The Magic 8-Ball Predicts The 2015 Mets Season

As the long winter turns to spring in the Big Apple, our thoughts turn from yellow snow and dodging slush puddles to the green grass of the ballpark and the smells of hot dogs, Pat LaFrieda meats and bacon on a stick.  Or if you're a vegan, perhaps you're into the smells of veggie dogs, Terra chips and edamame.

No matter what tickles your olfactory senses, your other senses are about to come to life on Monday when the Mets return to action, opening the curtain on the 2015 campaign.  And with the return of Matt Harvey, the potential of new hitting instructor Kevin Long waking up the bats of a team that hit .239 last season and the arrival of David Wright's BFF, Michael Cuddyer, it's the first time in the Citi Field era that fans are optimistic about the return of winning baseball to Flushing.

With that in mind, I decided it was time to wake up our old friend, the Magic 8-Ball, to see what it thought about the upcoming baseball season.  Would it finally acknowledge that the Mets were close to contending for a playoff spot?  Or would it be its crotchety old self, threatening to call the cops on me for not getting off its lawn?

Why don't we just let the Magic 8-Ball give you all the answers to the questions you were afraid to ask?  The floor's all yours, M8B!

Oh, sorry about that.  But now that you're up, I'd like to ask you a few questions about the 2015 Mets.  I promise it won't take up much of your time and you'll be to get back to your comfortable bed in no time.

Really?  What do you sleep on then, if you don't mind me asking?

And why's that?

I should have seen that response coming from a mile away.  Anyway, let's just get to the first question.  Do you feel the Mets improved enough to contend for a playoff berth in 2015?

Just one trade?  What would it be?  Trading prospects for a more experienced shortstop?  Sending Dillon Gee packing for a legitimate bat?  Re-acquiring Scott Atchison so he can serve as a father figure to Bartolo Colon?

Wow!  A two-for-one deal!  I'm sure many long-suffering Mets fans would approve that transaction.

A steal of a deal!  Let's hope Sandy Alderson is reading this so he can trade away the people who sign his paycheck.  Speaking of paychecks, do you think Lucas Duda is worth a long-term contract extension after his first good season as a Met?

I never knew you were such a believer in the talent of Lucas Duda.

Moving on to the pitching side of things, what do you expect from Matt Harvey this year?  Will he be able to lead the Mets to their first postseason berth since 2006?

He did?  I don't remember him doing that.  That would have been a major news story.  Where did he make such a prediction?

Oh, wait.  You're talking about when he tweeted a photo of his middle finger from his hospital bed as he was about to undergo Tommy John surgery, aren't you?

I guess he was.  So let's move on to the team's closer situation.  Do you think Bobby Parnell will take over as closer once he comes off the disabled list?  Or will Jenrry Mejia continue to hold the position?

Even with the more experienced Parnell wanting to reclaim what was once his?  Parnell had a wonderful season in 2013 (2.16 ERA, 1.00 WHIP, .211 batting average against him).  Mejia was a little more shaky as a closer (2.72 ERA, 1.42 WHIP, .265 batting average against him).  Can't there be a compromise between the bearded Parnell and the stomping Mejia?

That's downright frightening.  Plus, I didn't know Magic 8-Balls were capable of altering photographs in such a way.  I thought you were just a one-tool player.

Did you just use ball (snicker) and tools (giggle) in the same sentence?

Sorry.  That was very unprofessional of me.  Let's get to a true professional - David Wright.  The Mets captain had a subpar season in 2014, but he appears to have fully recovered from the shoulder injury that limited him to a .269 batting average and a career-low eight home runs.  Will he be able to produce better numbers in 2015?

He has to what?  You'll have to be a little more specific.

And which horrible memories are you referring to?

Ouch.  That is a horrible memory.  Okay, so I just have one more question to ask you before I get your prediction on the team's final record.  Then you can go back to your box for nap time.

This is the final year of Terry Collins's current contract.  If he leads the Mets to the playoffs, will he come back to manage the team in 2016 and beyond?

How would he not keep his job if he manages the team to its first winning season since 2008 and first postseason appearance since 2006?   It would seem like a slam dunk for the team to bring him back following that type of success.

Good point.  So let's end this by asking you for your prediction on the team's final record and standing in the NL East. 

But you said Matt Harvey predicted back in 2013 that the Mets would finish in first place this year.

