Saturday, August 15, 2009

From The ZCB Newsdesk: August 15, 2009

We interrupt the blog that I wasn't yet writing for this special report. I'm Joey Beartran. Now listen to my news.

David Wright was hit in the head by a 94 MPH fastball thrown by Giants' pitcher Matt Cain today. After remaining motionless on the ground for a few minutes, Wright was able to get up under his own power, although he looked dazed and disoriented.

He was later taken to the Hospital For Special Surgery in Manhattan for a CT scan. The results of that scan were negative. However, he suffered a concussion and will remain hospitalized overnight.

Our ZCB news crew attempted to get a video or photo of Wright in the hospital to see if his head has swollen due to the blow it received. They were turned away, but not before they were given this comment by an unnamed hospital administrator:

"Mr. Wright cannot be photographed because the flash bulb would exacerbate his concussion. If you must know what he looks like, please use this as a reference."

Our investigative reporter brought back the item given to him by the hospital administrator, which I will now share with you as a ZCB exclusive photo.

Apparently, David Wright looks fine. This picture does look quite a bit like the David Wright Fathead I have in my Bear Cave. Wait a is a David Wright Fathead!

Oh, I get it! Wright gets plunked in the head, it swells up and now he resembles a real life Fathead. The hospital administrator has jokes. Hey, so-called ZCB investigative reporter! Did she tell you "I'll be here all week" when you went up to her? That does it. You're fired! Good luck on the unemployment line. Here's a piece of cardboard so you can update your résumé on it.

This has been Joey Beartran at the ZCB Newsdesk and I don't care about the news anymore!

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