Joey's Soapbox: Changes At Citi Field Everywhere But On The Field

Welcome to the latest edition of Joey's Soapbox. As always, I'm your fav'rit Studious Metsimus correspondent, Joey Beartran. Today I'm getting up on my soapbox to talk about a real doozy. It's about all these new changes at Citi Field.

For the past year, fans have clamored for Citi Field to be more Mets-centric. Homages to the Brooklyn Dodgers can be seen everywhere. There's the exterior of Citi Field resembling the main entrance at Ebbets Field. There's also the Jackie Robinson Rotunda. Once you take the center escalators up to the Field Level seating area, you're faced with the Ebbets Club. There's even a '47 shop that sells vintage clothing. (I wasn't around in 1947, but I heard that was a good year for the Brooklyn Dodgers. Something about the rookie season of the aforementioned Mr. Robinson and the Dodgers winning the pennant.)

See what I mean? Everywhere you went at Citi Field, you couldn't escape the Brooklyn Dodgers. Do you want to go even further? How about the store for ladies on the Excelsior Level? (Touch by Alyssa Milano)

Alyssa Milano was born in Brooklyn! She has confessed to being a Dodger fan and season ticket holder! (According to that link, she also follows many Dodger blogs, but does not follow Studious Metsimus. I will now have to put up my Who's The Boss Season 1 DVD for sale on eBay because of that.) Yes, I know there are other Touch stores in other major league stadiums, but surely the Wilpons must have jumped at the idea of having a Touch boutique at Citi Field when a Brooklyn-born Dodger fan is behind it.

So this year, the Mets are going all out to make Citi Field have more of a Mets feel to it. They started with the renaming of certain areas of the ballpark. In 2010, fans can now enter through the Gil Hodges VIP entrance, the Tom Seaver VIP entrance and the Casey Stengel VIP entrance. (We have not received confirmation on whether the janitors' entrance was renamed to honor Doug Sisk.) The bridge in right field was also renamed as the Shea Bridge.

In addition to the newly renamed areas of the ballpark, the Mets were going to construct a Hall of Fame and Museum adjacent to the Jackie Robinson Rotunda. They were also finally going to induct new members to their Hall of Fame, all of which were instrumental to the 1986 World Championship team.

In February, the Mets announced that McFadden's Restaurant and Saloon would be opening a new location at Citi Field. Now comes word that the Mets are adding new menu items to their various eating establishments, as well as new eating establishments for fans to enjoy.

The one thing I couldn't help but notice was the fact that there will now be poutine at Box Frites. (Shameless plug: For those who don't know what poutine is, please read this Studious Metsimus classic, where I discussed the topic with Professeur Bay.) Do you think this would have happened had the Mets not signed Sgt. Bay of The Yukon to a multi-year deal? Are they now going to have Molson, Labatt and Sleeman on tap at McFadden's?

Next thing you know, the Mets are going to put out an official press release stating that during the sixth inning, they will conduct races similar to the sausage race in Milwaukee and the Presidents Race in Washington. It will feature Terrance and Phillip (from South Park), Geddy Lee and Anne Murray. Similar to Teddy Roosevelt in Washington, Anne Murray will never be allowed to win one of these races.

Terrance, Phillip and Geddy Lee won't even allow Anne Murray to appear in these photos.

Ah, but I digress. What's the point of this rant from my soapbox? I'll tell you. In 2009, fans were treated to shoddy baseball by the Not Ready For The Major League Players. The result of that was a 70-92 season and fans coming to games dressed as empty seats.

Since the Wilpons and Omar Minaya couldn't get anyone other than Jason Bay to sign with the Mets (the Catcher Crusaders notwithstanding), they needed to do something to attract the fans' interest. Therefore, they're loading Citi Field with all these new attractions so that when the team is losing to the Phillies, Braves, Marlins and Nationals, no one will seem to notice because they're too busy in the Museum or drinking at McFadden's or savoring their poutine.