And that's why Matt Harvey works his magic on the mound and you're the prognostication expert.  Thanks for taking the time to be with us today, M8B.  And I'm sorry for waking you up earlier.

Did I just shake the Magic 8-Ball to sleep?  Well, as a Mets fan, the time for sleep is over because we're on the cusp of a new season - one that might produce meaningful games in September and beyond.  And also one that could potentially cause the Wilpons to break open their piggy banks at the trade deadline for a change.  Assuming they're not traded with Saul Katz for a legitimate owner and a Mex Burger, of course.

Have fun this season, Mets fans!  It should be a pretty cool ride this summer.  And lest I forget, please help control the restless sphere population.  Have your Magic 8-Ball spayed or neutered.

LET'S GO METS!!

Hey, kids!  The Magic 8-Ball has been making predictions since 2010, the year Jason Bay first soiled us with his presence.  To see what the Magic 8-Ball said prior to each of the previous five seasons, please click on the links below:

2014 Magic 8-Ball Predictions
2013 Magic 8-Ball Predictions

2012 Magic 8-Ball Predictions

2011 Magic 8-Ball Predictions

2010 Magic 8-Ball Predictions

Joey's Soapbox: What The Wilpons Should Do With Their Money

Over the past 24 hours, two seasons officially ended.  For those not involved in Ponzi schemes, winter turned to spring at 1:14 AM.  For those whose surname is Wilpon, your winter of discontent has also ended.  Now that the Mets’ owners and Irving Picard have settled for $162 million before the case went to trial, the focus can now shift completely to what’s happening on the field and not what could have happened off it.

But before we return to the action between the foul lines, I wanted to hop on my soapbox.  If I may, I’d like to share my thoughts with you on what I think the brothers-in-law Wilpon and Katz should do now that they won’t have to fork over $386 million to the Picard peeps.  Who knows?  Maybe they might actually listen to me this time.  Who am I?  I'm Joey Beartran, and I'm about to take you for a ride on my soapbox.


Sign a starting pitcher that can actually stay on the mound

In 2006, the Mets won 97 games.  They also used 13 starting pitchers, all of whom made at least three starts for the team.  Only Tom Glavine and Steve Trachsel were able to make more than 23 starts.  Of course, the Mets' lack of depth and health in the starting rotation caught up with them in the National League Championship Series, especially when both Pedro Martinez and Orlando "The Dookie" Hernandez couldn't pitch in the postseason due to injuries.

Two years later, the Mets traded for Johan Santana and gave him a six-year contract extension.  To date, Santana has given the Mets one DL-free season.  Looks like it's obvious here.  The Wilpons should use their money to sign a dependable starting pitcher that can actually stay on the mound.  The Phillies did it with Roy Halladay and Cliff Lee and they've been able to withstand all sorts of injuries to their everyday players.  The Mets should follow suit.  Or they should find a way to injure Roy Halladay and Cliff Lee.


How about a pitcher who can strike out a batter or ten?

In 1984, Dwight Gooden struck out 276 batters as a rookie, fanning ten or more batters in 15 of his 31 starts.  In 2011, a Mets' starting pitcher reached double digits in strikeouts in a single game twice.  That's two times in 162 games.  Only R.A. Dickey and Chris Capuano reached the level that Gooden reached regularly, and they were only able to do it once apiece.

Since 1992, the only Mets pitchers to strike out 200 or more batters in a single season have been Al Leiter (2000, 200 Ks), Pedro Martinez (2005, 208 Ks) and Johan Santana (2008, 206 Ks).  In each of the years they accomplished their hefty strikeout totals, the Mets finished with a winning record.  That's not a coincidence.

With Citi Field's fences moving in for the start of the 2012 season, it would behoove the Mets to find pitchers who can keep the ball in the ballpark.  Either that or they'll need pitchers with the ability to get opposing batters to hit the ball on the ground, preferably away from Daniel Murphy at second base.  Of course, we wouldn't even have to discuss this if the Mets had pitchers who could strike out a batter or ten.


Spend money on scouting and minor league development

Over the past decade, the only two pitching prospects to stick around have been Mike Pelfrey and Jonathon Niese.  Both players have losing records in the major leagues and neither has made the All-Star team.  In fact, other than Jose Reyes and David Wright, the last homegrown All-Star (regardless of whether he was a pitcher or everyday player) was Edgardo Alfonzo in 2000.  Who was the last homegrown All-Star pitcher?  You have to go back to 1997 and Bobby Jones.

