Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Song Parody: Brian Wilson Should Be "Pitchin' At Citi"


From 2008 to 2011, Giants closer Brian Wilson saved 163 games, made three All-Star teams and recorded the final out of his team's first World Series championship since Willie Mays was playing stickball in Harlem.  The eccentric Wilson then made two appearances for the Giants in 2012 before needing Tommy John surgery, which caused him to miss the rest of the season.

Although Wilson wasn't able to help the team on the field as they marched to their second World Series title in three years, he was still very much active in the clubhouse and in the dugout.  When he wasn't soft-tossing as part of his rehab program, he was tickling the ivories, especially the ones on teammate Clay Hensley's cap.

San Francisco did not tender a contract to Wilson this past November, making the soon-to-be 31-year-old relief pitcher a free agent.  Wilson claims he will be ready by Opening Day, although it might take him a little longer to be fully effective.  This past weekend, Wilson pitched in front of Mets general manager Sandy Alderson in a private workout session, hoping to impress Alderson into offering him a contract for the 2013 season.

At Studious Metsimus, we have always been fans of the hirsute Wilson.  And considering Alderson's history of "low-risk, high-reward" signings over the past three off-seasons (Scott Hairston, Chris Capuano and Chris Young come to mind), Wilson would certainly be the perfect candidate to become this year's big signing.

Alderson's modus operandi would suggest that Wilson could become a Met.  However, if Alderson needs a little push to make this signing happen, perhaps this little ditty might provide that extra kick.

It was 50 years ago this winter that the Beach Boys released one of their most memorable tracks, "Surfin' USA".  Something about Brian Wilson suggested that I rewrite the Beach Boys classic and dedicate it to Sandy Alderson, in the hopes that he will read it and it will convince him to sign the former Giants closer.  What's my version called?  Naturally, it had to be called "Pitchin' at Citi".

This Brian Wilson prefers scooters to surfboards.  (Photo by Stephen Goldblatt)


If Wilson wants to be a closer
Across the U.S.A.
He'd take the red-eye to New York
From Californ-I-A
You'd see him wearin' his uni
Painted fingernails, too
His bushy, bushy black beard would
Fit in at Citi

You'd catch him pitchin' the ninth frame
(Sandy, bring him to Citi)
I'm sure he'll do just fine
(Sandy, bring him to Citi)
And soon Wilson would wrestle
(Sandy, bring him to Citi)
For extra camera time
(Sandy, bring him to Citi)
7 from Manhattan
(Sandy, bring him to Citi)
From Times Square and Broadway
(Sandy, bring him to Citi)
Everybody'd come see him
Pitchin' at Citi.

We'll all be planning our commute
(Oooooooooo!)
Should Wilson sign real soon
(Oooooooooo!)
We're getting out our fake beards
(Oooooooooo!)
For two months before June
(Oooooooooo!)
We'll all be going this summer
(Oooooooooo!)
If Wilson comes our way
(Oooooooooo!)
Tell Sandy we'd like Wilson
Pitchin' at Citi.

Wilson's healthy and hungry
(Sandy, bring him to Citi)
To pitch near Flushing Bay
(Sandy, bring him to Citi)
Make him an offer 'fore sunset
(Sandy, bring him to Citi)
Before he leaves today
(Sandy, bring him to Citi)
Don't offer a whole lot
(Sandy, bring him to Citi)
Like what we gave to Bay
(Sandy, bring him to Citi)
Everybody wants Wilson
Pitchin' at Citi.

Everybody'd come see him
Pitchin' at Citi.

Tell Sandy we'd like Wilson
Pitchin' at Citi.

Everybody wants Wilson
Pitchin' at Citi...



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