.

Thank you for your honest response.  And why do you think it needed to be done?  Were you afraid he'd take a dip in the free agent waters after the 2020 campaign without the extension?

Moving on to his fellow moundsman, do you feel Noah Syndergaard or Zack Wheeler will ever put up a season similar to the one deGrom completed last year?  And if so, which one has the potential to parlay such a season into a similar nine-figure deal with the team?

And how can you be so certain it's Thor and not Wheeler who gets the big payday from the team?

It most certainly isn't.  Moving on to the bullpen, is the one-two punch of Jeurys Familia and Edwin Díaz going to mean lights out for the opposition if the Mets have the lead through seven innings?

Hate to break it to you, but the 2010 team wasn't very good.  Not only that, but they didn't really have an eighth inning guy.  I mean, nearly half of Fernando Nieve's relief appearances that year came in the eighth inning and his ERA was an even 6.00.

Well, that was an unfortunate and embarrassing incident in club history.  Speaking of unfortunate and embarrassing, what do you think about the Wilpons' decision to finally have a Tom Seaver statue at Citi Field, announcing the news after his family revealed that he was retiring from the public life and would not be able to join his 1969 teammates for their 50th anniversary reunion at the ballpark?

I can understand your feelings for Seaver, but why do you feel happy for the men who caught Seaver in 1969?

Travis d'Arnaud probably won't be pleased to find out that you believe a couple of septuagenarians and an octogenarian are currently better equipped to handle the team's backup catcher's position.

Fair point.  Let's continue talking about up-the-middle players.  Why do you think Fred Wilpon agreed to take on the contract of Robinson Canó?  He's usually allergic to spending money.  Why did he change his ways for Canó?

I don't get it.

Oh, now I get it.  Papa Smirk was a Brooklyn Dodgers fan growing up.

Har-de-har-har.  Let's move on to the outfield.  Michael Conforto and Brandon Nimmo had strong seasons in 2018.  But teams need three outfielders.  Who will see the bulk of the playing time as the team's third outfielder?

Uh, you do know that Céspedes will start the season on the injured list and may not play until very late in the season, if he plays at all, right?

I suppose that could happen.  At least you didn't say Dominic Smith, so I can breathe a sigh of relief there.  And while I'm on the topic of first basemen, what numbers do you think Pete Alonso will produce at the position?

That's not very impressive.  Loney and González combined for just 15 HR and 60 RBI during their time with the Mets.  Pretty much any first baseman can produce those numbers over a full season.

That's promising news indeed!  Next-to-last question.  Do you think new hitting coach Chili Davis will help the team improve their putrid .234 team batting average, which was the Mets' lowest mark since the 1972 campaign?

Wait, you're not a sportswriter.  How does a fortune cookie have sources?

That was awful.

Your predictions might be good, but your jokes - for a fortune cookie - are a little stale.

Fine.  Last question.  What do you think the Mets' final record will be and where will they finish in the National League East?

And here I was, thinking the Mets had improved their team enough to make it into October.

Well, I oughta...

On that note, I'd like to thank the Magic Fortune Cookie for doing the best it could at making difficult predictions about an unpredictable team.  I'd also like to thank myself for exhibiting the self-control needed not to break open the fortune cookie every time it insulted me.  There's only so much a non-sleep inducing blogger can take.

Until next time, I hope you enjoy Opening Day, the 1969 reunion weekend and the rest of the season.  And remember, if the Mets purchase the contract of Kirk Nieuwenhuis from the Long Island Ducks, we're all in trouble.

LET'S GO METS!!

Hey, kids!  Prior to last year's hiring of the Magic Fortune Cookie, it was the Magic 8-Ball that was making predictions for Studious Metsimus, doing its job every season since 2010, the year Jason Bay first soiled us with his presence.  To see what the Magic 8-Ball said prior to each of the eight seasons it was on the Studious Metsimus payroll from 2010 to 2017, and what the Magic Fortune Cookie said in its debut in 2018, please click on the links below:

2018 Magic Fortune Cookie Predictions

2017 Magic 8-Ball Predictions
2016 Magic 8-Ball Predictions

2015 Magic 8-Ball Predictions
2014 Magic 8-Ball Predictions
2013 Magic 8-Ball Predictions

2012 Magic 8-Ball Predictions

2011 Magic 8-Ball Predictions

2010 Magic 8-Ball Predictions

DJ Joey B Presents: Frankie Knuckles' Greatest Hits

What's up, homies? You may know me as Joey Beartran, the roving reporter and culinary expert for Studious Metsimus. But ever since I met Howie Rose during a Mets game in Texas a few weeks ago, I've begun to dream about a career in radio.