Winning teams succeed with the right combination of veteran leadership and homegrown talent.  The Mets haven't been able to get this consistently right for over a decade.  A few extra bucks spent on their scouts and the development of players in the minor leagues should help the Mets in that regard.


Don't spend on a big-name free agent; spend on a big-name exorcist

On the night Citi Field hosted its first regular season game, a frisky feline darted onto the field and crept past David Wright, who was standing in the on-deck circle.  It was a scene reminiscent of the black cat that ran behind Cubs' third baseman Ron Santo at Shea Stadium in 1969.  Just as the black cat served as the superstitious impetus for the Cubs' demise, the Citi kitty might have done the same to the Mets.

I don't usually believe in curses or the supernatural, but surely a lower power must be involved in the Mets' misfortunes.  Therefore, instead of throwing cash at the next hot ticket free agent, why don't the Mets just hire the best exorcist money can buy?  Clearly, Fred Wilpon already used an exorcist on himself, as his head is no longer spinning due to the resolution of the Madoff mess.  Now it's time to use it on the team.  It might be our only hope.


Give Jeff Wilpon a makeover

New York is the media capital of the world.  Because of that, Jeff Wilpon has found himself in front of the TV cameras quite a bit over the years.  This would normally be a good thing for someone who bears a strong facial resemblance to a popular TV star, as Wilpon does.  However, when that popular television character is Alfalfa from The Little Rascals, it’s a sign that Little Jeffy needs a makeover.

Perhaps a new hairstyle would work.  It doesn’t have to be outlandish like the blond curls sported by the late Jose Lima during his month-long stay in New York in 2006.  (If you don’t remember Lima ever being a Met, it’s probably because you were in an alcohol-induced stupor due to his constant poundings on the mound.)  All his new "do" must do is say “I want you to believe that I’m going to put the best team on the field” instead of “I want you to believe that Darla will one day fall in love with me”.  It’s time for Jeff Wilpon to change the way he looks.  Even Buckwheat would say “o-tay” to that.


Invest in antivenom

In last year’s infamous New Yorker interview, Fred Wilpon stated that Jose Reyes would never get Carl Crawford’s money.  He was right.  He also said that David Wright was a good, but not great player.  With Wright’s latest injury keeping him out of action, he may be right on that front, too.  Papa Smirk is definitely not a saint, but he might be a prophet.

Since everything Wilpon said in the article has come true, then we should also believe him when he says “we’re snakebit, baby!”  In that case, I’d like to make a suggestion to our fearless leader.  Snakes have venom.  Antivenom can combat snake bites.  You now have extra money that won’t be siphoned out of your Sandy Koufax piggy back.  Do the math.

As things stand now, even if the Mets improve upon last year’s 77-85 record, they might still finish in last place.  Every team in the National League East is better on paper.  The Nationals and Marlins, who finished in third and fifth place in the division last year, respectively, are exponentially better this year.  The Nationals added Gio Gonzalez and Edwin Jackson to their starting rotation (not to mention a healthy Stephen Strasburg) and will now have Brad Lidge closing games for them.  Meanwhile, the Marlins added Mark Buehrle to anchor their rotation and All-Star Heath Bell to seal the deal in the ninth inning.  The Braves have the best one-two punch in the bullpen in Jonny Venters and Craig Kimbrel, in addition to a solid starting rotation.  Even with an off-year by rightfielder Jason Heyward, the Braves still competed for a playoff spot until the last day of the season.  And the Phillies?  They’re pretty good.

The Mets have a long way to go if they want to be mentioned in the same sentence as the other teams in the division.  Right now, the only way the Mets could realistically compete in the National League East is if they faced Cole Hamels every day.  That’s about as likely as Shane Victorino learning how not to complain like a little … ahem … sorry,  I got carried away there.  It’s just that I’m very passionate about my team, and I want them to do well.

Surely, the team’s owners want the same thing for their team as I do.  Throwing money at the best available free agent just won’t cut it anymore.  Doing that just gets you Oliver Perez or Jason Bay.  Perhaps Los Wilpons will read this and get an idea or six.  My suggestions can’t hurt as much as the Wilpons have hurt the fan base over the past few years, right?

Song Parody: We're Underdogs!

