Injured Player of The Week Award: Week of 8/9-8/15

There is no joking around with this week's recipient of the Injured Player of The Week Award. It goes to a member of the Mets who had stayed healthy all year until his horrific close encounter with a fastball thrown by Giants pitcher Matt Cain. This week's award goes to Mets third baseman David Wright.

Along with Daniel Murphy, Wright had been the only everyday player from the Mets' opening day lineup in Cincinnati who had not missed time due to injuries. However, he will now be missing an undisclosed number of games due to the concussion he suffered during Saturday's 5-4 loss to San Francisco.

Wright will remain at the Hospital For Special Surgery in Manhattan for further observation to determine the severity of the concussion. Fortunately, the CT scan did not reveal any other damage other than the concussion.

It is unfortunate that Matt Cain will not be making another appearance at Citi Field this season. However, Mets fans will always remember his name and are sure to voice their displeasure when he returns to New York in 2010. I hope either Johan Santana or Oliver Perez takes the mound on the day Cain pitches. Johan will surely defend Wright's name with a tight pitch and Ollie would just hit him and say it was his usual bout of wildness.

Get well soon, David. We at ZCB would like this to be the only time you're presented with the IPW Award so that you don't have to look like this when you accept it:

One more word of advice to Matt Cain. Watch yourself the next time you come to New York. A friend of ZCB (and fellow Mets blogger) by the name of Tanya might have a special welcoming party for you. You may end up being a future recipient of the Injured Player of The Week Award if she and her fellow Mets fans have their way with you. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Once again, get well soon, David. Our thoughts and prayers are with you for a quick and complete recovery!

From The ZCB Newsdesk: August 15, 2009

We interrupt the blog that I wasn't yet writing for this special report. I'm Joey Beartran. Now listen to my news.

David Wright was hit in the head by a 94 MPH fastball thrown by Giants' pitcher Matt Cain today. After remaining motionless on the ground for a few minutes, Wright was able to get up under his own power, although he looked dazed and disoriented.

He was later taken to the Hospital For Special Surgery in Manhattan for a CT scan. The results of that scan were negative. However, he suffered a concussion and will remain hospitalized overnight.

Our ZCB news crew attempted to get a video or photo of Wright in the hospital to see if his head has swollen due to the blow it received. They were turned away, but not before they were given this comment by an unnamed hospital administrator:

"Mr. Wright cannot be photographed because the flash bulb would exacerbate his concussion. If you must know what he looks like, please use this as a reference."

Our investigative reporter brought back the item given to him by the hospital administrator, which I will now share with you as a ZCB exclusive photo.


Apparently, David Wright looks fine. This picture does look quite a bit like the David Wright Fathead I have in my Bear Cave. Wait a minute...it is a David Wright Fathead!

Oh, I get it! Wright gets plunked in the head, it swells up and now he resembles a real life Fathead. The hospital administrator has jokes. Hey, so-called ZCB investigative reporter! Did she tell you "I'll be here all week" when you went up to her? That does it. You're fired! Good luck on the unemployment line. Here's a piece of cardboard so you can update your résumé on it.

This has been Joey Beartran at the ZCB Newsdesk and I don't care about the news anymore!

Survival of The Dead: New Romero flick or Mets' September Goal

King of the zombie subgenre of horror movies, George A. Romero (bow before his picture! He is to zombie movies what Keith Hernandez is to mustachioed men!) has announced that the sixth installment of his "Dead" series will make its world premiere at the Toronto Internationl Film Festival in September. "Survival of The Dead" will feature Romero's trademark social commentary hidden beneath the sea of gore and pig intestines.

However, is the title of his new film also appropriate to describe what the Mets have to do as they approach the last month of the 2009 baseball season?

Several players have experienced what were originally classified minor injuries and have turned them into season-long maladies. Carlos Delgado will not be coming back in mid-August as was originally stated. He will be fighting for his next contract from the trainer's table. Jose Reyes has had plenty of time to fidget with his new hairstyle while he has been "recovering" from his injury. Carlos Beltran might be closest to returning, but is it a good thing if he does?

The zombies clearly studied how Luis Castillo makes his way around the bases.

I have a feeling Citi Field was built on a cemetery that did not have the bodies exhumed properly. That could explain two things. First, it could be the reason for the abundance of injuries suffered by the Mets this season. Also, it could explain why it's taken so long for the players to return to full strength, as a zombie bite is not quick to heal.

In fact, if I were Omar Minaya, I'd trade some of the players away before they start to decompose. At least that way, the Mets can get something in return, preferably a player with a pulse. We already got Victor Zombie-rano once. We don't need another similar player.

Victor Zombie-rano would give up homers to everyone, including current Met pitcher Livan Hernandez.

George A. Romero will make zombie fans such as myself giddy with "Survival of the Dead" next month. Let's hope the Mets can survive September as well as they can. It's too bad their season died a long time ago...

ZCB Special Report: David Wright was hit in the head by a 94 MPH fastball thrown by Giants' pitcher Matt Cain. This occurred approximately one hour after this blog was published. Dig up those bodies at Citi Field already! Daniel Murphy is the only one left from the Mets' Opening Day lineup in Cincinnati that hasn't missed time due to injuries.

