This is Joey here. I'm disappointed in the Mets right now. It's not because of their record or their injuries. It's not even because they don't have a Cake Shack at Citi Field to satisfy my red velvet cravings.
I'm unhappy because my fav'rit player, Billy Wagner, is now with the Red Sox. I will never be able to play air drums at Citi Field again as "Enter Sandman" has been silenced.
I promise you that I will see Billy again. It doesn't matter if I have to walk all the way to Boston, but I will play those drums again when he comes into a game!
I will travel to the ends of the earth for my fav'rit player. Neither rain, nor sleet, nor bad burritos will prevent me from reaching my final destination. If I have to march through dense tropical rain forests with my #13 jersey in tow until I find my beloved Billy, I will do it.
If I run out of water while traveling through the harsh sun-soaked Connecticut desert, I will trudge on. Even if I get tangled in the dangerous bushes of Rhode Island without being able to get to my machete, I will not despair. Billy will get me there.
I've been told that if I make a wrong turn in Worcester, I might end up in Vermont. Since I don't have pockets in my Mets hoodie, I cannot carry a GPS device with me, so an unscheduled trip to the Green Mountain State is a possibility.
I've heard there is plenty of maple syrup in Vermont, which reminds me that I still need my cake fix. When in Vermont, I have to do as the Monties do. That means my cake of choice will be pancakes! Therefore, if I do end up in Vermont, I will climb a tree with my Billy Wagner jersey nearby and get my own maple syrup. Then I'll get directions and continue my trek to Boston.
Once I get to Boston, I will temporarily switch allegiances from the Mets to the Red Sox. I will break out my new personalized Billy Wagner Red Sox jersey, but everyone will know who my fav'rit player is, even up in Beantown!
I will enjoy a Fenway Frank, but stay away from the Green Monster. That's because I'm five years old and I'm still at that age where monsters are scary. When Billy comes into the ballgame in the eighth inning, I will play my air drums when the opening riff of "Enter Sandman" is played. I will be emotional but I will play on!
Then I will leave right after Billy's one-two-three inning and put my Mets jersey back on as I make my way back through the bushes, rain forests and deserts. Speaking of deserts, I will make another stop in Vermont for dessert. However, this time I can say with certainty that I will not be lost.
I could stay until the game ends, but then I'd have to sit through "Sweet Caroline" in the middle of the eighth inning. I'm sorry, but you can't have Metallica as an opening act for Neil Diamond.
Billy Wagner, I will miss you running out of the Mets bullpen. I'm thankful that you made two final appearances for the Mets at Citi Field and will never forget your contributions to the team. You will always be my fav'rit player no matter what jersey you wear. Good luck, Billy! This bear will always love you!