Earlier this week, the Mets received a little gift in their lockers from Jeff Wilpon.  No, it wasn't a "get out of jail free" card.  It was an Underdog T-shirt.

For those who don't remember Underdog (such as Ike Davis and Dillon Gee, who claimed to not have a clue who the character was), he was a cartoon dog who always saved the day.  Most players didn't have a problem with the bright orange gift.  But not everyone felt the gift was necessary.

A certain player who makes his living at a high-temperature corner (we won't say David Wright's name to protect the innocent) thought he and his teammates shouldn't be viewed as underdogs because they know what they're capable of.  That would seem to be contrary to what R.A. Dickey said on Tuesday, where he believed the Mets would need "three or four Jeremy Lins" to be competitive in the NL East.

The unnamed player who answers whenever someone calls for David Wright should probably look on the bright side.  After all, now he can wear the Underdog shirt so that he doesn't have to wear the T-shirt given to him by Dickey.  ("Somebody climbed Mount Kilimanjaro and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.")

In honor of this event, we at Studious Metsimus have decided to write our latest song parody, based on the theme song to the old Underdog cartoon.  Since we couldn't come up with a better title, our version is called "We're Underdogs!"  Enjoy!


There's reason to cheer!  Underdog shirts are here!

When cronies whisper in Wilpon's ear
Telling him that last place is near
It heightens his tensions and fears
So it's time to get his team new gear
We're Underdogs!  Underdogs!  Underdogs!  Underdogs!

David Wright thinks it's a blunder
Ike and Gee are left to wonder
Who's Underdog?  Who the f**k is Underdog?

In Wilpon's world, won't sell the team
Breaking fans' hearts like a bad dream
But Fred and Jeff know what the team needs
So they went out; got orange T's
Wear Underdog!  Underdog!  Underdog!  Underdog!

Team morale is torn asunder
For a shirt that makes them wonder
Who's Underdog?  Who's f**kin' Underdog?

Run, Jose, Run!

I may be a day late and a two-year, $10 million contract short, but Jose Reyes did some running on Monday and felt no pain. As reported by Kevin Kernan and blogged about by some of Studious Metsimus' fav'rit bloggers, Reyes pronounced himself to be 100% pain free and ready to go for the 2010 season. Mets fans and fellow runners everywhere rejoiced at the news.

If you recall, Jose missed most of the 2009 season (who didn't?) and eventually underwent surgery to repair a torn hamstring tendon in his right leg. Listening to Reyes now, he appears ready to start the season today instead of April 5th.

“I feel great. Last year I came back too quickly. Everything is in the past. I don’t want to think about it. Now there is no pain. That’s the key. There is nothing to worry about. Everything’s perfect. I’ll be ready in 2010. Be there, it’s going to be a show.”

In addition to his running exercises, Reyes fielded ground balls hit to his left and right to test his mobility He also did some weightlifting and some hitting.

After each test, Jose flashed his trademark smile that had not been seen since Shea Stadium was still alive. In fact, the picture to the right might be the only photo known to man of Reyes smiling at Citi Field.

Mets' executive VP David Howard was at Monday's session and lame duck (with the accent on lame) general manager Omar Minaya watched Reyes work out last week. Both were pleased with the shortstop's progress. No one seemed to care where the Wilpons (Mutt and Jeff) were during Reyes' training session.

Stupid is as stupid does.

The 2009 season marked the third time Reyes had missed extensive playing time due to injuries. After missing large chunks of the 2003 and 2004 seasons, Reyes played his first healthy season in 2005.

From 2005-2008 (all seasons in which Reyes did not get hurt), Jose's fleet feet helped him score an average of 113 runs per season. The other "speed stats" were phenomenal as well, as Reyes hit a total of 65 triples and pilfered 258 bases, both tops in the major leagues over that four-year period.

Despite the fact that Reyes was pulled from the game during Jerry Manuel's first game as Mets manager in 2008 because of injury concerns, the skipper has professed admiration for his leadoff hitter and knows how crucial Reyes is to setting the table for the sluggers behind him. With a healthy Reyes at the top of the order, the Mets should improve on their 12th place finish in runs scored in the National League.

I'm not a smart man, but I do know what a laugh is.

In 1994, we all screamed "Run, Forrest, Run" at the movie screen. (Some of us screamed it too loudly and were ejected from the movie theater faster than Bobby Cox at an umpire's convention.) Sixteen years later, after Jose Reyes proclaimed himself 100% healthy and ready to give Mets fans a show, it's time to scream "Run, Jose, Run!"