Joey's Soapbox: How To Score Vs. Padres, No Pets At Petco, Mighty Mouse

It might be a beautiful day, but it's ugly inside my head. The Mets continue to lose to inferior teams and now I must release by getting on my soapbox. Today's rants will be about the proper way to score against the Padres, the conundrum that is Petco Park and Mighty Mouse!

How To Score Vs. Padres

Since 2007, the Mets have lost 8 of 9 games at Petco Park. Half of those losses came by one run. Last night's game would have been a one-run loss had Everth Cabrera's walk-off shot stayed in the park. Also, the Mets have scored two runs or less in five of the eight losses. They followed the same script last night when they scored two runs in the first inning and then hit the snooze button for the remaining eight innings, wasting a rare stellar effort by Oliver Perez.

If the Mets want to learn how to score runs against San Diego, all they have to do is study this picture of then-Colorado Rockie Matt Holliday from the 2007 Wild Card play-in game.



Notice the face plant into home plate. Replays showed that Matt Holliday might not have touched home, but the umpire was so impressed with his effort that he was called safe, sending the Rockies into the 2007 playoffs.

The Mets have been showing team solidarity by growing beards. The extra chin fur would give them additional protection when they slide face first into home. If they can get over the fear of French kissing the ground and don't mind removing pebbles caught in their stubble, the Mets might be able to pull out a few more victories at Petco Park.

No Pets At Petco

I find it odd that other than the occasional Dog Day at the Ballpark, there are no pets allowed at Petco Park. How can a ballpark named after a company that has the best interest of pets in mind not allow them to patronize their facility? Does that mean I can't see my Metsies play there?

Let's look up the dictionary definition of "pet" to see what it says:

pet (pet), n.

1. An animal kept for amusement or companionship.
2. An object of the affections.
3. A person especially loved or indulged; a favorite: the teacher's pet

It appears I am a pet. All three definitions apply to me. I believe a boycott of Petco is in order. They won't be able to keep my kind out for long!

Mighty Mouse

I'm not talking about the cartoon character. I'm talking about the Mets' diminutive lefty, Billy Wagner. He is pitching well during his rehab assignment and should be promoted to the Mets at some point during the next homestand. He is also trying to earn a lucrative deal when he becomes a free agent.

Meanwhile, Speedy Gonzalez (Francisco Rodriguez) has been running out of gas after blowing by hitters on the Fastball Expressway. After a brilliant first half, he has been merely mortal, racking up blown save after blown save.


Apparently, the lack of activity since the All-Star Break has caused Frankie to become lazy. He has metamorphosed from Speedy Gonzalez to his cousin, Slowpoke Rodriguez! This change has been responsible for his recent poor outings, including his first back-to-back blown saves as a Met.

I propose that the Mets give Billy Wagner some save opportunities down the stretch. If Frankie is going to continue his downward spiral, then Billy should be given the ball in the ninth inning. After all, who would you trust with the game on the line? Mighty Mouse or Slowpoke Rodriguez?

Final Thoughts

How To Score Vs. Padres: Don't ever shave, Metsies! If you do, it'll just be another excuse for not scoring any runs against the Padres.

No Pets At Petco: What do we want? To see the game! When do we want it? NOW!

Mighty Mouse: Here I come to save the day! So I'll push Slowpoke out of the way!

Injured Player of The Week Award: Week of 8/1-8/7

The ZCB Injured Player of The Week Award could go to any number of candidates. As usual, there was no shortage of injuries over the past seven days. Let's take a look at this week's nominations:

Luis Castillo: After grounding out on August 4, he took a stumble down the dugout steps, injuring his leg. He has not played since he became acquainted with the dugout floor.

Jonathon Niese: He covered first base awkwardly during a failed attempt to complete a double play on August 5. After throwing his first warmup pitch to test his leg, he collapsed in a heap on the mound. Niese had to be helped off the field and will now miss the rest of the season after suffering a complete tear of his upper right hamstring tendon.

Gary Sheffield: Sheffield hit a line drive off the left field wall at Citi Field on August 5. What appeared to be an easy double turned into a painful single, as Sheffield aggravated the hamstring injury that put him on the 15-day DL in July. Although he has been able to take batting practice, he has not started a game since Wednesday.

So who wins this week's award? Although Luis Castillo's injury gave him a pretty cool nickname (Luis "I now use two hands, but not on the handrail" Castillo), this week's award goes to...

SEAN "NO NECK" GREEN!

In a shocking upset, Sean Green is the recipient of the IPW award. He came into the game on August 4 in the tenth inning. The game was tied 7-7, with the bases loaded and two men out. Mark DeRosa was Green's first batter as Albert PooHoles salivated on deck. One pitch later, DeRosa went ouchie as Green forced in the go-ahead run with a hit batsman. With the bases still loaded, Green was left in the game to pitch to PooHoles, who feasted on an 0-2 pitch by launching it into the left field seats for a grand slam. Green did not watch the pitch leave the ballpark as he has no neck.