The Mets aren't currently hiring, so I decided to go into the radio business for myself as DJ Joey B. And as a bonus to you, the Studious Metsimus reader, I've decided to give you a firsthand look at my first Top Ten countdown. Today's countdown will focus on a former Met who was just traded to Milwaukee. That's right, Mets fans. I'm talking about Frankie Knuckles.

Now, in case you forgot, Frankie Knuckles is not the name of the newest character on MTV's "Jersey Shore". Rather, it is the pseudonym for Francisco Rodriguez, a nickname given to him by my colleague after he took part in last year's "Beat Your Dad-In-Law At Work" Day.

Now that Frankie Knuckles has been traded to the Milwaukee Brewers for two players to be named later, (I'm surprised they don't have names yet. Their parents are either very slow or expected to have a girl.) I'd like to present to you Frankie Knuckles' Greatest Hits (pun very much intended). These are the top ten infamous moments in Francisco Rodriguez's short Mets career.


10. Justin Maxwell Goes Grand (9/30/09)

With the season winding down and the Mets already having lost over 90 games for the first time since 2004, Frankie Knuckles was called upon to protect a two-run lead in the ninth inning against the Washington Nationals. In what was a microcosm of the Mets' lost season, K-Rod loaded up the bases with two outs, then forced in a run by walking Adam Dunn. He then found the plate and Justin Maxwell found his home run swing. Maxwell's walk-off grand slam gave the Mets their final loss of the season.


9. Second Verse, Same As The First (7/3/10)

Less than a year after his Maxwell Meltdown, it was deja vu all over again for Frankie Knuckles and the Mets. In a game started by Nationals' phenom Stephen Strasburg, it was the Mets who held a 5-3 lead going to the bottom of the ninth inning. Three walks and three hits later (including a two-run double by Adam Dunn that might have been called a walk-off grand slam had it not been for instant replay), the Nationals had the victory and K-Rod had ruined my first Mets game in Washington (yes, I was there...you can read about my experience at the game here.)


8. When A Win Feels Like A Loss (7/18/10)

In yet another game I attended (this time at AT&T Park in San Francisco), the Mets held a two-run lead over the Giants going to the bottom of the ninth inning. Of course, your fav'rit Mr. Knuckles coughed up the lead, giving up two runs in the inning. However, it should have been three runs and a loss for K-Rod and the Mets, but a blown call by home plate umpire Phil Cuzzi on what should have been Travis Ishikawa's game-winning run, gave the Mets a second chance. The Mets took advantage of Cuzzi's call, scoring a run in the tenth inning, before K-Rod got out of a self-induced jam in the bottom of the inning. We gave a courtesy cheer after K-Rod retired the final batter with the tying and winning runs on base, but it sure felt like a loss.


7. The Game Just Kept Going...And Going...And Going (4/17/10)

In one of the craziest games in recent memory, the Mets and Cardinals played to a scoreless tie through 18 innings at Busch Stadium. St. Louis had already used their entire bullpen and utility infielder Felipe Lopez (who pitched a scoreless 18th). Then they relieved their position player with another position player, Joe Mather, who promptly gave up the first run of the game in the top of the 19th inning. Enter Frankie Knuckles. He allowed St. Louis to tie the game in the bottom of the 19th. Fortunately, Mather was left in the game to pitch the 20th inning and the Mets re-took the lead. This time, K-Rod was not allowed to finish what he started, and Mike Pelfrey was brought in to record his first career save.


6. S.D.S.D. (San Diego Slam Dancing) (8/7/09)

Everth Cabrera had hit a whopping one home run in his major league career. Then he came up to bat against Frankie Knuckles with the bases loaded in the bottom of the ninth inning after the Padres had already tied the game. Nine pitches later, Cabrera had doubled his career home run total. Another day, another walk-off grand slam.


