Song Parody: Turner Pie

On Tuesday night at Citi Field, the Mets scored two runs off Mariano Rivera in the bottom of the ninth to walk off with an unexpected victory.  The winning run was driven in by Lucas Duda, who sacrficed his bat for the decisive RBI single.

As has become custom for the Mets following a walk-off victory at Citi Field, Duda became Soupy Sales after the win, taking not one, but two pies to the face courtesy of Ruben Tejada and the pie-father himself, Justin Turner.

Justin Turner has made it clear to his teammates that if they are responsible for a thrilling walk-off victory, a congratulatory pie in the face is warranted.  On that note, I think a parody based on a song by late '80/early '90s hair band, Warrant, is in order. (See what I did there?)

In 1990, Warrant used several baseball references in their top ten smash, "Cherry Pie".  Now it's Justin Turner who is smashing pies on the faces of his fellow baseball players.  Ladies and gentle-Mets, here is my own smash hit inspired by Justin Turner's literal smash hits.  This song parody is called "Turner Pie".

Here’s my Turner pie
Cool Whip for walk-offs
Right into your eyes
Tastes so good
Even Burkhardt would try
Sweet Turner pie

Swingin’ for the Pepsi Porch
Swingin’ till it’s gone
Swingin’ for a walk-off
Sendin’ everybody home
Swingin’ toward left field
Swingin’ toward right
If I see a good fastball
I’ll swing all night, yeah

Swingin’ till I make it boom
Swingin’ cause I’m itchin’
Most pitchers don’t
‘Cause they’re too busy pitchin’
Pitch it in there
‘Cause I want to see your heater
But you mixed in a hanger
That’s uglier than Jeter

I scream, you scream
We all scream harder
Don’t even run
From the Mets’ pie-father

Here’s my Turner pie
Cool Whip for walk-offs
Right into your eyes
Tastes so good
Even Burkhardt would try
Sweet Turner pie (oh yeah)
Here’s my Turner pie
Smothered on your face
In your eyes
Looks so good
When it’s on SNY
Sweet Turner pie

Swingin’ (not a bunt)
Swingin’ (it went far)
Swingin’ for a place
That is out of the yard
Ain’t got a strikeout
Ain’t got a free pass
But I’ll get that Cool Whip
If I drive ‘em in last

I scream, you scream
We all scream harder
Don’t even run
From the Mets’ pie-father

Here’s my Turner pie
Cool Whip for walk-offs
Right into your eyes
Tastes so good
Even Burkhardt would try
Sweet Turner pie (oh yeah)
Here’s a Turner pie
Smothered on your face
In your eyes
Looks so good
When it’s on SNY
Sweet Turner pie

Swing it!
Walk-off run!
Swing it!

Swingin’ for the Shea Bridge
Swingin’ so we score
Swingin’ so hard
We’re not takin’ ball four
In walks Duda
Standin’ six-foot-fo’
He said “I ain’t ‘fraid to swing
At that Yankee named Mo.”

Here’s my Turner pie
Cool Whip for walk-offs
Right into your eyes
Tastes so good
Even Burkhardt would try
Sweet Turner pie (oh yeah)
Here’s my Turner pie
Smothered on your face
In your eyes
Looks so good
When it’s on SNY
Sweet Turner pie
Sweet Turner pie!

Swing it!

Q & A Highlights With Sandy Alderson & Pals

On Wednesday night, the Studious Metsimus staff was invited to attend a special Q & A session for Mets season ticket holders at Citi Field.  Master of ceremonies Kevin Burkhardt was there, as well as general manager Sandy Alderson and his merry men (from left to right - John Ricco, Paul DePodesta and J.P. Ricciardi).

For 45 minutes, the front office foursome fielded questions from the audience, which included yours truly, Studious Metsimus roving reporter/culinary expert Joey Beartran, and my Gal For All Seasons (The Coop).

Kevin Burkhardt began the session by introducing the four members of the Mets' front office, then gave the floor to Sandy Alderson.  Alderson opened the evening's events with a thoughtful and well-rehearsed monologue, which included this zinger after he started to discuss the state of the bullpen as it currently stands:

"I'm not sure how we can end up with a not-improved bullpen."




Alderson and his Super Best Friends tackled a rapid barrage of questions from concerned season ticket holders.  From questions about the outfield to how long it was taking for the team to improve to a shocker about whose idea it was not to spend exorbitant amounts of money during the off-season, the members of the front office did not shy away from any of the fans' questions.

