Gettin' Iggy With It: Mets Kick Ass In Philly

Hi!  This is Iggy Beartran, your expert on all things Cole Hamels.  On Friday, the Mets traveled to Philadelphia to face the richest ass in the world.  Naturally, they were on like Donkey Kong, scoring six runs on ten hits off the smarmy southpaw.  But that's nothing new for the Mets, who can be seen beating up on Hamels almost as often as Mo Vaughn can be seen at the head of the line at an all-you-can-eat buffet.  (Almost.)

Cole Hamels, who was gunning for his 100th career victory on Friday, has lost 13 of 20 decisions to the Mets in his career.  His 13 losses are the second-most defeats by a Phillies pitcher against the Mets.  Meanwhile, sixteen Phillies pitchers have defeated the Mets more often than that smiling ass has.

But wait, there's more.

• Including Friday's game, Hamels has been touched for ten hits or more in eight of his 243 career starts, meaning that he allows double-digit hits approximately once every 30 starts.  But of those eight games with ten-plus hits allowed, four of them have come against the Mets.

• Since the beginning of the 2011 season, Hamels has allowed six or more runs in a game half a dozen times.  Three of those six games came against the Mets.

• David Wright is one of three players with 40 or more career at-bats versus Hamels to have a batting average over .340 against him.  (In 63 at-bats, Wright is hitting .349 against Hamels.)  The other two are Wright's former Mets teammates, Scott Hairston (.395) and Jose Reyes (.393).

• Cole Hamels has never allowed more than five homers to any one batter.  He has also never allowed any hitter to collect more than 15 RBI off him.  What has Wright done against him in those categories?  Five home runs, 15 RBI.

The Mets have not performed particularly well over the past five seasons.  But that's just because they haven't been able to face Cole Hamels 162 times a year.  Because of his comments about the Mets being choke artists following the 2008 campaign, Hamels has been viewed as a gigantic ass by Mets fans.  But the Mets have done nothing but knock him around for loss after loss since then.  In essence, they have been quite literally kicking ass every time they face him.

It's enough to make even his identical twin brother smile.

The Rare Recap: Mets Pound Cole Hamels Into Submission

If you're a regular reader of Studious Metsimus (I'm talking to all 4½ of you), you know that we rarely do recaps here. However, after today's 11-2 blowout of the Phillies, it would be hard not to do a recap, basically because there's something I have to get off my chest. It's something that's been on my mind ever since I listened to WFAN on a cold December afternoon in 2008, when Cole Hamels called the Mets "choke artists".

Come closer to the screen so you can get a clear view of what I have to say. A little closer. Just a little more. Okay, here goes.

THE METS OWN COLE HAMELS!!

Even Cole Hamels' identical twin brother (see photo above) knows how well the Mets do against his sibling.

In a nationally televised FOX game, the entire country got to see the Jonathon Niese (who pitched seven strong innings) and the Mets pound Hamels, knocking the All-Star pitcher out of the game with one out in the fifth inning. Hamels tied his career-high by allowing seven runs (all earned) on eight hits. He also walked four batters while striking out three.

It was the first time Hamels allowed more than four earned runs in a game since April 5, when (you guessed it) the Mets scored six runs against him in 2.2 innings.

Prior to the game, Hamels was 11-4 with a 2.32 ERA and a National League-leading 0.93 WHIP. Notice my use of the word "was" in the last sentence. So how did the Mets do it against Cole Hamels today? They did it like so...

Scott Hairston doubled. Daniel Murphy singled. Jon Niese walked. Justin Turner singled. Scott Hairston doubled (again). Jason Bay walked. Nick Evans walked. Ruben Tejada singled. Angel Pagan hit a sacrifice fly. (Hey, Hamels finally got someone out!) Justin Turner walked. Daniel Murphy hit a 395-foot homer. Jason Bay singled. Nick Evans tripled.

After allowing the Mets' Murderers Row to reach base against him 12 times, Charlie Manuel finally took Hamels out of the game, where he left to a chorus of boos (or were those Phillies fans saying RAUUUUUUUUL for Raul Ibañez? I couldn't tell because I don't speak "stupid").

The change in pitchers made no difference to the Mets, as they scored four runs on seven hits off relievers David Herndon and Danys Baez, with the big blow coming off the bat of Scott Hairston. The rightfielder, who was only in the game because Carlos Beltran had a one thousand degree fever, (and that's in Celsius!) launched a three-run bomb into the left field landing, a place usually reserved for home runs by opposing teams. The homer gave Hairston three extra-base hits on the day and a season-high five RBIs.

Raise your hands, raise your hands if you're sure! Scott Hairston was certainly sure, hitting a titanic three-run blast that "put it in the books" for the Mets. (Photo by Nick Laham/Getty Images)

So now you know how the Mets crushed the Phillies. Now you get to sit through the juicy parts, where I give you Cole Hamels' numbers against teams that don't have "Mets" on their jerseys, versus what he does against the boys in blue and orange.

• Career W-L record vs. the Mets: 3-10
• Career W-L record vs. everyone else: 68-40

• Career ERA vs. the Mets: 4.69
• Career ERA vs. everyone else: 3.31

• Career WHIP vs. the Mets: 1.59
• Career WHIP vs. everyone else: 1.11

• This year vs. the Mets: 1-2, 9.64 ERA, 2.00 WHIP
• This year vs. everyone else: 10-3, 1.91 ERA, 0.87 WHIP

The Mets hit Cole Hamels well just about every time they face him. Whether it's a lineup consisting of Ike Davis, David Wright, Jose Reyes and Carlos Beltran, or a batting order that features none of them, the Mets usually find a way to make Cole Hamels eat his words.

Three years ago, Cole Hamels called the Mets choke artists. Now we know why he said it. After all, it takes one to know one.