Thursday, September 10, 2009

Joey's Soapbox: I Hate Renyel Pinto

This is Joey and yes, that is a picture of me pooping on Marlins' relief pitcher Renyel Pinto. I'm overdue for a Joey's Soapbox blog, so this piece will be entirely devoted to my newfound hatred for Pinto.

The Studious Metsimus staff arrived early at Citi Field on Wednesday night in the hopes of getting an exclusive interview with...well...anyone.

The Marlins were taking batting practice at the time and we settled in near the left field foul pole with our pencils and index cards ready for the interview. (Note: We would have used 21st century technological advances for the interview but our budget was limited in order to get chicken nachos.)

We spotted a crowd of Marlins players standing near the left field line, including the aforementioned Pinto and Leo Nuñez. Nuñez was more than willing to be interviewed and was going to come over for an interview (see photo, right), but Pinto called him back as a fly ball was approaching them. Nuñez never came back for the interview.

Later on, another Marlin hit a deep fly ball off the left field wall. (We're not sure who the player was, but we're sure he'll be traded before he's eligible for free agency.) The ball rolled near the foul line where we were standing. It seemed like the perfect time to get an interview AND a baseball.

I called out to Pinto to give us the ball and an interview and even did an embarrassing dance to get his attention. Pinto acknowledged us by attempting to do the same dance while facing in our direction. Truth be told, it looked less like a retaliatory dance and more like the Truffle Shuffle.

No. Not the Teufel Shuffle (although it is nice to see Tim Teufel show up in a Studious Metsimus blog). I said Truffle Shuffle. You know, Goonies...Sean Astin, Josh Brolin, Joey Pants, Mouth, one-eyed Willy, Sloth, CHUNK! Oh, just click here and you'll see what I mean. I bet Bill Webb doesn't have to go through this with his behind the scenes crew!

Back to the story. Renyel Pinto did his foolish dance and appeared to be coming over to give us the ball and the interview. Then he threw the ball in our direction. It fell short by about five feet. He then picked it up and threw it again. Short. One more try. Even shorter. By this time, Pinto was laughing and it was clear he was doing this to mock me. This was made more evident when he picked up the ball and handed it to a young Mets fan sitting two sections over from where we were.

As you can see by the photo to the right of this paragraph, I was confused by Pinto's cowardice to grant an interview to a bear. Did he think I was going to bite him? Do you see any teeth in the picture?

I was about to start an "OFF THE FIELD" chant similar to the one Mets fans used last year when the Mets where preparing the Shea Goodbye ceremonies after the last game of the season and the Marlins refused to leave the field in a timely manner, showing their audacity by scooping up some of the dirt at Shea!

Instead, I decided on a better form of revenge. I used up the entire Studious Metsimus budget and went up to our fav'rit chicken nacho stand. I asked for extra beans and cheese so that the picture seen at the top of this blog would have a little extra kick for Mr. Pinto.

Pinto seemed unaffected by my flatulent follies as he relieved starter Ricky Nolasco with one out in the seventh inning and proceeded to retire the two batters he faced. Then again, Pinto was named after a car that also did not care about the foul odor that was always emanating from it (see photo below), so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

The Marlins defeated the Mets Wednesday night by the final score of 6-3, but that wasn't the main story. The main story as far as I'm concerned was the lack of respect shown by Renyel Pinto towards me. By making fun of me, he also insulted the Mets and Mets bloggers as well.

It's okay. I'll get over it. There will be other interviews to conduct and I will bring home a baseball one day. For now, I'll just spread the word that Renyel Pinto is hated by this blogger and perhaps we can all come together when the Marlins visit Citi Field in 2010 with signs depicting a run-down Ford Pinto, assuming Renyel is still with the team.

Time to get off my soapbox. I've got some more chicken nachos to get through!


Anonymous said...

Joey, Joey, Joey ... if you're this mischievous now, what does the future hold? I mean, you're only FIVE!!

Joey Beartran said...

I'm almost 5½ now. And you'd do the same thing if Pinto did that to you!

Anonymous said...

Joey even looks adorable taking a DUMP!? Would wonders never cease!?

Joey Beartran said...

I've also been told I'm squeezably soft, like Chramin, which I must add, I did NOT use after making my mark on Renyel Pinto!

Anonymous said...

Fuck you and the Mets.