When asked about the reason why it's taking so long for the team to be competitive, Alderson said that he doesn't want to buy, buy, buy just to satisfy the short-term needs of the team.  He summarized by saying:

"We don't want to be there one year and gone the next."




A concerned fan asked Alderson why the team is still unwilling to spend money, to which the general manager gave an unexpected answer:

"The reason we haven't spent the money is not because of Fred Wilpon or Saul Katz.  It's because of me."






Of course, one of the hot topics of the evening was the status of the Mets' outfield.  In responding to one fan's question on the outfield, Alderson said the team created a list of all available outfielders that they would consider.  Entering this week, only two outfielders remained on that list.  One was Michael Bourn, who Alderson admitted would not become a Met if the team was forced to give up its 11th pick in next year's amateur draft.  The other was just signed by the Yankees.  Who was that coveted outfielder?  Sandy, take it away!

"Juan Rivera"




Yup, you heard him right.  Apparently, Juan Rivera was on the shrinking list of outfielders the Mets were considering.  That's the same Juan Rivera who hasn't had a productive season since 2009.  Kinda sounds like Jason Bay.

It wasn't just a Sandy Party at the Q & A session.  His three assistants/associates/yes men also got a chance to field questions.  They were asked which players they were excited to see in spring training that might be flying under the radar.  Their responses?

J.P. Ricciardi

"Jack Leathersich.  He reminds me of Josh Edgin ... he struck out well over a batter per inning last year at two minor league levels."

Paul DePodesta

"Rafael Montero.  He can throw 92 or 93 [miles per hour], but if there's a guy on second base and two outs, he can throw 95.  Also, 70% of his pitches went for strikes.  The major league average is in the low 60s."

John Ricco

"Collin Cowgill.  T.C. [Terry Collins] will like him.  He can play all three outfield positions.  Zzzzzzzzz."







I don't know what to think of Ricciardi's assessment of Leathersich.  He says Leathersich reminds him of a pitcher who had a 4.56 ERA with the Mets in 2012 and allowed a homer every five innings he pitched.  I'd like someone a little better than that in my bullpen, please.

DePodesta painted an impressive picture of Montero.  It's too bad he's due to begin the season at AA-Binghamton.  He might not make an impact at the major league level until 2014. 

As for Ricco's "review" of Cowgill ... uh ...he didn't exactly say much or give us anything to get excited about.  Then again, he looked a little like the fifth Beatle when he was up on stage, perhaps wondering what his former crony, Omar Minaya, was up to.  Then he fell asleep.

Finally, my Gal For All Seasons got to ask her question.  She asked Alderson what the status of Dillon Gee was, especially considering that he was shut down early in 2012 and that very little news of his recovery effort has been documented in the media.  Alderson made her and the audience smile when he said:

 "We're very confident that he's going to be ready to go, that he'll be on the staff on Opening Day."




Sandy Alderson, John Ricco, Paul DePodesta and J.P. Ricciardi were forthright in their responses to some difficult questions by the fans.  They did not hide from any of the questions and seemed to create a positive buzz for the team when the night was over.

After the session was over, the foursome posed for pictures and had one-on-one conversations with various members of the audience (myself included).  Alderson admitted to me that he does read Mets blogs, but usually sticks to ones that are well-researched (ahem).  He was not a fan of Mets blogs written by people who speak negatively of the team and its operations without backing up their claims.

He then posed for one photo with a certain member of the Studious Metsimus staff.  Upon taking the photo, he gulped and said "I'm sure this is going to go viral."

The Studious Metsimus staff would like to thank Sandy Alderson and his Super Best Friends for sharing part of their evening with the fans.  Now it's up to them to put together a team we can all be thankful for.

The Real Reason Why The Mets Should Bring Back Scott Hairston

Earlier this week, I wrote a humor piece on the real reason why the Yankees want Scott Hairston.  Today, I felt like shifting gears.  The Yankees may secretly want Scott Hairston because they still long for Joe Torre, or someone who looks like him, but the Mets should make no secret about why they should re-sign Scott Hairston.  All they have to do is read their team history books for the reason why.

This site has reported in the past that Scott Hairston set a team record by finishing the season with at least 20 homers and 20 doubles in only 377 at-bats.  Only Mike Piazza had reached the 20/20 mark in both figures in fewer than 400 at-bats prior to Hairston.  (Piazza accomplished the feat in 1998 when he compiled 394 at-bats after his trade to the Mets.)