5. What The 'Eck Is Going On Here? (6/2/10)

Little David Eckstein, all three feet, six inches of him (give or take a few inches) was the Padres' last chance when he batted against Frankie Knuckles with two outs in the bottom of the ninth inning in a game led by the Mets, 1-0. K-Rod had just struck out the previous two batters (Matt Stairs, Jerry Hairston) with the tying run in scoring position. First pitch to Eckstein, strike one. Second pitch, strike two. Third pitch, base hit up the middle, tying run scores. Sigh. At least K-Rod didn't lose this game. That "honor" went to Raul Valdes, who gave up the Frankie Knuckles Special, a walk-off grand slam to Adrian Gonzalez.


5. Thank You Sir, May I Have Another? (5/27/11)

The Mets had come from behind against their arch-rivals from Philadelphia at Citi Field, erasing a 2-0 deficit by scoring single runs in the fifth, sixth and seventh innings. They kept that 3-2 lead until the eighth inning, when the Phillies tied it. With the game knotted at 3 going to the ninth inning, Frankie Knuckles was summoned from the bullpen, trying desperately to keep the game tied. He started out fine, retiring Raul Ibañez on a fly ball to center. Then the hits kept coming, and coming, and coming some more. Carlos Ruiz stroked a single. Then Ross Gload picked up a hit. Then Domonic Brown did the same. So did Chase Utley. And Placido Polanco. When all was said and done, the Phillies had scored three runs on five hits off K-Rod. At least there was a bright side to this performance, as K-Rod didn't give up a grand slam.


4. A Gift For Mariano (6/28/09)

In this game, K-Rod did not blow a lead. Rather, he was called upon to keep the game close. The Mets were trailing the Yankees by a run in the ninth inning. However, K-Rod decided to give the gift that keeps on giving, walking Brett Gardner and Derek Jeter after allowing a leadoff single to Jorge Posada. Up came Mariano Rivera, the Yankees' closer who had never driven in a run in his storied major league career. After this at-bat, that was no longer the case, as Frankie Knuckles gave Rivera a free pass, forcing in a run. Mariano went on to record his 500th career save after retiring the Mets in the bottom of the ninth, making K-Rod's gift take on a special meaning.


3. Conrad The Barbarian (6/16/11)

In the most recent addition to the list, the Mets appeared to have registered one of their most spirited wins of the year, erasing a four-run deficit against the Braves to take an 8-6 lead into the bottom of the ninth inning. Terry Collins brought in K-Rod to protect the two-run lead, but he gave up a one-out single to Jason Heyward. Up came pinch-hitter Brooks Conrad, who wasn't exactly tearing it up at the major league level (.205, 1 HR, 5 RBI, 17 strikeouts in 39 at-bats) at the time. Too bad Frankie Knuckles wasn't aware of those numbers, as Conrad launched a game-tying two-run homer off the Mets closer. The Braves went on to win the game in the tenth inning, preventing the Mets from going above .500.


2. Two Hands (6/12/09)

Although this moment ranks at No. 2, it was the lack of that number that caused K-Rod to lose the game, as Luis Castillo failed to use two hands to catch Alex Rodriguez's pop-up on what should have been the final out in a Mets victory. Instead, he dropped the ball, the Yankees scored the tying and winning runs (with Mark Teixeira hustling all the way home from first), and Frankie Knuckles probably pondered using those knuckles on Luis Castillo's head. Speaking of using one's fists...


The No. 1 Infamous Moment For Frankie Knuckles As A Met Is...

What else could it be? It's the one moment that didn't take place on the baseball diamond, but got more coverage than anything K-Rod ever did on the field. On August 11, 2010, Francisco Rodriguez earned the name Frankie Knuckles by assaulting his girlfriend's father in the Mets clubhouse following the Mets' 6-2 loss to the Colorado Rockies. He was arrested and did not play for the Mets again in 2010, as the Papi Punch tore a ligament in K-Rod's thumb. It also bought him an anger management course and began the countdown towards his departure from the Mets, which was made official after this week's All-Star Game.

So long, K-Rod. You can leave your time card behind. We'll remember to punch out for you.

Courting Mark Cuban

By now you've heard the story of the Wilpon Family Circus ad nauseum. If not, it goes a little something like this. The Wilpons are being sued! They need money! They're looking for a business partner to buy up to 25% of the Mets!

