Ho-LEE $#!% !!

Wasn't Cliff Lee upset after the 2009 season when the Phillies traded him to the Seattle Mariners in order to make room for Roy Halladay's contract extension? Apparently, he wasn't upset enough.

The mystery team vying for Cliff Lee's services was the Philadelphia Phillies and there is no longer any mystery surrounding Cliff Lee's decision as to where he'll be pitching in 2011, as the southpaw spurned the Yankees and Rangers to sign a five-year, $120 million with the Mets' rivals in Philadelphia.

According to a tweet by Ken Rosenthal, the deal can be worth as much as $135 million for six years if the option is vested. Jon Heyman tweets that the sixth-year option will kick in if Lee pitches 200 innings in 2015 (the year he turns 37) or if he pitches a combined 400 innings between 2014 and 2015.

The $24 million average annual value for the five years of Lee's deal gives Lee the highest AAV of any pitcher in baseball, surpassing the $23 million average annual value of CC Sabathia's seven-year contract with the Yankees. Not bad for a pitcher who is a combined 26-22 since his Cy Young Award-winning season in 2008.

Let's face it. If you take out Cliff Lee's two best seasons in the major leagues (18-5 in 2005 and 22-3 in 2008), Lee's career won-loss record is 62-53. To put that into perspective, in six years as a member of the New York Mets, the great Steve Trachsel went 66-59.

Cliff Lee has only had one season with an ERA under 3.00 (2.54 in 2008). He has never struck out 200 batters in a season. He has also given up more hits than innings pitched over his entire career (1419 hits allowed over 1409 innings), including the 2009 season, when he gave up more hits (245) than any pitcher in the major leagues.

Of course, none of this matters to the Philadelphia Phillies, who consider that to be good enough to warrant a $24 million per year salary that will take him through age 37 and possibly age 38 if the sixth year option vests.

Despite the obvious overpayment for a pitcher with Cliff Lee's credentials, the Phillies can boast that they have perhaps the best starting four in the major leagues now that Lee has joined his brother Roy (Halladay) and his other brother Roy (Oswalt), along with the longest-tenured Phillie of the group, Cole Hamels.

With Johan Santana's status uncertain, the Mets will probably trot out Mike Pelfrey to the mound on Opening Day. Big Pelf would probably be the Phillies' fifth starter in 2011. The gap between the Phillies' starting staff and the Mets' rotation is wider than the geographical one between the two cities.

The Phillies now have Cliff Lee while the Mets still have Ollie P. The 2011 season might be over before the first "O say, can you see".

Impeach El Perez-idente! (The New Studious Metsimus Facebook Fan Page)

"Four years and seven walks ago, our general manager brought forth, upon this fanbase, a screwed pitcher. We were deceived at Citi, and stated our position that all pitchers weren't created equal."

--New York Mettysburg Address (July 30, 2010)


It was indeed four years (but more than seven walks) ago tomorrow that Oliver Perez was traded to the Mets along with Roberto Hernandez for rightfielder and fan-favorite Xavier Nady.

The deal was necessitated because reliever Duaner Sanchez got a case of the midnight munchies in Miami and was involved in an accident as a passenger in a taxicab. The fender bender led to a shoulder injury to Sanchez and left a gaping hole in the bullpen, one that was filled by Roberto Hernandez, but also gave us El Perez-idente himself, Oliver Perez.

Let's hop into the DeLorean, adjust the flux capacitor and travel to the winter following the 2008 season (but don't let the same guy from Duaner's taxicab drive it). The Mets were in need of a starting pitcher, coveted Derek Lowe, but let him sign with Atlanta for four years and $60 million. The only other option was their little free agent that couldn't, Oliver Perez.

At three years and $36 million, the Mets felt they had scored a coup, keeping the 26-year-old Perez, who had just compiled a 25-17 record over the past two seasons. Of course, the Mets seemed to ignore the fact that Ollie had walked a league-leading 105 batters in 2008 despite the 10-7 record.

What has that $36 million contract gotten the Mets? A 3-8 record, 6.56 ERA and 94 walks in only 107 innings.

What has that same contract gotten Oliver Perez? How about the wrath of hundreds of thousands of Mets fans, the butt of more jokes than his pitch count over five innings and a Facebook fan page brought about by the creators of Studious Metsimus and My Summer Family called "Impeach El-Perez-idente!" You can check out the page and become a fan by clicking here.

Four years ago today, Duaner Sanchez's need for Dominican food during sleepy time put him in a position to be in the car accident that forever changed his career. Mets fans choose to remember that day for another reason. It was the day that caused Oliver Perez to become a Met.

Unfortunately, there has been no one-term limit for El Perez-idente in New York. He is now entering his fifth year as a Met and is still under contract for another.

The Mets might not be able to get rid of Ollie for Roy Oswalt's jock strap (Houston wanted equal value for the pitcher's "equipment"), but Mets fans can get rid of their anger by joining us in saying "Impeach El Perez-idente!"