I'm willing to bet a shrimpin' boat full of Dr. Pepper that as long as Jose Reyes keeps on running for the duration of the long 162-game season, all other chips will fall into place.

With a healthy Jose Reyes, the Mets should improve upon their buttocks-ugly 70-92 record from last year. Now if Reyes could only pitch...

Covering The BAY-ses With The Mets' New Leftfielder

With today's press conference, Jason Bay has now been introduced to the New York media and to Citi Field. So who is this man who's supposed to be the big offensive addition to the New York Mets?

Jason Raymond Bay (Jay-Ray-Bay, eh?) was drafted in the 22nd round of the 2000 amateur draft by the Montreal Expos. He was traded by then-Expos GM Omar Minaya to the Mets in 2002, although he didn't last a full season in the Mets' minor-league system. Bay was then traded during the 2002 season to the San Diego Padres, the team for which he made his major league debut in 2003.

Unfortunately, his major league career in San Diego lasted all of eight at-bats, where he collected two hits in those eight at-bats (a double and a home run). He was then traded to Pittsburgh during the 2003 season, where he picked up another 79 at-bats and continued to rack up extra-base hits (six doubles, one triple, three home runs).

The Pirates gave Bay an everyday job in 2004 and he rewarded their faith in him by putting up spectacular numbers. In only 120 games, Bay hit .282 with 26 HR and 82 RBI. His tremendous first full season in the majors earned him the National League Rookie of The Year Award.

He followed up his ROY campaign with an even better season. In 2005, Bay played in all 162 games, finishing with MVP-caliber numbers (.306 average, 44 doubles, six triples, 32 HR, 101 RBI, 110 runs scored, 21 SB).

Other than a fluke 2007 season in which Bay hit .247 with only 21 HR and 84 RBI, he has hit at least 30 HR and scored and driven in at least 100 runs in every season since 2005. He has also reached double digits in stolen bases in every season since 2005 except for the aforementioned 2007 season.

Although his strikeout total may be high (at least 129 strikeouts in each of his six full seasons in the majors), he makes up for it by drawing many walks. Other than the 2007 season, Bay has averaged 93 walks per season since 2005, including 94 bases on balls last season with the Red Sox.

Jason Bay gives the Mets their best leftfielder since the days of Kevin McReynolds. He plays every day and puts up solid numbers year after year. For the stat-freaks, here are some juicy numbers for you.

• Over his career, Jason Bay is a .343 hitter with a runner on third and less than two outs (62-for-181).

• With a runner on third and exactly two outs, Bay is a .283 career hitter (45-for-159). In 2009, the Mets as a team hit .186 (55-for-296) in such situations.

• Bay is extremely clutch when there are multiple men on base. With at least two men on base (first and second, first and third, second and third, bases loaded), Bay is a career .316 hitter (161-for-509).

• Bay will probably hit fifth in the Mets lineup (assuming the Mets' top four hitters are Reyes, Castillo, Beltran and Wright). In the five-hole, Bay has accumulated 596 at-bats in his career, or the equivalent of a full season. In those 596 at-bats, Bay has hit .307, with 32 HR and 120 RBI, numbers very similar to Robin Ventura's stats in 1999 when he helped lead the Mets to the playoffs (588 at-bats, .301, 32 HR, 120 RBI).

Jason Bay will be the Mets leftfielder for at least four years. For all the naysayers who wish to question his defense, please note that Bay did not make a single error in 2009 and collected 15 outfield assists. His experience playing in front of the Green Monster at Fenway Park should help him play the high left field wall at Citi Field.

Bay is a player who takes the field every day, hits in the clutch and plays better defense than you think. The Mets felt that they had 66 million reasons to bring him to Citi Field. The fans hope that will be enough to spark some life into the Mets offense. Welcome to New York, Jason Bay!

Joey's Soapbox: Mets Museum Is Coming, But Where's Cake Shack?

The Mets issued a press release yesterday stating that the Year of The Dodger is over. Next year, Citi Field will feature more Mets-centric imagery and colors. However, upon reading the press release, I noticed one thing was missing from the new additions. Astute Studious Metsimus readers should find it easy to surmise what it is.