Green then forgot about his secret identity as the masked adventurer, Captain Obvious, when he offered this quip to reporters after the game:

"That's not how I had it planned out."

For his achievements in giving Mark DeRosa a boo boo, giving Mets fans a brain cramp and inadvertently revealing his secret identity to the world, ZCB presents Sean Green with the Injured Player of The Week Award. He may not be physically injured right now, but he should be.

Song Parody Time! Bummer in The Citi!

The Lovin' Spoonful was a pop/folk/rock band who had their fifteen minutes of fame in the mid-sixties. Their first single, "Do You Believe In Magic" peaked at #9 in 1965. Their follow-up hit the following year became their first #1 hit and their trademark song.

"Summer In The City" spent three weeks at #1 in August 1966 and has been covered by an eclectic array of acts. Musicians from BB King to Quincy Jones to Joe Cocker have performed versions of the song, as well as bands such as Styx and The Butthole Surfers. Now it's my turn to cover it for ZCB! Here's my latest song parody. This one is called "Bummer In The Citi" and the story behind the song should be self-expanatory if you've followed the Mets this season:

I'm down; bummer in the Citi
Sayin' what the heck as the Mets plays sh*tty
Players down; isn't it a pity?
I'll just blame the injuries on the kitty.

All around, players looking half-dead
Falling down the dugout steps, shaking all of our heads.

For other teams, it's a different world
This team just makes me hurl
Come on, come on, no end in sight
Trainers feeling heat; we're not all right

And Jerry, we all feel your pity
That this craze has us feeling your plight
In the bummer in the Citi
In the bummer in the Citi.

Men down, when they play at Citi
Injured all the time, not lookin' real pretty
Here, cat! Searching for the kitty
The one from the opener that cursed the Citi
Ain't easy but I'm never gonna stop
PETA, I don't care but he's flyin' from the rooftop!

For other teams, it's a different world
This team just makes me hurl
Come on, come on, no end in sight
Trainers feeling heat; we're not all right

And Jerry, we all feel your pity
That this craze has us feeling your plight
In the bummer in the Citi
In the bummer in the Citi.

(Cheesy instrumental break)

I'm down; bummer in the Citi
Sayin' what the heck as the Mets plays sh*tty
Players down; isn't it a pity?
I'll just blame the injuries on the kitty.

All around, players looking half-dead
Falling down the dugout steps, shaking all of our heads.

For other teams, it's a different world
This team just makes me hurl
Come on, come on, no end in sight
Trainers feeling heat; we're not all right

And Jerry, we all feel your pity
That this craze has us feeling your plight
In the bummer in the Citi
In the bummer in the Citi.

The Opening Night Cat Cursed The Mets!

It was April 13, 2009. Citi Field was hosting its first regular season game between the Mets and the Padres. The team was intact and ready to make a run at the division title. The Phillies' two-year reign as National League East champions was going to be a fading memory once the Mets steamrolled over the opposition. A funny thing happened on the way to the coronation. Citi Field had an uninvited guest on Opening Night as a cat found its way onto the field near the Mets dugout.

(Click here for the video of the Opening Night cat at Kitty...I mean Citi Field.)

Now I wouldn't have had a problem if this orange cat had been a crimefighter. If his alter ego was Clark Cat and he worked at a major metropolitan newspaper, then all would be fine. I would have felt safe with him running around on the field. I'd assume he was trying to protect the Mets.



However, this cat was clearly not super in any way. In fact, it may have been related to the cat that supposedly cursed the Chicago Cubs in 1969 at Shea Stadium. At Citi Field, photographers captured the cat as he worked his way onto the warning track near the on-deck circle. Notice the similarities between that picture and the picture of the black cat walking near the Cubs dugout in 1969.












The Citi Field cat ran behind Mets third baseman David Wright as he was on deck. The 1969 black cat walked behind Cubs third baseman Ron Santo as he was on deck. Wright is arguably the best third baseman in Mets history. Similarly, Santo is considered to be the best third baseman in Cubs history. After the black cat made its appearance at Shea, the Cubs went into a freefall as the Mets passed them in the standings and eventually went on to win their first World Series.

The Citi Field cat decided to take a jog on the Mets side of the field. The Mets were healthy before the cat cursed them. Now half the team is getting hurt, both on the field (Niese and Sheffield today) and coming off the field (Luis "I now use two hands, but not on the handrail" Castillo).

Forget the trainers and medical staff employed by the 2009 Mets. The CAT-astrophe that this season has become is all due in part to the events that transpired in the third inning on Opening Night at Citi Field on the 13th of April. (It had to be on the 13th as well!)

Cats have a way of deciding the fate of baseball teams in New York. It's too bad that this particular tabby chose to curse the Mets this season instead of the rest of the National League!

P.S. There is no truth to the rumor that the orange cat that infected the Mets season in 2009 was a zombie, even if this picture says otherwise.

Even Bruce Willis' "Unbreakable" Character Would Get Hurt On This Mets Team

To call the Mets injury-prone this season would be an understatement. Nearly half of the Mets players on the 25-man roster have spent some time on the disabled list. Most of the boo-boos have been traditional baseball injuries that have taken place on the field, such as Carlos Delgado's hip injury and Carlos Beltran's bone bruise. Now the injuries are just becoming freaky.