But while numerous investors have stepped up expressing interest in buying a share of the franchise, including one that would include Martin Luther King III, there is one billionaire whose name has not surfaced as a potential minority owner. This person has experience with ownership of a professional sports franchise and has also attempted to buy two other major league baseball teams in the recent past.

Tell me, my friends. How would you feel about Mark Cuban throwing his money around Citi Field?

In today's Daily News, Tim Smith reveals that all the Mets have to do to get Cuban's attention is to make the first phone call. The always accessible entrepreneur was in New York last night to watch the team he currently owns, the Dallas Mavericks, play the Knicks at Madison Square Garden. Cuban had this to say about the Mets' search for a business partner:

"If someone sees me as a potential owner, I'll take their call and discuss a deal."

Cuban has already expressed his desire to own a major league baseball franchise. In 2008, he tried to purchase the Chicago Cubs from Sam Zell, but was unsuccessful in his attempt. Last year, after the Texas Rangers declared bankruptcy, Cuban was one of a number of investors who put in a bid for the financially troubled team. In August, he was narrowly beaten out by a group led by Hall of Famer Nolan Ryan, who bought the eventual American League champions for over half a billion dollars.

So what are the pros and cons of Cuban potentially owning a share of the Mets?

For one thing, Cuban certainly wouldn't have allowed players such as Oliver Perez and Luis Castillo to remain on the team for as long as they have. Although the Wilpons have never publicly stated that they're unwilling to eat their contracts, it is not unreasonable to believe that their current financial problems have a lot to do with it. If the Mets decided to release Perez and Castillo, they'd still be responsible for their salaries (approximately $18 million in 2011 between the two players). They'd also have to pay the players who would fill their vacated roster spots, increasing the team's payroll in the process. By keeping Perez and Castillo on the team, they'd in essence be saving money, although it would come at the expense of fielding the best possible team.

Mark Cuban would not only rid the team of Perez and Castillo, he'd personally drive them to the airport and would make sure the door hit them on the way out. He would not let a few bucks or perhaps $18 million get in the way of fielding a contending team day in and day out. The Dallas Mavericks have been in the playoffs each of the last ten years, reaching the NBA Finals in 2006. They've put together a talented team despite there being a salary cap in basketball. Imagine what Cuban could do in baseball, where the commissioner's office doesn't restrict him from spending whatever he needs to acquire the best possible players.

Now there is the question of how hands-on you'd want Cuban to be. At times he has become the main story, rather than the man who sits quietly in the background, letting his players' performance do the talking. Cuban has been fined more than any other owner in NBA history. If he were to become a part of the Mets organization, would this behavior continue? The players have already had to deal with numerous off-the-field controversies. (Frankie Knuckles, Madoff's Millions, etc.) Would they have to answer for their new co-owner as well?

Will Mark Cuban unleash his telekinetic powers on the Wilpons in an effort to purchase a share of the Mets?

The Dallas Mavericks have never won a championship since Mark Cuban bought the team in January of 2000. However, they have registered ten consecutive 50-win seasons (the all-time NBA record is 12) and have won three division titles, reached the Western Conference Finals twice and made one trip to the NBA Finals. That's a lot more than the Mets can claim since Fred Wilpon bought Nelson Doubleday's share of the Mets in 2002. Since then, the Mets have only made one playoff appearance (2006) and have finished with a losing record five times.

In a perfect world, Cuban would become an owner of the Mets, allowing the Wilpons to deal with their problems, while coming up with the capital needed for Sandy Alderson to bring in the talent necessary to compete in the National League. Of course, we live in a less-than-perfect world, one where a certain player remains on the team to pick up that ever-elusive fourth victory in the third year of a $36 million contract.

Eventually the Wilpons will find a buyer that will dole out approximately $200 million for a share of the Mets. Should Mark Cuban be that buyer? Judging by how he brought the Dallas Mavericks back from Moribund Central (ten consecutive losing seasons in the '90s) to the rarefied air of the NBA's elite, perhaps a maverick owner is just what the Mets need.

Mets "Catch" A Break By Signing Willie Harris

Willie Harris. The name alone is enough to make Mets fans sick to their stomachs. For years, he has been a constant thorn in the Mets' collective sides. Whether making a highlight reel catch in a late inning pressure situation or delivering a key base hit, Harris has been directly responsible for a number of Met losses since 2007.