Hairston's record came on the heels of a 2011 season in which he collected 16 extra-base hits (eight doubles, one triple, seven home runs) in 132 at-bats.  With 48 extra-base hits in 2012 (25 doubles, three triples, 20 homers), Hairston now has accumulated 64 extra-base hits in only 509 at-bats as a Met, meaning he's collected an extra-base hit in 12.57% of his at-bats.

That got me thinking.  How many other Mets players over the years have gotten an extra-base hit in at least 10% of their at-bats?  Not many.  And who has the highest percentage?  I think you can figure that out by the title of this post.

 

Player	Extra-Base Hits	At-Bats	Percentage
Scott Hairston	64	509	12.57%
Mike Cameron	98	801	12.23%
Darryl Strawberry	469	3903	12.02%
Carlos Beltran	374	3133	11.94%
Mike Piazza	415	3478	11.93%
Carlos Delgado	207	1754	11.80%
David Wright	545	4742	11.49%
Bobby Bonilla	201	1779	11.30%
Rico Brogna	89	814	10.93%
Jose Valentin	60	550	10.91%
Ike Davis	127	1171	10.85%
Cliff Floyd	178	1643	10.83%
Bernard Gilkey	146	1353	10.79%
Howard Johnson	424	3968	10.69%
John Olerud	177	1662	10.65%
Ramon Castro	74	701	10.56%
Robin Ventura	159	1513	10.51%
Ty Wigginton	104	1001	10.39%

Only 18 players in team history (min. 500 at-bats) have collected an extra-base hit in at least 10% of their at-bats.  Some of the team's all-time greats are there (Darryl Strawberry, Carlos Beltran, Mike Piazza, Howard Johnson), as is one of the team's least popular players (Bobby Bonilla).  In addition, there are fan-favorites who had short careers in New York (Rico Brogna, John Olerud, Ty Wigginton), as well as current players (David Wright, Ike Davis).

All of those players were exceptional when it came to getting extra-base hits in a Mets uniform.  And all of those players have a lower percentage than the team's all-time leader in extra-base hit percentage, Scott Hairston.

When some of the team's greatest hitters such as Jose Reyes (402 XBH in 4,453 AB), Edgardo Alfonzo (346 XBH in 3,897 AB), Cleon Jones (308 XBH in 4,223 AB) and Keith Hernandez (249 XBH in 3,164 AB) fail to make this type of list, you can imagine how exclusive it is.

The numbers don't lie.  No player in Mets history with at least 500 at-bats has given the team a better chance at collecting an extra-base hit than Scott Hairston.

And yet despite this, the Mets are reluctant to offer Hairston anything more than a one-year deal, even though Kevin Burkhardt believes that all it would take to bring Hairston back is a two-year, $9 million deal.  That's not a lot of money or commitment to a 32-year-old who's clearly one of the team's best right-handed power threats, along with the recently signed David Wright (who, in case the team has already forgotten, required $129 million more than Hairston would to stay in New York).

Sandy Alderson recently said at the Winter Meetings that the team is in need of more power at the plate.  He doesn't have to look very far to find it.  His power source has been wearing No. 12 for the Mets each of the past two seasons, stroking extra-base hits at a rate that no Met has ever reached before him.

The Studious Metsimus/My Summer Family World Tour Invades Baltimore

As some of you may know, the owners/creators/grounds crew of Studious Metsimus and the more superior Mets blog, My Summer Family, spent the weekend in Merry-Land, cheering the Mets on to victory over the Baltimore Orioles.

In the land of crab cakes, crab pretzels and all things crabby, the Mets eschewed the broom for a mallet as they won all three games from the O-no-rioles.

The sweep represented the first consecutive road victories for the Mets since they won the last two games of their series against the Houston Astros last July 25 and 26. It was also their first road sweep since taking three games from the Milwaukee Brewers at Miller Park (LESS FILLING! TASTES GREAT!) in early September 2008.

Let's give you a photo recap of some of the more memorable moments of the Studious Metsimus/My Summer Family World Tour as it made its way into Charm City.

We reached Oriole Park at Camden Yards in the early afternoon and felt like we were at home. Some of this had to do with the fact that the exterior of the ballpark (colors, bricks) reminded us of Citi Field, but most of it was because of the abundance of Mets fans who made their way into Baltimore for the series. At one point, we even overheard some traffic cops at an intersection saying "for every Orioles fan I see, there seem to be ten Mets fans." They weren't kidding. Mets fans were EVERYWHERE!

Numerous Mets players were on the field, either stretching or taking batting practice. Our cameras were out in full force capturing the pre-game action, as you will see below (clockwise from top left: Pedro Feliciano stretching in the outfield; the players running off the field; hitting coach Howard Johnson walking into the dugout; Johan Santana saluting the fans).




