Tuesday, October 27, 2009

World Series Turf War: Jay-Z vs. Big Willie Style

Rivalries. They exist everywhere. Whether it's the Mets and the Phillies, Tupac and Biggie or Sally Struthers and a truckload of Ring Dings, rivalries can turn former friends into sworn enemies (except Struthers and the Ring Dings; they're still on speaking terms).

Now we have a new rivalry forming. Because of the upcoming World Series between the Phillies and the Yankees, Philadelphia native Will Smith has entered into a war of words with noted Yankee fan Jay-Z. Here is the tale of the tape between Mr. Jada and Mr. Beyoncé:

Will Smith burst out of the West Philly scene with DJ Jazzy Jeff, had a string of Top 40 hits, but his time as the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air changed him. His clean image took a hit when he was seen smacking Carlton behind Uncle Phil's back and he also never intervened whenever his supposed best friend, Jazzy Jeff was thrown out of the mansion. Big Willie Style left his brotherly love in Philly when he went out west.

Jay-Z rose from the projects in Bed-Stuy to become one of the leading entrepreneurs in hip-hop. He is the co-owner of the 40/40 Club and the New Jersey Nets, but he has also made some poor business decisions. For example, he attempted to sell his Roca-Pads tampons by using Chappelle's Show as his infomercial. Then, he made his wife Beyoncé angry when he attempted to be a backseat driver (see photo below). Not smart to go Big Pimpin' on stage.

Will Smith has since recovered from his Bel-Air brainwashing. With numerous box office successes (let's not talk about "Wild Wild West") and a successful marriage to Jada Pinkett-Smith, the former Fresh Prince has now decided to throw his Hancock into the ring by taking on Jay-Z as their cities are being represented by the Phillies and the Yankees in the World Series.

They have decided to battle on the mics. Smith began by laying down these fresh rhymes:

"I was once the Fresh Prince, but now my Phillies are regal.
The Yankees are endangered like my friend, the bald eagle.
Jay-Z might be living in his Empire State of Mind.
But I'm the one who's gonna tap his wife's lovely behind."

When Jay-Z was informed that Smith believed that he was ready for Beyoncé's jelly, he did not seem to be perturbed. However, things changed when he realized that Smith had also badmouthed the Yankees.

Without giving so much as a thought, Jay-Z freestyled his response to Smith:

"I'm gonna make sure you live a Hard Knock Life.
For dissin' on my Yankees and mackin' on my wife.
I'll savor our victory while you cry in defeat.
Welcome to the Bronx: the real nightmare on your street."

So the battle is on. The war will not only be fought between the foul lines; it will also be fought in the luxury boxes. Jay-Z and his Yankees vs. Big Willie Style and his Phillies. Who will live? Who will die? Who'll be crying like a baby when Suge Knight hangs him off the press box? (It'll probably still be Vanilla Ice.)

All of these questions will be answered over the course of the next four to seven games. Now excuse me while our combatants are getting ready to take the stage at Yankee Stadium. I believe their wives are in need of some company...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is one of THE most entertaining pieces you have written so far!! Loved loved loved it!!!