Therefore, it is with great pleasure that we announce that Willie Harris will not be making any rally-killing catches or producing timely hits against the Mets in 2011. No, he did not retire from baseball to walk the Earth (you know, like Caine in Kung Fu). Willie Harris is now property of the New York Mets.

According to ESPNNewYork.com, the man who played the outfield against the Mets like a modern-day Garry Maddox, will now be doing so for his former enemies. Willie Harris has signed a minor league deal with the Mets and will be invited to Spring Training. He is a clear favorite to become the club's fourth outfielder, providing excellent defense and versatility not seen in the Mets' outfield since the days of Endy Chavez at Shea Stadium.

Harris first became a nemesis to the Mets in 2007, when as a member of the Atlanta Braves, he robbed Carlos Delgado of a potential game-tying home run in the ninth inning. The catch allowed the Braves to hold on to the lead in a game they eventually won 7-6. It was one of many "what might have been" games for the Mets in their infamous 2007 season.

The following season, Harris was a member of the Washington Nationals when he arrived at Shea Stadium for an afternoon tilt against the Mets. Mike Pelfrey carried a no-hitter into the seventh inning, but the Mets were putting up zeroes on the board as well.

Washington scored a run in the eighth inning to go up 1-0, which was the score when the Mets came up to bat in the ninth inning. After Carlos Beltran led off the inning with a single, Ryan Church sliced a ball down the left field line that had extra-base hit written all over it. Of course, left field is Willie Harris territory, and he made the spectacular diving catch to preserve the Nats' victory.


The fielding trifecta was made complete this past season, as Willie Harris brought his defensive skills over from Shea Stadium to Citi Field. On April 10, the Mets were rallying against the Nationals. They were down 4-3 with two outs in the bottom of the ninth inning and had the bases loaded for April übermensch Rod Barajas. The Mets' catcher lined a ball to left field that looked like a game-winning base hit.

Um, no. I'll let the photo below describe what happened.


Despite the fact that Willie Harris is a career .159 batter against the Mets, he doesn't just put on his Mets-killer shoes on defense. On July 3, 2010, he helped defeat the Mets with the bat as well.

The Mets were ahead 5-3 going to the bottom of the ninth inning at Nationals Park. Francisco Rodriguez (in his pre-Frankie Knuckles days) was on the mound with one out and a runner on second base. Willie Harris came up to bat as the tying run.

No, he didn't hit a homer (D'oh!), but he did smoke a line drive single to right. He later came around to score the tying run in a game the Mets eventually lost 6-5.


So now Willie Harris is a Met, and stands a good chance to win the fourth outfielder's job out of Spring Training. The staff at Studious Metsimus is torn about how to react to this news. We'll now have to cheer Harris when he takes the field for the Mets after years of hating the ground he walked on.

Harris is hated even more in the Studious Metsimus offices because of one particular fact. We were present for all four games mentioned above, including the game in Washington where his bat did the talking.

Will we attend any games at Citi Field this year when Harris makes a spectacular play? We sure hope so. After all, he owes us for four years of dashed hopes. Of course, with our luck he'll probably do something like this (see photos below) when we see him in person.



Willie Harris is now property of the New York Mets. Maybe he'll be Citi Field's version of Endy Chavez. At the very least, he won't be breaking our hearts (hopefully) in the ninth inning of ballgames.

Mr. Harris, we hope you brought your "Catch-22" glove with you to Flushing. If not, the same fans that booed you when you wore the uniforms of the Braves and Nationals will do the same when you're in orange and blue.

How Will Frankie Knuckles Feed His Children?

Frankie Knuckles (the closer formerly known as Francisco Rodriguez) settled his grievance with the Mets earlier today. In doing so, the rest of Frankie's contract will remain guaranteed, but the Mets will not have to pay him the $3,142,076 that he would have earned from August 11 (the date of the "alleged" beatdown he laid on his never-to-be father-in-law) until the end of the season.

A remorseful K-Rod once again apologized for the incident and acknowledged that his fisticuffs led to the thumb injury that put him on the disabled list.

Frankie is due to earn $11.5 million next season. The Mets also hold a $17.5 million option for 2012, with a $3.5 million buyout. Of course, that all depends on whether Frankie is wearing a Mets uniform or an orange jumpsuit, although the Daily News is reporting that the two sides in the criminal case against K-Rod are discussing a settlement.