After taking two close games on Friday and Saturday, winning by the final scores of 5-1 and 3-1, respectively, the Mets' bats came alive in the series finale on Sunday, pounding out 18 hits in their 11-4 thrashing of the Orioles.

The offensive explosion by the Mets was good enough to elicit these smiles from the headliners of the Studious Metsimus/My Summer Family World Tour (from left to right, Joey's Colleague, Joey and The Coop).

Of course, no post on the ongoing tour would be complete without a special edition of Joey's Soapbox. Here to share his Camden Yards experience with you is my colleague, Joey Beartran.

JOEY'S SOAPBOX JOEY'S SOAPBOX JOEY'S SOAPBOX JOEY'S SOAPBOX

Joey's Soapbox

Thank you for the kind introduction, o esteemed Studious Metsimus colleague. Of course, by now most of our readers looking for my segment have probably left to pursue other reading interests. Or maybe they're watching the Mets game. For those SMFs who are still here, welcome to the latest installment of Joey's Soapbox.

As you can see from the photo above, I was invited to join the World Tour as it invaded Baltimore. Our tour bus dropped us off in the sweltering downtown Baltimore area, making me regret the fact that I was still wearing my long-sleeved Mets hoodie.

No matter. Joey Beartran was in town and I wasn't leaving without a victory or three. Next stop, Oriole Park at Camden Yards, which was just an Ike Davis blast away from Baltimore's Inner Harbor. (But first, we had to make a pit stop for food. Even bear bloggers have to eat sometime.)

I was amazed to see how friendly all the people were in the town known as Charm City. Even restaurants welcomed us on their blackboards (see photo, right). They must have known that we were going to review them in a blog so they went all out to impress us.

However, for all the effort they put into welcoming our entourage with their Mid-Atlantic hospitality, they forgot the most important thing. Two words. GENEROUS PORTIONS. I mean, look at the photo below.

That picture was taken before I had taken a bite. What were they trying to do? Give me one french fry for every win the Orioles had this year? (That would be 17 fries. Speaking of 17, RETIRE IT!) Needless to say, I will slightly disappointed with this aspect of the Tour De Baltimore.

After the snack that was supposed to be my dinner, we made it to the ballpark, where I made sure that my presence was felt.



Since my dinner/snack hadn't filled me up, at first glance I thought the sign above said "Home of The Oreos". Again, I was disappointed.

Not all was lost. While walking around the concourse level near Eutaw St. (that's the street where the warehouse behind the right field area is located), I ran into the Mets' SNY/WPIX roving reporter, Kevin Burkhardt (see photo, below left). I also found out what he does when he's not on camera (see photo, below right).



Kevin was very gracious by posing with me twice. Mad props go out to KB for helping to make my Baltimore experience more pleasurable. (Note to our readers: I apologize to those who can't see what the front of the cow costume says because I was blocking it in the shot. It actually says "EAT MOR CHIKIN", which is the intentionally misspelled slogan for Chick-fil-A. I wouldn't have blocked it had it said "EAT MORE CHICKEN NACHOS".)

Next, it was time to get to the field level. I must say, the ushers/security at Camden Yards were much more accommodating than the ones at Citi Field. They let me climb the foul pole and sit on top of the Mets dugout while the team was taking batting practice. Not once did they ask me to move (see photos below). Can you imagine that happening at Citi Field?



Oriole Park at Camden Yards may not have the great food selection that Citi Field has. The same can be said for the restaurants surrounding the ballpark. However, one thing is for sure. If you want to travel anywhere in the country to feast on bad pitching, then Baltimore is the place to be.

The Mets outscored the Orioles in the three-game series by thirteen runs (19-6) and never trailed in any of the three games. The team did so well on the field that they didn't even notice when I tried to get on it.

Hats off to the Orioles and their fans (all three of them) for providing me with a great weekend getaway. The Mets also helped in my weekend experience by proving that they can indeed win on the road, making future stops on the Studious Metsimus/My Summer Family World Tour far more than just a dining experience for me. Now, in addition to sampling the local fare at every stop the Tour makes, we might be sampling a victory or three.

On behalf of my Studious Metsimus colleague and the lovely My Summer Family hostess, I'd like to thank you for being a part of our World Tour. Which city will we invade next? For that, you'll have to keep reading Studious Metsimus. Until then, this is Joey Beartran, reminding you to EAT MOR CHIKIN NACHOS. (Just don't eat mine!)