I am a Mets fan and I always will be. Although I'm not quite six years old (I'll be six on June 20. Send cake and chicken nachos.), I'm old enough to remember the dark days of the Art Howe Era. I want last year's team to be a fluke and not a throwback to the Art Howe days.

Perhaps if this off-season had featured better movements regarding player transactions (i.e. an improved starting rotation), the Mets wouldn't have to resort to these other fan-friendly changes to attract their fanbase. I'm sure I'll enjoy all these new amenities (especially the poutine) but I would enjoy it more if the product on the field had improved as well. Sure, they could surprise us and have all their injured players return to good health and good performances. Maybe even Oliver Perez might pitch a good game or twelve. But right now, the Mets might be a .500 team at best.

Hey, Mets fans. Look on the bright side. At least we can drown our sorrows with a Molson at McFadden's.

Ask Professeur Bay To Learn English, Canadian Style!

During Shea Stadium's last years, fans in attendance were treated to Jose Reyes attempting to teach them Spanish through his clever "Ask Professor Reyes" segments that were seen on DiamondVision between innings.

Once Reyes left the Mets lineup in 2009 due to his injury, Professor Reyes also waved goodbye. So who will teach the fans a foreign language in 2010? How about native Canadian Jason Bay?

If you've ever had a conversation with a Canadian, you've probably noticed that certain words don't sound the same to our American ears. All you have to do is listen to the songs of Anne Murray or Celine Dion to know that Canadian crap sounds different than American crap.

Studious Metsimus has decided to administer the oath to Jason Bay so that he can teach you the proper way to speak like a Canadian. Once he finishes taking his oath to be our new professor, he'll be ready to begin class. My Studious Metsimus colleague, Joey, will be Professeur Bay's first student.


Greetings, class! I'm Professeur Bay. Our first word today will be "about". Please repeat the following sentence.

"When I report to Citi Field, I will be the first person to be out and about on the playing field."

When I report to Citi Field, I will be the first person to be oot and aboot on the playing field.






Um, no. Let's move on to the next word. The next word is "sorry".

"I'm sorry that the Mets organization had so many injuries that kept them out of contention."

I'm sawry that the Mets organ-eye-zation had so many injuries that kept them oot of contention.






Now it sounds like you're making fun of me. Please don't take advantage of the fact that Canadians are painfully polite. It's very rude. Anyway, before we continue, I have a question for you. Do you like Popeye, the cartoon character?



Of course! Who doesn't like Popeye? But my favorite character is Wimpy. He's always eating burgers. I wish I could eat burgers all the time!





Oh, you like Wimpy. Okay. Do you remember what Wimpy would always say when he wanted burgers and was about to pay for them?




Of course I remember. But I get the feeling you're going to tell me anyway.







Give that bear a high five! Okay, here's your last word. I'll use it in that sentence Wimpy would say. Ready?





Grumble, grumble...








The word is "Tuesday".

"I'll gladly pay you a loony next Tuesday for a burger today."

What's a loony?








Sigh. It's what we call a dollar.








So why didn't you just call it that? And can I get some fries with that burger? Maybe add a little cheese and gravy on those fries?






You mean poutine?

Jigga what?

POUTINE!! That's what we call those fries you're looking for.

You know what? You're not supposed to eat in class anyway. Just say the sentence, eh?

I'll gladly pay you a loony next Tooz-dee for a burger today. But I'm not saying poo-tin, eh? Especially when all I want are fries with gravy and cheese.

Forget this gig! I'm leaving! Class dismissed!

Was it something I said? Should I have asked for Kraft Dinner instead?

This concludes our first and final installment of Ask Professeur Bay. If this got under Jason's skin, imagine what the New York media will do to him.

Oh, well. We can always persuade Jose Reyes back into the professor's chair. He's supposed to be healthy enough to teach, right? Well? Is he? Ay, caramba!