Regardless of what happens in this case, this much is certain. Frankie Knuckles is out $3.1 million for this season. He will also either lose his freedom or be forced to hand over a large chunk of change to the grandfather of his children. That's a lot of green that the man in red sunglasses will have to give up.

Perhaps he should talk to former Knicks All-Star Latrell Sprewell. They seem to have quite a bit in common.

On December 1, 1997, Sprewell was also involved in an at-the-workplace altercation when he choked his coach, P.J. Carlesimo, during a practice session with the Golden State Warriors (his team at the time). The Warriors tried to void the rest of his contract, but an arbitrator disallowed the action. The NBA did suspend Sprewell for the remainder of the season, which amounted to 68 games.

Sprewell was later traded to the Knicks, where he played from 1999-2003. After the Knicks traded him to the Minnesota Timberwolves in 2003, Sprewell went on to help the Timberwolves reach the Western Conference Finals for the first time in franchise history, where they eventually fell to the Lakers.

Of course, when the Timberwolves attempted to give a three-year, $21 million contract extension to Sprewell, he was not at all pleased with the "small amount of money" being offered to him, famously proclaiming to the media that he had a family to feed.

Sprewell's NBA career ended in 2005 when he played his last game for the Timberwolves. Since then, Sprewell has been involved in numerous lawsuits and his homes in Milwaukee and Westchester County have been foreclosed.

For Sprewell, it all started with one act of violence. Then everything spiraled out of control and he now leads a ruined life full of financial trouble.

Frankie Knuckles can still get his life and career back together. Today's statement of regret and promise to turn his life around must be more than just words to get back on the good graces of the media, the Mets and their fans.

If Frankie can't carry out the promise he made today, then he can forget about feeding his children. He'll have a hard enough time figuring out how to feed himself with all the problems that will rain down upon him.

If he can keep his hands on the baseball and not on the faces of family members, then perhaps there is hope for the man we call Frankie Knuckles. Unfortunately, for some athletes, that's easier said than done.

What If Roy Halladay Had Been Traded To The Mets?

In Game 1 of the National League Division Series, played Wednesday between Philadelphia and Cincinnati at Citizens Bank Park, Roy Halladay did what no other National League pitcher had ever accomplished in a postseason game. He held the opposition hitless. The masterful 104-pitch performance helped the Phillies take a 1-0 series lead over the Reds.

The former (and perhaps soon-to-be) Cy Young Award winner had pitched for the Blue Jays from 1998-2009 without ever sniffing the playoffs. If he had any butterflies churning in his stomach before his first postseason start for the Phillies on Wednesday, they certainly did nothing to prevent him from making history.

Ever since the Phillies acquired him via a trade with Toronto, Halladay has been nothing short of brilliant. He led the league with 21 victories in his first National League season and pitched a perfect game against the Florida Marlins in May.

But what if Omar Minaya had swung a deal with the Blue Jays to acquire Halladay before the Phillies did? Would it have been the Mets playing in October and not the Phillies? A quick look at Mets history should provide us with the answer.


Had Omar Minaya acquired Halladay, the bearded righty would have succumbed to an injury in May. Needing his leadership on the mound, the Mets would have rushed him back to the rotation (especially since the longer he stayed out of the rotation, the better chance that Jerry Manuel would have given Oliver Perez another chance to start). That would have led to a period of ineffective starts, which would have also included key losses to the Phillies and Braves.

Once Halladay righted his ship, Dead Manuel Walking would have tried to save his pitcher from overexerting himself by removing him from games after a number of seven-inning, 90-pitch efforts. Since the Mets never had quite the firepower found in the Phillies' offense, Halladay would have found himself leaving games with small leads that Frankie Kunckles would eventually give up.

Therefore, had Halladay been a Met, he still would have had a good season, but he would have led the league in no-decisions. He also would never have pitched a no-hitter or perfect game because signing with the Mets automatically prevents any pitcher from ever throwing one.

Perhaps it's for the better that Omar Minaya didn't trade for Roy Halladay. For one thing, we might never have seen R.A. Dickey become the quality starter he became. (You can ignore the fact that Dickey lost his only head-to-head matchup against Halladay at Citizens Bank Park on August 8). Also, it is a well-known fact that bearded players don't do well in blue and orange. Just ask Jeff Reardon.

