Tuesday, September 1, 2009

DOs And DON'Ts For David

David Wright has been activated from the disabled list after spending the past two weeks there due to the old "fastball to the head" trick performed by Giants' pitcher Matt Cain. The failed trick gave Wright a concussion and sent him to the disabled list for the first time in his six-year career with the Mets.

Jerry Manuel will be cautious with his star player. He will play him every other day for the time being until Wright shows that his rhythm is back.

Wright must be very careful not to re-injure himself as concussions are nothing to be laughed at. Just ask former Met Ryan Church or John Rocker. I mean, all you have to do is look at John Rocker and you can see just how devastating the effects of a concussion can be.

Studious Metsimus would like to offer some advice to David. This "to do" list and "to don't" list for David will help him succeed upon his return to the lineup and will prevent him from injuring himself again. If you're reading, David, I hope you're paying close attention.


Do celebrate with your teammates after they do well. Whether you celebrate with a congratulatory high-five or pat on the booty, this will show your appreciation of your teammates in a fun way and will build chemistry in the clubhouse.

Don't celebrate by choking the life out of each other. The Mets now have a no-choke clubhouse. The team should abide by the new rules and regulations. Besides, choking went out of style after the Yankees did it for four games in October 2004.


Do come to bat and take your position on the field with a smile. If you look like you're enjoying your job, then you will be more relaxed. A relaxed David is a productive David. Relaxation is key to not aggravating symptoms of a concussion.

Don't make faces at the opposition, even if they are division rivals, unless if it's the Lollipop Guild (Jimmy Rollins and Shane "The Cryin' Hawaiian" Victorino). If you look like you're making fun of the team in the other dugout, they might take you out with a hard slide at third base.


Do show off your sweet dance moves. Make Napoleon Dynamite jealous. Dancing is a good cardiovascular workout that will help the blood flow throughout the body. The more blood that gets to the brain, the healthier mind you will have. Healthy mind and body leads to healthy seasons on the field. Plus, you can register for "So You Think You Can Dance" so you can do something during the offseason.

Don't take up breakdancing. Ever. In fact, don't do anything that has the word "break" in it. That includes breakfast and bathroom breaks. Just have an early lunch and hold it in until then.


Do show love for your equipment. These are your everyday tools that will give you success on the field. Just like plants, love makes them flourish. Of course, please watch out for splinters.

Don't show your bromance with Paul LoDuca on or off the field, no matter how many nineteen year olds he can introduce you to. The bromance and the comely co-eds will do nothing but distract you.


Do your flying as close to the ground as possible. Higher elevations can affect concussions negatively due to the thinner air. It's best to stay as grounded as possible.

Don't join the Mile High Club. Because of your concussion, you might think you're up there with a beautiful woman but when you land, you'll realize that you were with Sloth from the Goonies instead.

Do wear as much protection as you can on your head. Keith Hernandez might not like the new "pinhead" batting helmets, but in your case, any extra protection should be welcome.

Don't ever take pictures wearing scrubs again! It's bad enough we had to be without you for two weeks because Matt Cain decided to pick you out of the audience for his "fastball to the head" trick. We never want to see you in hospital attire again! Thanks for coming back to the Mets so soon and good luck for the rest of the season!


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