Saturday, August 8, 2009

Joey's Soapbox: How To Score Vs. Padres, No Pets At Petco, Mighty Mouse

It might be a beautiful day, but it's ugly inside my head. The Mets continue to lose to inferior teams and now I must release by getting on my soapbox. Today's rants will be about the proper way to score against the Padres, the conundrum that is Petco Park and Mighty Mouse!

How To Score Vs. Padres

Since 2007, the Mets have lost 8 of 9 games at Petco Park. Half of those losses came by one run. Last night's game would have been a one-run loss had Everth Cabrera's walk-off shot stayed in the park. Also, the Mets have scored two runs or less in five of the eight losses. They followed the same script last night when they scored two runs in the first inning and then hit the snooze button for the remaining eight innings, wasting a rare stellar effort by Oliver Perez.

If the Mets want to learn how to score runs against San Diego, all they have to do is study this picture of then-Colorado Rockie Matt Holliday from the 2007 Wild Card play-in game.

Notice the face plant into home plate. Replays showed that Matt Holliday might not have touched home, but the umpire was so impressed with his effort that he was called safe, sending the Rockies into the 2007 playoffs.

The Mets have been showing team solidarity by growing beards. The extra chin fur would give them additional protection when they slide face first into home. If they can get over the fear of French kissing the ground and don't mind removing pebbles caught in their stubble, the Mets might be able to pull out a few more victories at Petco Park.

No Pets At Petco

I find it odd that other than the occasional Dog Day at the Ballpark, there are no pets allowed at Petco Park. How can a ballpark named after a company that has the best interest of pets in mind not allow them to patronize their facility? Does that mean I can't see my Metsies play there?

Let's look up the dictionary definition of "pet" to see what it says:

pet (pet), n.
  1. An animal kept for amusement or companionship.
  2. An object of the affections.
  3. A person especially loved or indulged; a favorite: the teacher's pet
It appears I am a pet. All three definitions apply to me. I believe a boycott of Petco is in order. They won't be able to keep my kind out for long!

Mighty Mouse

I'm not talking about the cartoon character. I'm talking about the Mets' diminutive lefty, Billy Wagner. He is pitching well during his rehab assignment and should be promoted to the Mets at some point during the next homestand. He is also trying to earn a lucrative deal when he becomes a free agent.

Meanwhile, Speedy Gonzalez (Francisco Rodriguez) has been running out of gas after blowing by hitters on the Fastball Expressway. After a brilliant first half, he has been merely mortal, racking up blown save after blown save.

Apparently, the lack of activity since the All-Star Break has caused Frankie to become lazy. He has metamorphosed from Speedy Gonzalez to his cousin, Slowpoke Rodriguez! This change has been responsible for his recent poor outings, including his first back-to-back blown saves as a Met.

I propose that the Mets give Billy Wagner some save opportunities down the stretch. If Frankie is going to continue his downward spiral, then Billy should be given the ball in the ninth inning. After all, who would you trust with the game on the line? Mighty Mouse or Slowpoke Rodriguez?

Final Thoughts

How To Score Vs. Padres: Don't ever shave, Metsies! If you do, it'll just be another excuse for not scoring any runs against the Padres.

No Pets At Petco: What do we want? To see the game! When do we want it? NOW!

Mighty Mouse: Here I come to save the day! So I'll push Slowpoke out of the way!

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