Face it, Mets fans. Roy Halladay was never going to become a Met. Neither was Cliff Lee last season at the trade deadline. Neither was Roy Oswalt at this year's trade deadline. They all went to the Phillies because our now ex-general manager didn't have the clout he thought he once had.

Five years ago, Omar Minaya could just show up at any star player's door and say "if you can live with the fact that I say 'that being said' every other sentence, then I can give you more years and more money than anyone else is willing to give you." Now, players stay away from Flushing like if it had blue and orange cooties.

Jason Bay came to New York last year because no one else was willing to give him the exorbitant deal the Mets gave him, not because of Omar Minaya. The bottom line is that Omar Minaya couldn't give players what Phillies' GM Ruben Amaro Jr. could, and that was the promise that his team would be successful.

The Phillies have become one of the best teams in recent memory, while the Mets have become the team no one wants to play for. Roy Halladay is lucky the Phillies traded for him. Had he been a Met, he'd be trying to leave through the same door that Omar Minaya and Jerry Manuel used on Monday.

$#*! My Closer Says

Yesterday was Hump Day for the rest of us, but it was Chump Day in a Queens court, as Frankie Knuckles (the closer formerly known as Francisco Rodriguez) appeared to face seven counts of criminal contempt charges.

The charges, stemming from 56 text messages sent by Mr. Knuckles to the mother of his two kids, were added to his original plethora of charges from the incident at Citi Field on August 11, when Mr. Knuckles foolishly assumed that the 11th was "Beat Your Dad-In-Law At Work Day".

In a not-so-stunning revelation to all except Omar Minaya, who claimed that he knew nothing about it, according to the Daily News, Mr. Knuckles allegedly assaulted his girlfriend five years ago in Venezuela, sending her to the hospital. The Assistant District Attorney brought forth Mr. Knuckles' past in an effort to show his history of violence.

Apparently, his fist pumps after recording the final out of his team's victories weren't just celebratory gestures. Whereas hitters would take batting practice to hone their hitting skills, Frankie Knuckles would pump his fist in what could only be called "battery practice".

After his arrest in August for using his fists, he decided to use his thumbs instead to get at the woman he "loves". The following are excerpts from Mr. Knuckles' texts to his girlfriend, Daian Peña:

"Thank you for sinking me and turning your back."

"Now I see you were with me because of the money."

"Your parents have what they have because of me."

"What are you going to tell the children when they grow up and we have nothing after you accused me and destroyed my career?"

So a man can be paid big bucks to play a child's game, but all the money in the world can't cause that man to stop behaving like a child. It was made clear to Mr. Knuckles that he was NOT to contact Miss Peña after his arrest. Apprently, he forgot this court-ordered decision 56 times!

Frankie Knuckles should never wear a Mets uniform again for the embarrassment he has caused to the team and its fans. If he is convicted of any or all of the charges brought forth against him, he should never wear any major league uniform.

Despite all of this, maybe we can cut a deal with him. He can give the Mets back the millions of dollars he is owed for 2011 and they can use it on a player that might actually contribute positively to the team and to the community. In return, the Mets will let him keep the orange part of the blue and orange uniform he used to wear in Flushing. He can even upgrade his uniform number from 75 to 007557.

I've heard there are plenty of catchers to choose from for pitchers in the pen. Maybe Mr. Knuckles will find a compatible battery mate on his new team.

Good riddance to Frankie Knuckles!

Missing Inaction - Please Help Oliver Perez Find Himself

Hello. This is Oliver Perez. Since I haven't been doing much, other than perfecting my sunflower seed spitting technique in the bullpen, I figured I'd try something new where my natural talents wouldn't be wasted. Therefore, I will be blogging for Studious Metsimus because all that time alone in the bullpen has made me pensive.

You see, I make $12 million a year. That alone should make the team want to use me. I'm young, have great "stuff" and have always been able to keep opposing hitters off-balance. So why doesn't Jerry Manuel want to bring me into a ballgame anymore?

I was considering putting my face on a "have you seen me?" flyer and passing them out near Citi Field, but on the first day I tried this, a man walked up to me, took a flyer, studied it carefully, then proceeded to use it to clean up after his dog.


