Frankie Rodriguez vs. Steven Slater: Fight or Flight

By now you've probably heard the disturbing news. After a frustrating moment turned to anger, a regrettable act happened at the workplace, leading to an arrest.

Of course, I could be talking about Mets closer Frankie Rodriguez or I could be talking about Jet Blue flight attendant Steven Slater. Both men's testosterone levels spiked a little this week.

In the case of K-Rod, he brought out his Frankie Knuckles persona when he assaulted his common law wife's father last night at Citi Field shortly after the Mets' 6-2 defeat at the hands of the Colorado Rockies.

Earlier in the week, veteran flight attendant Slater channeled his inner Howard Beale and went off on a rude passenger on a flight from Pittsburgh to New York. Slater was mad as heck and wasn't going to take it anymore from the unruly passenger so he did what anyone would do when pushed over the edge (provided that "anyone" is a flight attendant on a plane that just landed). He cursed out the passenger and left the plane "Reynolds-style", by deploying the emergency chute and sliding off the plane onto the tarmac. Unfortunately, this time Smokey caught up with the Bandit and Slater was arrested at his Queens home.

Before both men lost their cool and got arrested in Queens, they didn't appear to have much in common. However, through some keen investigative work with my assistant, Detective Google, I have uncovered that both Slater and Frankie Knuckles had far more in common than their temper and the borough where their mug shots were taken. Read on...



Steven Slater: Works for Jet Blue.
Frankie Rodriguez: Works for lovers of Dodger Blue.

Steven Slater: Has lunches with his loving mother.
Frankie Rodriguez: Gives punches to his fiancee's father.

Steven Slater: Shares a last name with a slow "Saved By The Bell" character. (A.C. Slater)
Frankie Rodriguez: Shares a last name with a slow cartoon character. (Slowpoke Rodriguez)



Steven Slater: Takes to the sky after last person is in.
Frankie Rodriguez: Points to the sky after last person is out.

Steven Slater: Consumed by frustration, takes alcohol with him.
Frankie Rodriguez: Frustrates fans, leading to their alcohol consumption.



Steven Slater: Directs people from their seats to the nearest exits in the event of an emergency.
Frankie Rodriguez: Directs people from their seats to Citi Field's exits in the event of a blown save.

Steven Slater: Two words - Anger Management.
Frankie Rodriguez: Three words - Anger With Management.



For all their similarities, there is one thing that's very different between the two men. Steven Slater used his two balls while Frankie Rodriguez just throws them. Had Frankie used his, perhaps he would have just walked away from this situation that will now permanently scar his Mets career.

Frankie Knuckles already knows how to throw balls to walk a batter. Now he's going to learn the hard way that he has to use balls to walk away.

Joey's Soapbox: How To Score Vs. Padres, No Pets At Petco, Mighty Mouse

It might be a beautiful day, but it's ugly inside my head. The Mets continue to lose to inferior teams and now I must release by getting on my soapbox. Today's rants will be about the proper way to score against the Padres, the conundrum that is Petco Park and Mighty Mouse!

How To Score Vs. Padres

Since 2007, the Mets have lost 8 of 9 games at Petco Park. Half of those losses came by one run. Last night's game would have been a one-run loss had Everth Cabrera's walk-off shot stayed in the park. Also, the Mets have scored two runs or less in five of the eight losses. They followed the same script last night when they scored two runs in the first inning and then hit the snooze button for the remaining eight innings, wasting a rare stellar effort by Oliver Perez.

If the Mets want to learn how to score runs against San Diego, all they have to do is study this picture of then-Colorado Rockie Matt Holliday from the 2007 Wild Card play-in game.



Notice the face plant into home plate. Replays showed that Matt Holliday might not have touched home, but the umpire was so impressed with his effort that he was called safe, sending the Rockies into the 2007 playoffs.

The Mets have been showing team solidarity by growing beards. The extra chin fur would give them additional protection when they slide face first into home. If they can get over the fear of French kissing the ground and don't mind removing pebbles caught in their stubble, the Mets might be able to pull out a few more victories at Petco Park.

No Pets At Petco

I find it odd that other than the occasional Dog Day at the Ballpark, there are no pets allowed at Petco Park. How can a ballpark named after a company that has the best interest of pets in mind not allow them to patronize their facility? Does that mean I can't see my Metsies play there?

Let's look up the dictionary definition of "pet" to see what it says:

pet (pet), n.

1. An animal kept for amusement or companionship.
2. An object of the affections.
3. A person especially loved or indulged; a favorite: the teacher's pet

It appears I am a pet. All three definitions apply to me. I believe a boycott of Petco is in order. They won't be able to keep my kind out for long!

Mighty Mouse

I'm not talking about the cartoon character. I'm talking about the Mets' diminutive lefty, Billy Wagner. He is pitching well during his rehab assignment and should be promoted to the Mets at some point during the next homestand. He is also trying to earn a lucrative deal when he becomes a free agent.

Meanwhile, Speedy Gonzalez (Francisco Rodriguez) has been running out of gas after blowing by hitters on the Fastball Expressway. After a brilliant first half, he has been merely mortal, racking up blown save after blown save.


Apparently, the lack of activity since the All-Star Break has caused Frankie to become lazy. He has metamorphosed from Speedy Gonzalez to his cousin, Slowpoke Rodriguez! This change has been responsible for his recent poor outings, including his first back-to-back blown saves as a Met.

I propose that the Mets give Billy Wagner some save opportunities down the stretch. If Frankie is going to continue his downward spiral, then Billy should be given the ball in the ninth inning. After all, who would you trust with the game on the line? Mighty Mouse or Slowpoke Rodriguez?

Final Thoughts

How To Score Vs. Padres: Don't ever shave, Metsies! If you do, it'll just be another excuse for not scoring any runs against the Padres.

No Pets At Petco: What do we want? To see the game! When do we want it? NOW!

Mighty Mouse: Here I come to save the day! So I'll push Slowpoke out of the way!