First off, I applaud the Mets for making changes to Citi Field both inside and out. Among the new features you will find next season will be:

The VIP entrances near first base, third base and left field will be renamed after Gil Hodges, Tom Seaver and Casey Stengel, respectively.

The bridge in right field will be renamed Shea Bridge in honor of William A. Shea. I am pleased that it will not be renamed the Adam Dunn Bridge after the Washington National who claimed it as his own when he took one small poke for Dunn, one giant blast for everyone else. (In laybear's terms, he became the first player to reach the bridge with a home run.)

The stairwells will be painted in the traditional Mets colors (blue and orange, NOT black) instead of the drab gray that mirrored the feelings of the fans as they exited the stadium after each loss.

Outside Citi Field, full color banners will be visible on the Mets Plaza outside the Jackie Robinson Rotunda and the flowers planted outside the Plaza will be blue and orange.

The main addition to Citi Field in 2010 will be the Mets Hall of Fame and Museum, which will be adjacent to the Jackie Robinson Rotunda. A new Mets Hall of Fame committee, including long-time radio and TV broadcasters Gary Cohen and Howie Rose, will be formed to evaluate Mets Hall of Fame members. No player has been inducted since the late Tommie Agee in 2002.

These new additions will make Citi Field appear more like a Mets stadium and not Dodger Stadium East. That's all fine and dandy, but they seem to have forgotten one thing that this bear blogger just had to get up on his soapbox for.

WHERE IN THE NAME OF JULIO FRANCO IS CAKE SHACK?

Little Jeffy Wilpon and Omar Minaya had no problem getting cake into the tummy of Julio Franco. Why can't the fans have our cake and eat it, too?

We appreciate all you did in 2009 to make Citi Field an eater's paradise. The chicken nachos and cannolis were a welcome addition to an otherwise bland food selection at Shea Stadium. The eclectic selections would make any caterer blue and orange with envy.

If the team is going to cater to all its fans, then one more thing needs to be added. Since the team is renaming many things at Citi Field in time for the 2010 season, I'd like to offer my suggestion.

Ever since I found out about the Shake Shack that debuted at Citi Field this season, I've wanted the team to open up a Cake Shack, which would specialize in my fav'rit food. However, since I want to be known for my blogging ability and not for my penchant for wolfing down cake, I'd like to propose my idea for a new food stand, Citi Confectioneries.

Citi Confectioneries would specialize in candies, cookies and pastries. The cannolis can get special treatment there. They can also sell rainbow cookies, similar to the ones in the picture below. However, instead of the colors in the photo, they can be blue and orange surrounded by chocolatey goodness.

Holy cannolis, Batman! How hard would it be to add a Cake Shack and a Citi Confectioneries? If you can't do anything to improve the team this offseason, at least keep my sweet tooth happy. Then the fans who came to Citi Field dressed as empty seats in September can feast on something new while opposing teams feast on the Mets.

I don't expect any of this to happen at Citi Field next season, but perhaps if our readers could start a petition, it could become a reality eventually. I'd make my voice heard, but it would be rude to talk with my mouth full.

Free Agent Season Has Begun; Shop Early, Shop Often

Attention, GM shoppers! The Free Agent Warehouse is officially open for business. Throughout our store, you will find everything to help fix your team. From starting pitchers to power hitters. From bullpen help to role players. Everything is here to satisfy your needs. Please be aware that there are no rain checks in case we are sold out of the players you’re looking for. Also, we do not accept coupons. Yes, we’re talking to you, Daddy Less-bucks and Little Orphan Jeffy, so stop asking us if we have any “buy one, get one free” deals. It doesn’t work that way at the Free Agent Warehouse.

We hope you brought your checkbooks. We will have many registers open to help speed up your free agent shopping and numerous player agents will be on hand to assist you. If you have any questions, please direct them to our manager, Mr. Bora$. Now let’s take you on a tour of our store.

First, we have our electronics department. Here is where you will find all the gamers, such as John Lackey. His tenacity, determination and consistency will help your team fill a very important spot in the starting rotation. If you do not find John Lackey on the shelves, perhaps we can interest you in a different pitcher. We always have Joel Piñeiro and Jason Marquis in stock. They’re not the hot item of the week, but they can provide a cheaper alternative to John Lackey. For those inquiring about when Roy Halladay will be in stock, we were told that he will not be available at the Free Agent Warehouse for another year. If you are here for Halladay and only Halladay, please report to the corner pawn shop, where trading is encouraged.