I didn't have that much of a problem with that. After all, New York City law requires dog owners to clean up after their dogs or they could face a $100 fine. A hundred smackers was probably a lot of money for the man who took my flyer. (I wouldn't know since I make $12 million a year.) Therefore, he probably did the right thing by using the picture of my face as a toilet for his pup.

After that failed attempt at trying to decipher where I've been recently, I decided to enlist the military. I had heard they were hard at work trying to find Osama Bin Laden, so I figured I'd recruit them to determine my whereabouts so they could let Jerry Manuel know the next time he needed to warm up a pitcher in the bullpen.

But when I entered the recruiting location, I was immediately apprehended. When I asked why they were detaining me, they said I was carrying a Weapon of Mets Destruction. I denied their accusation vehemently, saying that it was Omar Minaya and the Wilpons they should be looking for, not me. It took many hours of convincing, but I finally got them to release me from their custody. Speaking of releasing, I passed by this sign on the way out of the recruiting center.

I would have asked what they meant by it, but I vaguely remember while I was in their custody one of them whispering softly into my ear, saying "don't ask, don't tell." After he gave me the full body cavity search, I decided that I wasn't going to do any asking for the rest of my time there. That included asking the significance of the sign.

Since ordinary citizens wouldn't help me and the ones we're counting on to protect our country wouldn't either, I decided to pose my question to a higher authority and went to church.

I went into the confessional, took one last nervous bite from the ball I had brought with me and proceeded to tell my story to the priest.

After I bared my soul to him, he told me to get out of his church and never show my face there again. He claimed I was asking for a miracle and that I had already been granted one when I signed the three-year deal with the Mets prior to the 2009 season.

Once again, I left a place where I thought I was going to get help, only to be rejected by those I had sought for guidance. I didn't even notice the sign outside the church before I entered but I couldn't help but notice it on my way out.

So there I was, at the end of my rope. My manager didn't want to use me as a starter and would rather use Manny Acosta to protect a one-run lead in the 14th inning of a road game against the Houston Astros. I hadn't pitched since August 1, when I gave up four runs in two innings of work against the Arizona Diamondbacks. The fans were treating me like I was the reincarnation of Doug Sisk. [Editor's note to Oliver Perez: Doug Sisk is still alive. Therefore, you cannot be his reincarnation. You're just another washed-up pitcher in denial that your skills have left you faster than David Caruso left NYPD Blue.]

I haven't been loved since...actually, I don't remember ever being loved at all. That makes me angry. Really angry. So angry I could...

Wait a minute. That's it!

Fellow reliever Francisco Rodriguez (a.k.a. Frankie Knuckles) has also not been seen near the mound in quite some time. He's living life just like me, as an outcast making an average of $12 million annually in the second season of a three-year contract. We have more in common than I ever thought possible!

I've been beaten down by dog-walkers, sweet-talking soldiers and Father Murphy. Maybe it's time I do some beating down of my own!

Therefore, I will proudly pump my left fist in the air, while joining forces with my teammate, beating down anyone who gets in our way. We've have it with all the abuse we've taken. Now it's time to dish out some pain of our own.

If the Mets aren't going to allow either of us to take the mound, then we'll take center stage somewhere else.

The team of Frankie Knuckles and El Perez-idente is leaving your precious overused bullpen (except when it came to us) and will next be seen in a ring near you, as members of Lucha Libre!

You have already seen Frankie put his knuckles to use last week at Citi Field when his girlfriend's father pushed him a little too far. Have you forgotten the days when I used to hop high into the air whenever I crossed the foul line? Those jumps and leg kicks weren't just for show. Now I'll be using them in the ring against all those who dare mock me.

Dog-walkers? Prepare to be kicked into submission. Fathers-in-law? You'll never escape the fists of fury.

The team of Frankie Knuckles and El Perez-idente will be coming to a town near you. You can run. You can hide. You can even go where we'd least expect to see you; at Citi Field. But no matter where you go and no matter what you do, you will never be able to escape the Masked Mets.

You've booed us, you're rejected us, you've made us feel uglier than George Foster in drag. Now you're going to get what's coming to you. Be afraid, Mets fans. Be very afraid.

Disclaimer: This blog was sponsored by the people (all one of them) who believe Oliver Perez Is an Underappreciated Met or O.P.I.U.M. for short. The views of the writer do not represent the views of Studious Metsimus. If they did, Studious Metsimus would lose a lot of its readers.