We'll have our gloves ready, as we'll be shagging fly balls hit by all of your fav'rit Mets and all of your fav'rit no-names on the Pirates.
Are you ready for some baseball? We are!Of course, we won't be allowed to run all over the field. We'll be near the left field corner in front of the Great Wall of Flushing. In fact, there are many rules and regulations we'll have to follow if we want to stay on the field during the entirety of batting practice.
For example, we can bring one sealed water bottle onto the field (20 oz. or less). However, we're not allowed to bring chicken nachos or any other type of food onto the field, even though the chicken nacho stand is literally a few feet away in the left field corner. Hello? We need food to give us the strength to run down fly balls on the warning track. Not only that, what else are we going to wash down our water with? Cotton candy? (Surprisingly enough, I'm not too fond of cotton candy.)
The no food policy is just one of many guidelines we'll have to follow when we're on the field. Below you will see us holding up the sheet of rules and regulations that was sent to us. If that's too small for you to read (after all, you may have the eyesight of umpire Angel Hernandez), then to the right, you can click on the photo to enlarge the sheet with the rules and guidelines.
Now I can understand the fact that we have to sign a waiver before entering the field (Rule #1). After all, if we get hit on the head by a fly ball, we might not remember our names, where we live or where Shake Shack is. But what about the rule where we can't steal dirt from the warning track (Rule #9)? Didn't the Marlins steal dirt from Shea Stadium after they defeated the Mets in the final game of the 2008 season (otherwise known as the "Shea Goodbye" game)? They didn't heed the fans' calls of "off the field" and they did harm to the Mets by defeating them in a game they needed to win to force a one-game playoff against the Milwaukee Brewers for the wild card berth. Why is it okay for the Marlins to steal dirt from the field but not acceptable for the paying customers to do the same?
What about the "no sliding or diving" rule (Rule #4) or the "no feet or bodies on the wall" rule (Rule #7)? Didn't we have to sign a waiver before entering the field? So if we get hurt while sliding or diving, that was our decision. Also, if we bang our heads or get our feet caught on the wall trying to make a play, again, it's our own fault. The Mets wouldn't be held responsible for any of our injuries because of that waiver. Then again, with all the injuries that have befallen the Mets since they moved into Citi Field, perhaps they're just expecting some of us to get hurt. Anyway, I don't need to slide or dive on the field. I already did that last year and didn't get caught. And Iggy is 100% healthy after hanging out (literally) at the 378 foot sign in right field earlier this year.
Um, about Rule #3, the "no spikes or heels" rule. Why would anyone be wearing heels or spikes to a ballgame anyway? Are there kids going to their senior prom after the game? Is Ty Cobb at the game? Probably not. So why would anyone wear either of those on their feet?
Of course, there's always a chance Gene Simmons might show up in full makeup. Perhaps that rule is specifically for him. But could you imagine the blood-spewing bassist for KISS showing up in his battle armor and wearing Chuck Taylor Converse All-Star sneakers? Then again, he could probably get away with wearing Chuck Taylor knee-high sneaker boots...
So that's all I have to get off my chest for today. We'll be at Citi Field at 4:00pm today to take the field for batting practice prior to the Mets game against the Pittsburgh Pirates. We'll be on the field near the left field corner for a few hours before first pitch. If you show up early, feel free to bring your camera to take pictures of us. Just please don't call our names or say "use two paws" as we're getting ready to catch a fly ball. We'd rather not hear the Mets' staff tell us "see, that's why we made you sign the waiver".
Have a great day watching the game, either at Citi Field or in the comfort of your own homes. We'll try to bring back a ball (and a victory) for you!