In the series opener against the Cardinals Tuesday night, Luis Castillo was walking back to the dugout after leading off the seventh inning with a groundout. As he made his way down the dugout steps, he took a tumble and had to be helped back to the trainer's room with what was later diagnosed as a mild sprain of his left ankle. His current status is day-to-day.

Today the Mets sent rookie pitcher Jonathon Niese to the mound. While covering first base in a failed attempt to complete a double play, Niese landed awkwardly. He was allowed to throw warmup pitches on the mound to make sure he could continue pitching. After his first pitch, he crumbled to the ground, agonizingly grabbing his right leg. After lying on the mound for a few minutes, Niese was helped off the field. He did not appear to put any pressure on his right leg as he was carried off the field with what was later diagnosed as a right hamstring strain.

If you recall, Niese was called up to replace Fernando Nieve in the rotation when Nieve got hurt. Nieve was called up to replace J.J. Putz on the roster when Putz got hurt. The Mets are now halfway to six degrees of ankle separation. Nelson Figueroa replaced Niese on the mound in the second inning and later hit a two-run triple in the bottom of the inning. Fortunately, Figgy did not get hurt while legging out his three-base hit.

It's gotten to the point where I truly believe that Bruce Willis' character in the movie "Unbreakable" would get hurt on this team.

If you haven't seen this movie by famed Chubby Checker fan M. Night Shyamalan ("Come on, baby, let's make a movie with a twist."), I'll give you a quick plot summary. Willis plays David Dunn, a security guard from Philadelphia (Boo, Philly!) who is the only survivor of a train crash. Not only does he survive an accident in which everyone else perished, he doesn't have a scratch on his body. He then meets Elijah Price (played by Samuel L. Jackson. The "L" stands for motherf**ker.), a comic book enthusiast who is on the permanent disabled list with osteogenesis imperfecta, a disease that causes his bones to break with ease.

Without spoiling the ending for you, Dunn discovers why he can't get injured. This leads to the stunning denouement (Keith Hernandez would probably say "that's French for 'denouement'.") that explains why Price has taken such an interest in David Dunn.

If Dunn were truly unbreakable, he'd sign a contract with the Mets. At the very least, he could become part of the team's medical staff. Then again, we're talking about the 2009 Mets here. He might be able to survive a train wreck in Philadelphia, but he'd probably get injured getting off the 7 train in New York while reporting for his first day on the job.

Joey's Happy Recap: Angel Slams The Door!

Note: This blog was partially taken from the recap I wrote from tonight's game on MMO. Click here for the original version of that recap. However, Joey decided he wanted to do his own recap since it was Build-A-Bear Night at Citi Field and to him, that's like a National Holiday for bears. Take it away, Joey.


Hi, readers! This is Joey and welcome to my first recap. I attended tonight's Mets game and came home with yet another brother. You can see him in the picture above. That's Billy Bear. The other bear in the picture is Jerry. He was the first bear to end my status as only child. Enough about my family. Let's get to the happy recap of tonight's 9-6 Mets victory!

It seems fitting that on Build-A-Bear Night at Citi Field, the Mets would come out their two-game hibernation. Their 12-hit attack on the Diamondbacks’ pitchers, capped by Angel Pagan’s eighth-inning grand slam, fueled the Mets to a 9-6 victory Saturday night over Arizona.

Pagan picked a perfect time to hit the first home run of his Mets career, as his shot into the left field seats broke a 5-5 tie. Angel had been one of the most consistent hitters on the Mets since becoming an everyday player and was hitting long doubles and triples, so it was only a matter of time before he would launch his first homer.

Personally, I think he should have something edible named after him, like Reggie Jackson had the "Reggie" candy bar named after him centuries ago in the 70's. Perhaps some Angel Food Cake would do the trick. I'd certainly go for that!

Before Pagan’s heroics in the eighth inning, the game had been a back-and-forth affair. Arizona put the first two runs up on the board on a first inning home run into the second deck by Justin Upton and a fourth-inning RBI single by Augie Ojeda. The D-Backs might have scored more if not for a brilliant Houdini act pulled by Oliver Perez in the third inning. Arizona loaded the bases with nobody out when Perez struck out Mark Reynolds and induced an inning-ending double play by Chris Snyder. Daniel Murphy scooped the ball out of the dirt to complete the twin killing after he had practiced the play before the game. On WFAN, Howie Rose and Wayne Hagin reported that Mets coach Sandy Alomar was throwing balls in the dirt to Murphy from second base to teach him how to properly scoop poor throws from the second baseman. What a great day to practice that drill!

The Mets stormed back in the bottom of the fourth inning and Angel Pagan was crucial in that four-run rally as well. Daniel Murphy, Jeff Francoeur and Cory Sullivan all singled to produce the first run of the inning. Alex Cora then tied the game with a groundout to second base. The Mets took their first lead of the game when Brian Schneider hit a long double to center field, scoring Cory Sullivan from third base. After Oliver Perez delivered a line-drive single to right, advancing Schneider to third, Pagan drove in his first run of the game with a sacrifice fly.