You will also find batteries in our electronics department. A good battery consists of a pitcher who can throw any pitch and spot it exactly where his catcher wants. We just received a new shipment of Bengie Molina for any team who needs a replacement battery. Brian Schneider is somewhere on the battery wall, but he’s in need of some recharging.

From here, we take you to our lighting department. Without proper lighting, your home stadium will suffer from a lack of power. We have multiple items that may be to your liking. We have received many requests for Matt Holliday and Jason Bay. As you all know, without our customers we have nothing. Therefore, we are proud to announce that both Holliday and Bay are available. Power is not cheap, so we hope you came prepared to spend if you choose to brighten your stadium with those bulbs. If you have dark corners in your home stadium, we have Adam LaRoche, Russell Branyan and Hank Blalock, all of which can provide temporary power help. Of course, we still have our older models like Carlos Delgado, but we cannot guarantee that he will be bright for an entire season.

Over here, we have our hardware section. These players have the tools to bring a team together. They might not light up the scoreboard, but they provide the glue that solidifies the team. Orlando Hudson and Chone Figgins are our most requested items. Another item that may intrigue you is Mark DeRosa. He is one of our most versatile tools, providing assistance in your infield and outfield.

Our toddler section is under renovation, so you will not find any players there at the moment. We hope to reopen it by next year at the earliest, or perhaps in two seasons. By then, we’ll have Manny Ramirez and Milton Bradley as the toddler section’s main attractions.

Although you have all winter to buy the free agents we have in stock, please remember that all purchases are final. Also, we are not responsible for damaged goods. We are not forcing you to buy anything in our store. You’re making that decision on your own. If you make a poor purchase, it’s on your hands. However, if you find free agent gold, your fans will be dancing in the streets.

That’ll end the tour of the Free Agent Warehouse. We hope you found something of interest for your team. For those of you who need to use the rest room before leaving, please be careful when you flush so that your wallets don’t accidentally fall in. Yes, Mr. Minaya. I’m talking to you. We don’t want you to come up with a convenient excuse if someone else comes in and scoops up one of the players on your shopping list.

Don’t forget to come again soon. We’ll be open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week throughout the winter to serve all of your shopping needs. We’re the Free Agent Warehouse, where no one has to go home empty-handed.

Note: The photo of the $100 bills at the top of this blog has a hidden meaning behind it. Besides the obvious reminder to Omar Minaya to use some of those bills this off-season, the #100 is special because this is the 100th Studious Metsimus blog. On behalf of Joey, I would like to thank all of our loyal readers for making the first 100 blogs a blast. Time to get started on the next 100!

Song Parody: Omar the Red-Faced GM

The baseball season is over and GMs everywhere are preparing for next month's Winter Meetings. They will be shopping for free agents to present as stocking stuffers to their fanbase. That reminds me of the upcoming holiday season. It also reminds me that Studious Metsimus hasn't "composed" a song parody in a while.

Paying homage to the classic Christmas song composed by Johnny Marks and sung by Gene Autry in 1949 (back in the year when Yankee fans were doing midnight shopping for T-shirts commemorating their 12th championship), here is my alternate take on "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer", focusing on our beloved general manager. After all, now that players have begun filing for free agency, Omar has to make sure he makes this team competitive and not load it up with guys from the Land of Misfit Players. Let's hope this song helps.

Omar The Red-Faced GM
Going into buying mode
Looking for a first baseman
Hope his name is not Ross Gload

All of the angry Mets fans
Pleading that he signs big names
They'll never forgive Omar
He's the one who gets the blame.

Then on Winter Meetings Eve
Wilpon came to say
"Omar, perhaps if you might,
Don't use up my funds tonight."

That's why no Mets fan loves him
As they live in misery
Omar the Red-Faced GM
Soon you will be history!

There you have it. Now doesn't that get you into the Christmas spirit? It's going to be an interesting three and a half months until pitchers and catchers report. As the days get closer, there might be more song parodies. Omar might inadvertently write some of the lyrics if he doesn't put together the right team to compete in 2010.

Omar's legacy will be decided during this offseason and the upcoming 2010 baseball season. Will he be the man who brought the Mets back into World Series contention or will he be the man who caused Studious Metsimus to win a Grammy Award for best song parody?

For Omar's sake, it better be the former instead of the latter. Those Grammy Awards can hurt once they're shoved far up a person's @$$!