I missed Angel's first RBI of the night because I was on a bathroom break. I almost peed my Mets hoodie because this lady saw me and started up a conversation about bears. I thought she was very strange and probably forgot to take her blue and orange pills this morning. She did not seem to care that I really had to go! Bears don't have bladders like non-bears. Once we have to go, there's no holding back!

The D-Backs pulled to within one run on a passed ball by Brian Schneider in the fifth inning, but the lead became two again on Jeff Francoeur’s millionth RBI as a Met. This time, he drove in David Wright on a groundout in the bottom of the fifth.

Oliver Perez was pulled after five workmanlike innings but the Mets could not give him the victory. Bobby Parnell coughed up the lead in the sixth inning, allowing Arizona to tie the game at 5 on an RBI groundout by Gerardo Parra and an RBI single by Justin Upton.

The score remained tied at 5 until the the Angel Pagan Show went back on the air in the eighth inning. The 7-8-9 hitters for the Mets all reached base on a walk and two singles, setting up Pagan’s grand moment.

Speaking of grand moments, what do you think of this picture of me in the field level seats during batting practice? Do you think I should apply to be the Mets' official rally bear? If so, I'd like to request a small helmet because a lot of those batting practice balls were coming very close to where I was sitting!

I’d like to thank Brian Stokes for allowing a run and putting another runner on base. That allowed Francisco Rodriguez to pick up his first save in three weeks, as he got Miguel Montero to pop up to Luis Castillo to end the game. Castillo made sure to catch Frankie’s last pitch of the game with two hands.

With tonight’s victory, the Mets upped their record to 50-53, making Tuesday the earliest possible day they will be shaving. For those not in the know, the Mets have vowed to grow their beards out until they reach the .500 mark. They remained 6½ games out of the wild-card spot.

Build-A-Bear Night proved to be a winning formula for the Mets and their fans. I was fortunate enough to be in attendance at the game and I must say, Angel Pagan definitely made the fur fly at Citi Field. Let’s hope the good vibes spill over into Sunday’s game.

That's my happy recap. I hope you enjoyed it. If I ever feel like writing after a Mets' loss, I will call it "Joey's Crappy Recap". That probably won't happen because usually after every loss, I like to drown my sorrows in cake. One more picture of us at today's game before I bid you adieu! It was taken where third base used to be at Shea Stadium (my place of birth). Memories...Adieu! (Gesundheit!)

Build-A-Bear Night is Coming!

It's coming! It's the night all ZCB fans have been waiting for! No, it's not opening night for the latest George Romero zombie flick. No, it's not the much-anticipated trailer for the upcoming Green Lantern movie.

Okay, so maybe it's only a night one-third of ZCB fans have been clamoring for. It's Saturday Night Fur-ver at Citi Field, as the Mets will be celebrating their annual Build-A-Bear Night!

In previous years, this promotion has only been for children 12 years of age and under. I have tried unsuccessfully to wrest one of the adorable bears from a 12-year-old boy who would normally be too old to want to keep a teddy bear. (Yes, I do notice the irony of that statement. I am three times the age of the boys I claim to be too old to like bears.) Unfortunately, prepubescent boys have matured faster than I did when I was that age. Either they ask for big bucks in return or they do not want to give up their furry friend because they went it as a gift to their girlfriend.

When I was 12, I had a $1-a-week allowance and I still thought girls had cooties. Ah, but I digress.

This is the first year that the bears will be given to the first 20,000 fans, regardless of age. It's about time the Mets marketing department woke up from their state of hibernation and realized that adults, including a certain man-child Mets blogger, love these cuties as well!

Now, if they'd only bring back Banner Day. Also, instead of Bring Your Dog To The Park Day, why not have a Bring Your Dead To The Park Day? Even better, combine Banner Day with the Day of The Dead! It could look something like this:











Are you listening, promotions people? ZCB fans want us all covered. You finally rectified your Build-A-Bear fiasco with your adult fans. You've also covered the superhero part with players like Johan Santana and our resident Superman, David Wright.

Now it's the zombies' turn to have their own promotion. Let's make them hear us until we get what we want. Raise your voices! Sing with me! All we are saying is give zombies a chance!

To my ZCB fans: I will be at Citi Field for Build-A-Bear Night. If you are also going to be there, please come by Promenade Reserved Section 501, Row 3, Seat 4 and say "howdy!!" There will be no zombies accompanying me to the game, but Joey and Jerry will be there!

Little Jeffy Wilpon Speaks For The Family Circus

Little Jeffy Wilpon held an apology-filled press conference at Citi Field before tonight's Mets-Rockies game. In it, he apologized to Daily News writer Adam Rubin for Omar Minaya's personal attack on said writer.

This is the second consecutive press conference held by the Mets to discuss the inappropriate actions of one of their high-ranking employees. On Monday, Minaya held a press conference to discuss the firing of the VP of Player Development Tony Bernazard due to various instances of inappropriate behavior with players at Double-A Binghamton and with players on the major league roster, most notably closer Francisco Rodriguez.

Ironically, while speaking on the inappropriate behavior of Tony Bernazard, Minaya behaved inappropriately himself. His comments about Adam Rubin lobbying for a player development position seemed to suggest that Rubin's reporting on Bernazard's antics was meant to open up a position for him within the Mets.

Omar was not present at the outdoor press conference, but his name was the most common word out of Little Jeffy's mouth. From stating that Omar was remorseful to Omar was going to call Rubin to Omar picked the wrong venue to express his views, Little Jeffy appeared to be Minaya's spokesman. However, he did make sure to say that Omar is and will be the team's GM.

Daddy Wilpon was also not available for comment. Our ZCB sources tell us that he was spotted at the ice cream shop buying frozen treats for his wife. Although this is not confirmed, she appears to be pregnant again. Apparently, Little Jeffy, Billy, Dolly and PJ were not enough for the Wilpon family, as if their family wasn't already a circus.

Perhaps this will be the topic of tomorrow's press conference. As for now, the Mets do not appear to be affected by the turmoil as they have won four straight games following tonight's 4-0 victory against the Wild Card-leading Rockies.

The non-uniformed Mets might be behaving badly, but the uniformed Mets are behaving quite well on the field. If Little Jeffy and the Family Circus planned these shenanigans to take the attention away from the players, they appear to have succeeded. Maybe for his next act, he can get Mets' PR man Jay Horwitz to start another firestorm by running on the field in his underwear during a game. That'll stir up some controversy and will lead to another press conference. Who knows? It might also extend the winning streak to five and beyond.

Fire Bernie! (A Sean Kingston Song Parody)

Okay, Tony. Put your shirt back on. We know you don't look like that, even if you think you're the biggest bad@$$ out there. Besides, you're going to need that shirt when you're standing on the unemployment line.

To honor you and your current employment status, I dedicate the latest ZCB song parody to you. In fact, this song boasts two writers, as it was co-written by Denise Winter. (Gracias, señorita!) It's a parody of Sean Kingston's chart-topping dance sensation and we renamed it in your honor. Here is "Fire Bernie!"


Somebody call Fred Wilpon!
Bernie's fired; fans are on the dance floor.
Whoooooaaaaa!

(Fire Bernie, fire Bernie)
What a con!
Wilpon!
Let's Go!
Hey!
Dead one!
Hey hey!

Tony did a stupid thing
Got into an argument at Double A
Challenged players as he walked through the door
His collar started tickling
Impersonating McConaughey
Made for quite a theater of the absurd.

Mets had to pop him, stop him, drop him
That man's a fake
It's a scandal; need to shoo that crazy lame-o away
Now take my blue and orange Mets jersey
Tony B. has gotten fired, gotten fired.

Somebody call Fred Wilpon!
Bernie's fired; fans are on the dance floor.
Whoooooaaaaa!
We gotta cool them down
'Fore they tear the Citi to the ground floor.
Whoooooaaaaa!

They fired Bernie, fired Bernie, not one chance more.
Now no more Tony, finally earned his way out the door.
They fired Bernie, fired Bernie, not one chance more.
Now no more Tony, finally earned his way out the door.
(Fire Bernie, fire Bernie)

Tony's body is no masterpiece
Put that shirt on, you hairy beast
Without you, we'll take that championship home.
I'm glad we didn't get to see your legs
Now the Mets games are gonna change
'Cause their coverage won't have you anymore.


Mets had to pop him, stop him, drop him
That man's a fake
It's a scandal; need to shoo that crazy lame-o away
Now take my blue and orange Mets jersey
Tony B. has gotten fired, gotten fired.

Somebody call Fred Wilpon!
Bernie's fired; fans are on the dance floor.
Whoooooaaaaa!
We gotta cool them down
'Fore they tear the Citi to the ground floor.
Whoooooaaaaa!

They fired Bernie, fired Bernie, not one chance more.
Now no more Tony, finally earned his way out the door.
They fired Bernie, fired Bernie, not one chance more.
Now no more Tony, finally earned his way out the door.


He's gotten fired, no more chances.
That'll make Minaya run around.
Hey!
Now exit through the ground floor.
Wave goodbye at the door.
Hey!
He's gotten fired, no more chances.
That'll make Minaya run around.
(Adam, get out of my way, everybody show him out, hey!)
Now exit through the ground floor.
Wave goodbye at the door.
(Where's Wilpon? Let's go! Adam! Let's go, hey!)

Mets had to pop him, stop him, drop him
That man's a fake
It's a scandal; need to shoo that crazy lame-o away
Now take my blue and orange Mets jersey
Tony B. has gotten fired, gotten fired.

Somebody call Fred Wilpon!
Bernie's fired; fans are on the dance floor.
Whoooooaaaaa!
We gotta cool them down
'Fore they tear the Citi to the ground floor.
Whoooooaaaaa!

They fired Bernie, fired Bernie, not one chance more.
Now no more Tony, finally earned his way out the door.
They fired Bernie, fired Bernie, not one chance more.
Now no more Tony, finally earned his way out the door.

Somebody call Fred Wilpon!

Mets Power Surge Shocks Fans and Alarms Con Edison

Con Edison is reportedly worried about the Mets recent power surge in Houston. As the Mets return to New York to play the Colorado Rockies Monday night, the local electric company is worried that they might not be able to handle the increase in power if it continues at Citi Field.

Officials at Con Edison are basing their fears on the recent three-game series at Minute Maid Park in Houston. Before the series began, the Mets had hit only three triples and four home runs in the month of July. They matched that total in this series alone, as the Mets and their recharged offense had at least 12 hits in all three games, including six doubles, three triples and four home runs.

Thunderstorms are expected for the majority of the ten-game homestand at Citi Field, causing additional concern that the home of the Mets will be awash in thunder and lightning from various sources.

Citi Field will be certainly be electric when the Mets host the Colorado Rockies, who are leading the wild card race in the National League. If the Mets continue to hit the Rockies' staff the way they took care of the Astros' pitchers, it wouldn't shock me if they made a run at the wild card.

With a victory in the series opener against the Rockies, the Mets could win three in a row for the first time since they reeled off four straight victories in late May. That would surely please Triplicate Girl, but most importantly, it would please Mets fans. Weather permitting, the game will begin at 7:10 PM. Let's hope the hitters don't suffer a blackout. I only have one request for the Mets. Keep the electricity flowing!

Joey's Soapbox: Cole Hamels, Spanish Nicknames, Where's The Cake?

Welcome to the first installment of Joey's Soapbox, where I'll get up on my soapbox and share anything on my mind. I'm a Mets bear, so I'm sure it'll be all about the Mets. If there's a mention of cake, that's because I haven't been fed yet.

Allow me to introduce myself to those who don't know me. I'm Joey. I've been told that I resemble the anchorman of ZCB News, Joey Beartran. There might be some resemblance, but I'm definitely the cuter one. If there are spelling errors in this blog, please remember that I don't have fingers. I have paws. It's much harder to type with paws. It's even harder to hit the spellcheck button, so bear with me (no pun intended).

Time to get up on the soapbox. Give me a minute as I'm only fifteen inches tall and that's one big soapbox!

Cole Hamels

Why is Cole Hamels all over my TV set? He's in an ad for New Era caps where he's visited on the mound at Dodger Stadium by a man who looks like a Phillies coach. After the man gives Hamels a talk, Hamels responds with an odd stare followed by his one line of dialogue: "Who are you?" followed by a quick reveal that the coach is actually a Phillies fan dressed in Phillies gear and a New Era cap. How long do you think Hamels practiced his line? I'll bet he missed a start just to be sure he had the three words memorized perfectly.

Also, Colbert (since that's his full first name) appears in an ad for ESPN The Magazine with fellow athletes Jameer Nelson and Chad Ochocinco. Apparently, Colbert didn't rehearse for this spot as much as he did for the New Era ad. His delivery was monotonic and he sounded like he had the World Series trophy up his @$$. If you must give speaking lines to Hamels, please make the commerical in the style of a silent movie. Better yet, don't give him any lines. He'll just choke on them. And yes, I said it. I called Colbert an ad choker. I guess this blog is going up on the bulletin board of his green room.

Spanish Nicknames

I mentioned Chad Ochocinco before. His new last name is Spanish for the digits of his uniform number for the Cincinnati Bengals, 8 and 5. It got me thinking of other Spanish nicknames, especially ones used by current and former baseball players.

We have Big Papi (David Ortiz), El Duque (Orlando Hernandez), El Presidente (Dennis Martinez), and El Toro (Fernando Valenzuela). I've even heard fans of Carlos Beltran refer to him as El Guapo (the handsome one), but when I think of El Guapo, I think of the villain from the Three Amigos movie.

I think the Mets should acquire Carlos Lee and Manny Ramirez. I'm not saying that because they would give the team two genuine home run threats. I'm saying it because of their nicknames. Carlos Lee is known throughout baseball as El Caballo (the horse) and Manny Ramirez is known by me as El Cabello (the hair). If we team them up with Cowbell Man, the Mets could boast El Caballo, El Cabello and El Cowbell-o. Imagine the marketing department having fun with that one!

Where's The Cake?

It's no secret that I am a fan of cake. I will eat it anytime, anywhere. Therefore, it should come to no one's surprise that I was unhappy when Citi Field unveiled their food choices and cake was not one of the menu options.

Fans can get food from Mama's of Corona, El Verano Taqueria, Blue Smoke and Box Frites. They have an abundance of food to please everyone's palates. Do any of these places have cake? NO! Even Shake Shack has frozen custard. Couldn't they add a cake selection as well? Cake goes with custard, doesn't it? Is it too much to ask for to have a Cake Shack near the Shake Shack, even if it's a small annex?

The Wilpons spent too much of their money on their Brooklyn Dodgers tributes and not enough on players and food for their bear fans.


Final Thoughts

Cole Hamels: Stick to pitching on the mound, not pitching products on my TV set.

Spanish Nicknames: Las cucarachas entran, pero no pueden salir.

Where's The Cake?: No final thoughts here. I have my mouth full. Thank God for Entenmann's!

Why Do The Mets Hit Into So Many Double Plays? They're Zombies!

Now we know why the Mets have been so putrid lately in the batters box. They've been replaced by zombies like the one in the picture to the left. How else can you explain the increasing number of double plays they've been hitting into recently? Zombies move around slowly. They have no chance at beating the relay throw to first moving at that speed!

If they had loaded up the farm system with the running zombies from the Dawn of The Dead remake or the rage-infected runners from 28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later, they could have called up some of those undead minor leaguers to replace the likes of Carlos Beltran, Jose Reyes and Carlos Delgado.

I'd like to see how many double plays they would hit into then. Imagine if the Mets were playing the Phillies and a fast zombie was up to bat with a runner on first. If he hit a routine ground ball to Jimmy Rollins, he could go from killing a rally to killing a Phillie. Not only would the Mets still be alive (well, sort of alive) but the Phillies would be left one player short.

Also can you imagine an opposing runner getting caught in a rundown? He wouldn't dare try to advance if one of the "runner" zombies was charging at him. Before being tagged out by the zombie, he'd be called out for running outside the baseline trying to get back into the dugout safely. Being called safe on the bases would mean nothing to him. He'd rather be safe in the dugout.

But no! The Mets had to be stingy and signed the cheaper zombies, the ones that walk at a snail's pace. With the way the Mets have been playing, don't you think it would have behooved Omar Minaya to send some scouts to better cemeteries to dig up faster talent?

Thanks again, Omar! You can't even get the right undead players when they're available! No wonder this season died long before the players did!

Has Anyone Ever Seen Tony Bernazard and The Hulk In The Same Room?

Tony Bernazard had a respectable major league career. He was known as a good, mild-mannered player throughout his ten years in the major leagues. After his playing career ended in 1991, he took a baseball sabbatical, returning to the game to become the Mets' vice president for player development in December 2004.

Since his return to the Mets, the docile player has turned into a troublemaker as Omar Minaya's little helper. Although denied by Omar Minaya, Bernazard was viewed as the primary reason behind the firing of former manager Willie Randolph in 2008. The red flag should have gone up there. But there was so much more to come in 2009.

First, Bernazard unleashed his holier-than-thou attitude during a game at Citi Field when an Arizona Diamondbacks scout was found sitting in a seat behind home plate that he coveted.

Then came the incident in early July where Bernazard allegedly (since everything with Bernazard only happens allegedly. Like bosom buddy Omar Minaya is ever going to say "Yup, he did it.") challenged players from AA-Binghamton to a fight, removing his shirt in the process. No video of this "alleged" incident popped up on YouTube, but my good friend, Chucky, will attempt to re-enact the scene.





<-- Before After-->





This was followed up by reports that Bernazard confronted Mets' closer Francisco Rodriguez in Atlanta last week.

Apparently his anger is progressing. He went from a scout to minor leaguers to one of the few bright spots on the big club. How did a man who was always even-keeled become such a brute? The answer may be simple. Has anyone ever wondered where Tony Bernazard was between 1991 and 2004?












I say he was undergoing gamma radiation treatment at an undisclosed location. This radiation caused his Jekyll and Hyde-like transformation. He may look silent and withdrawn whenever he is not aggravated, but once he is angered, the radiation transforms him into the Incredible Hulk.

Stop rolling your eyes and think carefully for a second. Have you ever seen Tony Bernazard and the Hulk standing together? I didn't think so.

Tony's transformation into the Hulk has been embarrassing the team and Mets fans are calling for him to be fired. He may deserve to be removed from his position for his egregious actions, but if he is, be afraid. He may come smashing his way looking for you. Don't say I didn't warn you!

Injured Player of The Week Award: Week of 7/16-7/22

Welcome to the first award handed out by ZCB. Whereas other Mets sites might name a player of the week, this site will focus on the best injured player of the week. It will go to the injured player who did the most to not aggravate his injury further.

Please note that Fernando Nieve was not eligible to receive this award as he was not injured for the entire time period considered for this week (Thursday, July 16 to Wednesday, July 22). Also note that the creator of this award does not care about the usual Sunday to Saturday week. The last time I checked, Thursday to Wednesday was still a seven day period.

Our inaugural winner of the IPW award is Jose Reyes. Reyes has been doing some light running and was able to play in a simulated game on Tuesday. He did not run at full speed, but also did not report any discomfort. The Mets are being cautious with Reyes and will continue to do so upon his return to the big club.

Jerry Manuel will not allow Reyes to play every day when he returns to the Mets. Here is what Manuel had to say.

"When we get him, we'll probably have to play him a game and then rest him a game. Just because of the anxiety that's involved in the big league level and all the blood flowing."

Because of his progress and the precautions being taken by the team, the inaugural Injured Player of The Week Award is proudly given to Jose Reyes. Reyes seemed quite surprised to receive this award, as seen by this photo of him taken after he was notified of his achievement.



Let's hope this award doesn't turn into something along the lines of the Sports Illustrated cover jinx. If a Mets player re-aggravates his injury after receiving this award, then it will have to be changed to the Injured Phillies Player of The Week Award.

Once again, congratulations to Jose Reyes. Let's hope you don't have to accept this award again!